A Cry For Justice

Awakening the Evangelical Church to Domestic Violence and Abuse in its Midst

Unholy Charade – A new book being written by Jeff Crippen with Rebecca Davis (and we need Your help)

I (JeffC) am beginning to write a new book in collaboration with Rebecca Davis, an author and book editor of many years experience. Rebecca recently helped our friend Dale Ingraham with his book, Tear Down This Wall of Silence: Dealing With Sexual Abuse in Our Churches (Ambassador International: 2015). The new book is entitled Unholy Charade: Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church.  Its message will be the same as A Cry for Justice: How the Evil of Abuse Hides in Your Church (2012) but it will be a new book written in the light of our past three years experience with abuse victims, abusers and readers of our blog here at ACFJ.

I am asking abuse victims/survivors like yourself if you would be willing to send me a short first-person account, 350 words or less, fitting under one of the following headings, from your own story/experience of abuse.  This will make the book much more powerful and “real,” giving us some short and powerful vignettes that we could scatter throughout the book. In addition I am hoping this will be a way for abuse victims and survivors to be a vital part of this project in exposing the wicked abuser, confronting churches and Christians who enable them, and encouraging other victims. We will be telling at least a part of YOUR story.  I will use as many of your accounts as I can, and you can write on one or more of the topics below.

If you decide to submit an account I would ask that you please include the statement “You have my permission to publish this account” as part of your account, and for legal reasons of granting permission to publish the account, I will need your real name.  However, if your account is used in the book you may remain anonymous and your real name will remain private in my document files.  Just let me know when you submit your account how you want to be identified.  Also, please realize that if your account is used it may be an edited version of what you submit to me.

Finally, you may email your account to me at swordtrowel@gmail.com.  Please do not submit any accounts in the comment section of this post.  It is important that accounts come to me via this email address so they do not clutter up the comment section and because we do not want real names exposed on a public blog.

To summarize — if you want to submit an account(s), please:

1) limit the account to 350 words or less.
2) include in your account the statement, “You have my permission to publish this account.
3) include your real name, but then indicate if you want your real name attached to your account or if you want to remain anonymous.
4) email the account to me at swordtrowel@gmail.com.

Many Blessings in Christ,
Jeff Crippen

Headings – (feel free to add your own if you don’t see it listed here)

  • playing the victim
  • morphing the victim’s words
  • creating chaos
  • messing with her mind
  • minimizing
  • changing the rules
  • telling other people what they ought to do
  • objectification
  • master of the bedroom
  • boredom
  • exaggerations
  • distorting reality or rewriting history
  • double standard
  • acting like a child
  • pornography
  • lack of empathy
  • shamelessness
  • demands
  • forgiveness
  • seeks pity
  • unusually compelling charm
  • above the law
  • how he acts in the cycle of abuse (normal phase, setup, abuse, pity and excuses)
  • how your pastor/church responded when you asked them for help.
  • Working to gain allies
  • Using (mis-using) Scripture against you
  • Write on your own topic if we haven’t listed it

32 Comments

  1. Victoria de la Cruz

    I could write an account under every one of these categories!
    I’m wondering, Jeff, what is the time frame you are looking for? In other words what might the deadline be for submission.

    This is a very interesting project and it’s great you are including those of us with real stories from the trenches. I’d be honored to be a part of it.

    • Jeff Crippen

      Victoria – As soon as possible, though I realize it may take some time. Within a month would be best. You certainly can submit them one at a time, as you finish each subject. That would be fine. Many thanks!

  2. cindyrapstad

    I think many of us could write one under each of the headings. How were we abused? Let us count the many ways and once we come out under the fog we find out we were being abused by others than THE abuser.

  3. moderndaysamaritanwoman

    Reblogged this on modern day samaritan woman and commented:
    Reaching out to those that have been abused or think they may have, or know someone that is/has been. This site is awesome, powerful and empowering.

  4. Are these all of the headings? I was wondering if you will have one that is about using scripture or “God” against me? Not sure if it fits in with what you are doing but it certainly was used, and quite effectively, to control me. Thanks to you and Barbara, I have a MUCH better understanding of so many scriptures that were used in that way.

    • Rebecca Davis (@RebeccaJoyDavis)

      Hi Debby~ Hope I’m not speaking out of turn here to say that I think you should definitely include those. (There was a whole big section about that in Dale Ingraham’s book about sexual abuse.) Barbara and Jeff’s amazing insights have been very helpful to me in my own understanding of the subject.

    • Jeff Crippen

      Debby – No, you can add your own headings. I should have specified that. I will go back and do so.

  5. AJ

    I really appreciate that you have created a space and opportunity for survivors to tell their story. I believe it is powerful and life changing to process and share in order to begin moving on.

    God bless you and give you strength for taking on the project!!
    AJ

  6. Still Reforming

    Bravo! Anything and everything to open the eyes of the true church to this evil in her presence.

    Sharing on social media….

  7. Are there legal ramifications (the abuser suing us) to the victim if we have you publish our real names?

    • Jeff Crippen

      I can’t give legal advice, but we just don’t use real names on our blog or in our books when it comes to victims and abusers. I know sometimes victims want to shout it from the rooftops and one great Day that will happen. But for now in our work here at ACFJ we don’t identify.

      • Ok thank you.

  8. FreeAtLast

    Jeff, I would like to purchase your book on amazon, but am not able to because it sells for $153.00 to $600.00. This is what amazon is selling it for. I have gone to amazon many different times thinking that the price has changed and maybe it is my computer, but is there any way amazon can change the price to the correct amount? What is the price for your book? Not sure if other people are coming up against this also.
    Would you be able to look into this. How else can I buy your book other than amazon?
    Thank-you.
    Your website has been very helpful. My church and elders are using this website to help me in my own situation and they are talking about abuse in church and educating people on it. How cool is that?

    • Rebecca Davis

      Free, Cumberland Valley still has it at a normal price. Hope this link works:

    • FreeAtLast,

      There are ongoing problems with the publisher, which is why the selling price on Amazon is so crazy. As Rebecca noted the book can be purchased at Cumberland Valley It can also be purchased at Christian Book Distributors.

  9. Round*Two

    FreeAtLast,
    I looked up Amazon to check out the prices of Pastor Jeff’s book! Wow! Starting price at $157.11! Satan is sure trying to stop the sale of this book?

    • Jeff Crippen

      Round Two – as twbtc said, those high price listings on Amazon are bogus – although I bet some charlatan will take your money if you order from him! Somehow these guys have a computer mechanism something set up that automatically raises the prices if it is out of stock. I don’t know. But I do know that it sure doesn’t help books sales!! Our publisher claims he is going to fix this, and the sooner the better. In the meanwhile yes, go to those other places to buy the book. Anyone charging more than about $21 or so (and you can I think get it for less) is charging too much.

  10. I just looked on amazon for pastorJeffs book, A Cry for Justice, and used is going for 249.00 and new is over 500.00.

    • Jeff Crippen

      Stands – And you didn’t buy a couple of copies? Ha! You would think it is the Gutenberg Bible or something! Just ignore the listing on Amazon and go to those other places, Cumberland Valley Book and Bible, and Christian Book Distributors. And if you all want to start sending emails to Calvary Press and tell them to fix the problem at Amazon, go for it!

  11. Innoscent

    Jeff and Rebecca, may God guide you on this journey of putting together a new book on abuse in the church.
    I would like to know if you are going to deal with husband-wife domestic abuse only/mainly or include other siblings as abusers. I’ve been dealing with a unique type of abuser, which I cannot describe here.

    • M&M

      Dear Innoscent, you are not alone in having a non-spouse abuser!! (I had one a long time ago). Sad to hear that you haven’t gotten free from it yet 😦 😦 😦

    • Innoscent

      Dear M&M, thank you for your compassion. My situation is crazily complex. It’s both husband and non-spouse abuse. I’ve been separated from both but there is still some abuse remotely. 😦

      • Rebecca

        Innoscent~ Grieving with you to hear of this, and of the manipulation and abuse that still goes on. Jeff may want to address parental abuse and sibling abuse in this new book, but I think the emphasis will still be on spousal abuse (primarily of course because of many Christians’ views about divorce that teach that an abused spouse is not allowed to break free from the abuser). The dynamics of abusive parents and of abusive siblings are so similar, though, and deserving of being addressed.

      • Innoscent

        Rebecca, thank you for caring. In spite of the abusive tactics done remotely I am doing fine and enjoying the new me and life. 🙂 I’m so much better equipped now to deal with abusers and ACFJ has helped me tremendously.

        I had a feeling that you and Jeff would deal with spousal abuse primarily but just thought I’d ask. Perhaps other types of DV can be the topic of a third book… 😉
        Maybe I can put a heading about how the spouse’s abuse colludes with other abusers in the family, family gang abuse. 😦

      • how the spouse’s abuse colludes with other abusers in the family, family gang abuse.

        I like that idea for a heading! And especially the term ‘family gang abuse’.

        Quite a few of our readers will relate to that term.

      • Rebecca

        I like that too! I’ll certainly suggest it.

  12. SeeClearerNow (prev NotHeard)

    I’d like to write about abuse in my marriage but I don’t know which one heading to pick: my story fits at least 12 of them – all woven into the web together!!

    • Jeff Crippen

      SeeClearer – Go ahead and give it a go anyway, even if your story is a tapestry:)

  13. I would like to contribute. Do you prefer we send one statement, covering more than one topic and longer than 350 words or several, shorter statements one at a time? Thank you.

    • Jeff Crippen

      Thank you! The best way for us is shorter accounts relating to one (I know they often overlap) abuser tactic. But if you are more comfortable putting it all in one submission then go ahead and we can put the parts where they fit in the book. These real accounts are powerful and effective in getting the church’s attention. Many thanks to you.

  14. Cris

    Just found this through a complex maze that started with Naghmeh Abedini posting Gary Thomas’ blog “Enough is Enough,” then went through about 6 blog/websites and 5 of your articles! All excellent!! Wish I would have found this years ago!

    […]

    • Hi Cris
      thanks for your encouragement and welcome to the blog. 🙂

      We always like to encourage new readers to check out our New Users Info page as it gives tips for how to guard your safety while commenting on the blog.

      Also, I removed some of your comment. To understand why, please read the section on the New Users Info page headed ‘Including Links or Resources in your Comments’.

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