A Cry For Justice

Awakening the Evangelical Church to Domestic Violence and Abuse in its Midst

A Critique of His Needs, Her Needs by William F. Harley

Martin has written a critique of His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage, a book we have discussed on this blog before.  Martin wrote it for his seminary class and has posted it for all of us to read at the following link.

A Reading Report of William F. Harley’s His Needs, Her Needs:  Building an Affair-Proof Marriage

Give it a read!  He did a really good job.  And he even got a good grade:)


  1. Bethany

    Very good paper Martin! I was not involved in the original blog post but I would like to say that I agree with your conclusion and am glad you asked the people on this page for reviews of the book. I remember reading this book with my abuser and then having it held over my head every time I wasn’t “meeting his needs”. All I can remember thinking is if I relay on him to meet my needs and only focus on meeting his needs he will fail and my life will be miserable. I wanted to trust him but deep down I knew that I couldn’t but anytime I neglected his “needs” in any perceived way he was sure to remind me that it was my duty to meet them and that if I would only do that “simple” task, he would be motivated to meet my needs and our marriage would be wonderful but since I failed he couldn’t bother to do his part. I hate that book and wish that my husband and I NEVER read it!

  2. Still scared

    you hit it out of the ball park! Woo hoo!

  3. Martin

    Thanks for the feedback. Reading this book, while understanding its support among counselors and pastors, has really opened my eyes. The comments from the blog really locked me onto some critical issues. I learn so much by engaging in the discussions here. What a blessing.

  4. Pippa

    This is a really well done, succinct and thorough critique. Great job!

  5. Loren Haas

    Nice job of reinforcing the point that an adulterers behavior is their choice, and not the inevitable result of another person’s actions. This truth is frequently overlooked. Counselors often act as mediators seeking the easy middle ground instead of pointing out people are accountable only for themselves. Thus, while we may share some responsibility for the breakdown of a marriage, we have no responsibility for how our spouse responds.

  6. StandsWithAFist

    I hated this book when it was first published, & I hated it more when some women I knew began to promote it as “the” model for “Christian” marriage. I am so thankful that it has finally been exposed for the drivel that it is. I believed then & still believe that this book is a shallow & silly premise for a healthy marriage. Burn it.

  7. Kay

    Couldn’t agree more!The pastor of the church I attended at the time gave this book to all couples as a wedding present.I can hardly bear to get rid of books, but this one went to the landfill years ago.

  8. Momma to 4

    The link is broken.

    • Hi Momma To 4:

      The link in the post is now working! Thank you for bringing it to our attention.

  9. Lee

    I wish I could read it

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