Do sociopaths and narcissists have rules?
Many domestic abusers have rules for their victims. It’s scary to think how many pastors and elders have the same rules for members of their flock. This is a re-post from Domestic Violence Kills – Facebook page. We put in on our own FB page a while ago, but is seems good enough to post here too. (thanks to Lynette D for drawing it to our attention)..
Addit 30 Dec 2012: Since this post came out, we are happy to say we’ve been contacted by the original author of the list Sister Renee Pitelli.
She writes, “I wrote this list as the Narcissist’s Rules of Engagement and posted it on my Luke 17:3 Ministries facebook page. Glad to see it’s making the rounds lol! It will also be included in my next book, the sequel to Narcissistic Predicaments, hopefully coming out in the spring. Everything I write is copyrighted but I always give permission for anything I write to be used for non-profit use if you can use it to help others. All I ask is a link back to my website http://www.luke173ministries.org.”
The list of rules that the sociopath/narcissist expects his /her target to live by…
1. I can say anything I like. You are not allowed to say anything unless you are sure it will not offend me. (Hint: Praise/compliments).
2. I can do anything I want. You are not allowed to do anything unless you are sure I will like it.
3. You must call me regularly to see how I am and give me attention. I never have to call you, unless I need something.
4. You have to respect me. I do not have to respect you. And I don’t.
5. I am allowed to lie about you. You are not allowed to tell the truth about me.
6. I am allowed to lie about you, to make you look bad. You MUST lie about me, to make me look GOOD.
7. I am the only one allowed to get angry. You are not allowed to get angry.
8. I am the only one allowed to have “hurt feelings.” You are not allowed to have hurt feelings.
9. I am the only one allowed to feel “insulted.” You are not allowed to feel insulted.
10. I can falsely accuse you of doing things you never did, and you are not allowed to make a liar out of me by defending yourself.
11. You are not allowed to expose me and reveal the things I really DID do. You must cover up what I do and say and keep it a secret.
12. You are never allowed to complain. That’s MY job.
13. You are never allowed to confront me. I’m the only one who is allowed to confront anybody.
14. I can make faces at you, scowl, roll my eyes, and sneer, but you’d better not look at me “funny,” or even smile at me.
15. I can stop speaking to you, but you are not allowed to stop speaking to me.
16. I can disown you, but you do not have the right to walk away from me.
17. When I’m ready to un-disown you, you have to take me back and start talking to me again, with no further discussion of whatever caused our “rift.” You have no choice in the matter. I am the only one who has a choice.
18. I can “vent” to other people about you, but you must suffer in silence.
19. I can tell everybody the things you “did to” me, but you are not allowed to tell anybody the things I did to you.
20. You are not allowed to have any opinion that differs from mine.
21. You must agree with everything I say, but I am allowed to criticize and degrade the things you say.
22. I have no sense of humor when it comes to me. You must take me very seriously, but I am allowed to mock you and even laugh in your face.
23. If you don’t know why I’m mad, you better figure it out, because I’m not going to tell you.
24. If another person upsets me, you’d BETTER take my side and confront and shun them. If another person upsets YOU, good for them. You deserve it.
25. I know everything, you know nothing.
26. You are weak and inferior. I am a superior being, and you must always acknowledge that and never forget your place.
27. You have no freedom to even think independently. I have all the freedom.
28. Your job is to take care of my needs and feelings. You are not allowed to have needs or feelings. If you do, then take care of them yourself and don’t expect anything from me.
29. You have no rights. I have all the rights.
30. You are here to do for me, I am not here to do for you. You are only here for my convenience. When you are no longer useful or become too much trouble, I will kick you to the curb. Until I want something from you again.