An unusual story of God’s intervention
We are grateful to this reader for her account of how she knew when it was time to leave.
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Just today I was reading the blog article about knowing the will of God and how many have heard God tell them its time to leave (What Single Realization Helped You Get Free?)
My experience was a bit different to that. And in many ways it was totally weird.
I had been married for close on 30 years. I can see now the controlling was there from the start of the relationship. I guess it was about five years in I realized things weren’t great. It took me another ten to realize they were actually quite bad and nothing I did or tried seemed to work. The next ten years I continued to try and tried to get him to change too. The last five were spent realizing I had been abused, building myself up with counseling to a point of strength to tackle the marriage head on and discovering that marriage counseling is indeed the worst experience an abused woman can endure. (I will give birth four more times and raise the babies … rather than go through that again.)
We had been in couples counseling for 16 months. At the start I had stated my five specific areas that needed addressing and which I refused to compromise on. The ex promptly got me to compromise on one. I saw the compromise as a step along a journey. He saw it as a box ticked. (and I’m also pretty sure now that he didn’t stick to the compromise from the minute he walked out of the counselors office – that’s another story!)
We spent 16 months spending more time together – so more opportunities to drip his water torture and more communicating. Yes, yes, a verbally abused woman needs her husband to talk to her more.
Towards the 16 month mark we missed a number of appointments in a row and his continued controlling and verbal abuse had me spiraling back to the black, dark place I had been when I first sought individual counseling. I had built myself up from this place and had vowed never, ever to return to it. So I started to think about when should one pull the plug? How did you know? I felt it was nearer rather than further away but still wasn’t sure. And I had no idea how it was going to play out.
I went to bed with nothing resolved.
When I woke up the next morning, it was like I had missed a day in my life and on that day the decision had been made that I would leave the marriage. I had not made that decision the night before when I went to sleep. I did not wake up and make it. I woke up with it already made. It is truly one of the weirdest feelings I have ever had.
God made that decision. For me, there is no other explanation. And the blessings have just continued to flow from then, so that I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I am exactly where He wants me to be.