How many times have you tried to explain things to your abusive spouse with the hope that maybe this time he will “get it”? Dr. George Simon explains why most of the time this effort produces no change in the abuser, only frustration for the victim:
You have to understand that character disordered persons don’t play by the regular rules, so trying to reach consensus with them and exhausting yourself trying to get them to “see” the unhealthiness of their ways is pointless. I have a rhyme I like to use: “It’s not that they don’t see, it’s that they disagree.” Character disordered people are not stupid people. They’re contrary people.