A Cry For Justice

Awakening the Evangelical Church to Domestic Violence and Abuse in its Midst

Poem by a survivor’s daughter

written by a 13 year old daughter of one of our readers

Truthfully, I wonder why I try.
I know I should, I know it’s right,
but how can something so painful,
so destructive, be the right thing?
I shouldn’t list your faults,
I should look at the good things.

What good things?

I want you to understand what’s wrong.
How will you see that if I say what is good?
Please don’t be hurt by this;
you just need to truly understand.
Understand where I’m coming from,
how much I wanna just run away from this,
why I feel this way.

Truth is..

You say you’re praying for me;
why do I feel like you’re praying for me to be ‘fixed’?
How can you sincerely give me advice about god
when you’re not even following it?

Is that just how it works?
Does it only apply to me?
Not you at all?
That’s not fair.
You say to meet halfway;
halfway for you is halfway behind you.
You tell me I’m wrong,
all my faults and imperfections,
and then you tell me to fix them.

Do you not see your faults?
I might have a speck, but look at your log.
You’re going to fix things?
I’ve heard that before;
I know what “fixing” means.
It means you are going to ‘fix’ it
until you get what you want.

Love me, do you?
How can I believe that?
Are you sure you do?
How can you look me in the eyes,
say how much you love me and care,
but not act like it?

Who taught you that loving someone was all about yourself,
that if you said it enough it must be true?
Maybe no-one taught you;
maybe you’re just so selfish you don’t even realize it.
There’s a bunch of things you don’t realize.

You know…
You say give and take,
but who are you giving to?
It’s surely not me.
You tell me it’s give and take,
but you take and take.
You get angry when I say no more;
you say you give.

But truthfully,
the only person you’re giving to
is you always you.
You say I don’t trust you;
what, in your head, tells you that you can be trusted?
Trusted with my life,
my feelings.
Do you really think you deserve that much trust?

I’d beg to differ.
I want to be nice.
I try to be mature,
But I’m just not good enough,
and I give up trying to be.
If I’m nice, you think you did nothing wrong.

But you did.
You can clearly see the scar.
If you say you’ll give me space, give it.
I get poked and prodded by you;
I’m sick of it.
Why can’t you get out of my life?
At least, for a while.

I would say thanks,
but I don’t feel you deserve gratitude.
I know I should care,
but it gets harder every-time.
Frankly, I’m about to give up.
I’ve spent too much time on you already,
and it’s making me tired.

Adieu, I pray you understand

8 Comments

  1. Still scared

    ummm….this date is wrong too methink.

  2. Little Miss Me

    Praying for this girl and her family that they are able to escape this abuse.

    She sounds wise beyond her years. Had I been able to articulate these sentiments in my mid-30s I’d have been much farther in my recovery! But I hope that she is able to get the help she needs to enjoy life and be healthy and get back some of her childhood, or child-like wonder.

    I hope (and it sounds like) that the reader/parent is providing a safe, loving environment of recovery where this girl can express her feelings without shame. I’m delighted to know that she has clearly learned to see through the abuser’s lies and games, and I’m praying that she continues learning the coping skills she needs to deal with the abuser in her life by setting the boundaries she needs and trusting her inner strength.

  3. Just Me

    Wow! She’s saying so many things that I’ve thought but haven’t even been able to put to words. What a gift she has! I’m sure God will use her in amazing ways.

  4. Song

    She has expressed so well what it feels the thoughts and questions that arise when dealing with an abusive person.

  5. Jeff S

    I’m struggling to know how to respond to this, but I want to show my admiration and empathy. It was difficult to read, but I know every word.

    You would think that making something like this public would end all debate.

    • “You would think that making something like this public would end all debate.”
      Yes indeed.

    • Still scared

      yes, yes indeed. It’s so obvious and clear but not heard from those that need to listen.

  6. Laurie

    Oh…Wow…

    Oh…Wow…

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