What Type of Friends do Abusers Have?
The following very helpful insights were sent by one of our readers and we post her insights here with her permission. This is a good illustration of an unsafe relationship characterized by one controlling, unsafe person staying in the relationship only so long as they are the superior and their “friend” is the inferior. This is what she wrote:
“I am watching a movie, and in the movie Helen says to Jack, (the topic is friends) “…I only now just seen it; how you have arranged a life for yourself where no one can touch you. Everyone that is close to you is either younger than you, is weaker than you, or is under your control.”
That dialogue made me think of my ex-husband and his friends. Most of them are younger, weaker, or under his control. Activities with his friends revolved around playing or watching sports or sharing meals. The conversations were always about trivial things. He didn’t have any friends that would or could challenge his thinking, his actions, his perceptions, and when he did encounter such a person, that relationship never lasted.
Back to the movie:
Jack responds, “Why are you getting at me? I thought we were friends.”
Helen: “I don’t know that we are friends. Not the way you have friends, anyway. Sorry, Jack.”
Jack: “I don’t understand.”
Helen: “No, I think you do. You just don’t like it…”
I hadn’t thought about the type of friends my ex-husband has, but it seems to fit…”