Anger is Not the Abuser’s Issue – He Didn’t “Just Snap”
The New York Daily News reported this story yesterday, June 17, 2015:
A New Jersey cop furious over child custody issues ran his ex-wife off the road, then gunned her down in front his young daughter and fellow officers Tuesday morning, authorities said. . .
“It looks like he just snapped,” witness Linda Jones, a neighbor who knows Seidle, told the Asbury Park Press. “I’m sad for the wife. I’m sad for the children, I’m sad for him. . . “
Seidle was a 22-year veteran in Neptune and served four years in the Navy. He split with his wife less than a month ago after nearly 25 years of marriage. . .
The cop was obsessed with porn and video games, cheated on his wife and often got violent with her. When she was pregnant, he once kicked her in the stomach, and also held a gun to her head and cocked it, according to a divorce complaint obtained by the Asbury Park Press. . .
He also beat her on her birthday when she fought with him about a charge for pornography on their cable pill, the complaint said. . .
Abusers do NOT “just snap.” The implication in that phrase of course is that they are really normal folk who just reach a point where the burden and stress of life is too much for them to handle and they “snap” under the load like an overloaded support beam in a building. Wrong! As this news story goes on to say Seidle had a long history of wickedness against his wife. (The justice system obviously grievously failed this lady. Why in the world was he still a police officer??!!)
Abusers do NOT “just snap.” Abusers simply keep on doing what they have been doing all along, often with increasing intensity. They are not “out of control” with anger. They specifically and intentionally target the people and objects they want to damage or destroy, bypassing other targets that are important to themselves. They selectively rage in other words.
Notice in this case that this wicked, evil abuser in the end did NOT kill himself. He made that choice. I would suggest that his choice was colored by some notion that the culture he lived in sympathized to some extent with him! “Hey, Sarge, we understand. She just pushed you over the edge. Could happen to any of us.” Now that may or may not be accurate about how his fellow officers really think (although let’s face it, that kind of mentality is far too common), but the fact is that Seidle chose not to kill himself. He chose, just like all abusers who “just snap”, to make a choice. They really are not “out of control” after all and therefore they do NOT deserve our sympathy.