A Cry For Justice

Awakening the Evangelical Church to Domestic Violence and Abuse in its Midst

Progress Report on Our New Book – “Unholy Charade”

Jeff Crippen and Rebecca Davis are pleased to report that Unholy Charade is halfway completed and we are tentatively aiming for completing the rest of the manuscript by July and seeing it published in the fall. We want to thank everyone who has contributed their own stories of abuse and encourage all of you to share even more.  Specifically, right now we need additional illustrations for the following topics, though we are very glad to receive accounts of other tactics as well. We cannot promise to include every single account submitted, at least in this present project, but we plan to write more books after this and will keep everything submitted on hand.

Remember, this is a very real opportunity for victims to “shout it from the rooftops” and expose this evil. Also, these testimonies from myriads of abuse survivors will simply not be easily dismissed by people who are still balking at admitting these evils are in the church.

[Don’t forget to include the statement, “I grant you permission to publish this account”]

Publishing will of course be done anonymously to protect your identity.

Chapter 2 Inside the Abuser’s Mind

No empathy

No fear (when he should fear)

The maturity of a two-year-old

The cycle of abuse (buildup, setup, blowup, cover-up, buy-back)

The two-faced master

Chapter 3 Manipulating Reality

Creating an atmosphere of chaos and confusion

Changing the rules

Unpredictable

Unknowable

An expert on any subject

Above the law

Cutthroat competitiveness

The boredom of royalty

“Storytelling”

Rewriting history

Minimizing

Using the victim’s conscience against her

Chapter 4 Degradation and Terror

Objectification and jealousy

Treating her like a servant and a child

Accusing her of wrong motives

Ridiculing, mocking speech

Silence and isolation

Violation of boundaries

Indulging in pornography

Abuse in the bedroom

Becoming her hero

19 Comments

  1. Joe Godal

    Looking forward to reading it. Sounds good,Jeff.

  2. I have stories I could submit. Currently feeling so traumatized I don’t know if I can. Would love to find the strength somehow

    • Remedy

      Dear loves6….I know exactly what you are saying with being so overwhelmed. Sitting down to write it out is too much when we are in that place. Do you have a trusted friend who could perhaps sit at a keyboard and type in as you speak the examples? I would assume the ACFJ team would then be able to help with editing to make it flow nicely.

      • rebecca

        This is a good idea, to work with a trusted friend or counselor. I’ve had friends who sent me writings that were disorganized from the effects of PTSD. I’ve organized the writings and sent them back to my friends for approval before posting them, for example, on the BJUGrace website.

        Even if your PTSD is preventing you from submitting in time to meet the deadline for this book, please do still consider writing it when you’re able. Jeff wants to do other books, and of course this website will be a safe place to tell your stories too.

      • Rebecca, just a tip. Be careful what comes up in the “Name” field when you comment here, and if need be, edit it before hitting ‘submit’. I edited your screen name in the above comment.

  3. listening ear

    II will pray for you Loves6 tonight for the Lord to strengthen you

  4. Desiree

    How do we submit to this? Also, my account is very specific (as general details will detract from its impact). I can’t imagine my ex-husband or his family would pick up this book for their coffee tables, but I am wondering how sources would be protected. [My ex used the Freedom of Information Protection Act to access police and medical files related to my case, so I want to be cautious.]

    • Jeff Crippen

      Hi Desiree – If you have any concerns that make you uneasy submitting accounts of abuse, please don’t put yourself in that position. Very understandable. One thing as it seems to me though is that abusers’ tactics are sooooo typical that one story sounds like another. The key is to leave out identifying, overly-specific details. Quite often on this blog in fact we will edit comments so that they are not identifying and in some cases we don’t publish them at all for that reason. And of course we never use real names.

  5. M&M

    When will we be notified about whether our submission is chosen or not chosen?

    • Jeff Crippen

      M&M – I’m sorry but we won’t be able to notify everyone. We just don’t have the people-power to do that. Remember though, we have concrete plans to write more books after this one and we will certainly be looking through our collection you all have sent in for those books too.

  6. Free At Last

    I’ve just divorced After 35 years of living with a wolf in Sheeps clothing. His facade of Mr Nice Guy hides a malevolence directed solely toward me. Predatory, we met when I was a naive teenager, he a “worldly” man with a decent job, several years older than me.

    The physical violence began when I was pregnant with our first child. Strangulation, fractured ribs, strike to the head that made me see stars….these all healed. It’s the emotional scars that take time. His GASLIGHTING, blameshifting, cycle of abuse, buying me nice things made me feel like a tramp, a prostitute, being paid to supply him his unquenchable quest for power & domination. Our adult children cheated of a real dad. Emotionally unavailable. Inappropriate relations with other women. Sexual addiction. Pornography & the objectification that goes with.

    The courts do NOT protect the woman when an animal of this sociopathic caliber charades on the witness stand during protective order hearings. For ten months, I sought the Lord’s direction once my blinders were removed allowing myself to finally see the evil in our home, in our marriage. God hates divorce but I finally understood with the help of a counselor that God hates domestic abuse a lot more than divorce. You have my permission to publish my story or parts thereof. I’ve 35 years to tell about/more fits here. Feel free to contact me. AND HOW CAN I PRE-ORDER YOUR BOOK??

    • Dear Free At Last, I airbrushed some of your comment to remove identifying details. We want you to be safe!

      Please read our New Users Info page as it gives you tips for how to guard your safety while commmenting on this blog.

  7. Jersey Girl

    Abuse in the bedroom- When I first married my husband, he produced a collection of Playboy magazines that spanned decades. I was repulsed by this “pre-Christian” obsession with pornography and told him to throw them away. We had a sexless marriage for years. And he was constantly complaining about spam email that was pornographic in nature. A computer geek friend informed me that you only get those types of emails if you frequent porn sites. He also said that is the main way you get computer viruses and if you don’t go to those sites, you don’t even need virus software. Our computer had viruses all the time. I understand when you are satisfying yourself sexually through pornography, you will have no desire for the real thing with your wife. And I also understand this causes an inability to perform sexually. I had a sexless marriage and I was blamed for it. I also felt no intimate connection or desire for him because these men have no ability to have true intimacy with a woman. You’ve heard of the shallow end of the pool? My husband had the depth of a puddle. I think this type of sexual abuse is more common in abusive marriages that we realize. And I, of course, was made to feel that it was all my fault.

    • Jersey Girl

      I grant you permission to publish this account

    • Jeff Crippen

      Thank you JG. Yes, I am sure you are right about this being extremely common. It is abuse. It is deception. It is adultery. And certainly it is grounds for biblical divorce.

  8. Annie

    Do you want our examples posted in this comment section?

  9. Rachel

    Hi Pastor Jeff. I just found this in the depths of my email box as I was trying to clean it out. Are you still looking for examples?

    • Jeff Crippen

      You can still submit examples, Rachel. It might not make it into the present book – the manuscript is completed – but I plan to do another one starting this fall land I will need plenty of additional true story illustrations of evil for that one. Thank you.

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