A Cry For Justice

Awakening the Evangelical Church to Domestic Violence and Abuse in its Midst

Thursday Thought — The Serious and Harmful Nature of Financial Abuse

Financial abuse is hard to recognize and it often happens in abusive relationships. We recently put this 7 minute video on our Resources pages: video & audio, Red flags in New Relationships, and Understanding Domestic Abuse.   This video highlights the serious and harmful nature of financial abuse.

[vimeo https://vimeo.com/112677144]

 

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Here are two additional resources about financial abuse that we will also be putting on our Resources page:

Financial Abuse – Gives information on how to handle the aftermath of this type of abuse, including dealing with credit card debt, identity theft, and discusses financial matters that arise when leaving an abusive relationship

Financial Savings & Debt Management – Gives financial strategies for navigating debt and savings.

10 Comments

  1. Brenda R

    Awesome, relevant and familiar amongst other forms of abuse. This is one I caught early and took back my power on. I came into the relationship with good credit and left the same way. I can’t say the same thing for my dignity, but it is coming back. The ‘c’hurch will still say that if you’re married and one spouse puts you in hock up to your eye brows that you’ll just have to live with it.

  2. godsgirl

    Ah, yes, “Having separate accounts means you’re not committed”. Rubbish.

  3. The worst thing about financial abuse is that it can go on even after the divorce. My Adoring Christian Father didn’t pay the child support until the 14th last month– and he certainly isn’t going to pay for the winter clothes and shoes we need! Forget the giving spirit of Christmas, that Jezebel of a mother needs to pay for her disobedience!

    I really loathe him.

  4. Alone on the Range

    Another life and death situation created by the abuser that is extended by the church. I’ll never forget the 6 blank stares when I was asked (I did not even ask myself), if my daughter and I needed help. Even the person that asked was dumbfounded, as if these “christians” standing in the 200 year old church had just heard me say the most shocking thing ever. I has asked if anyone could please give us a ride, because my husband took our car. And here we are living on government assistance because the church turns a blind eye to our suffering.

  5. Annie

    My husband came late to this idea–of financial abuse. Early in our marriage he twice “suggested” I’d get an “allowance” to pay bills etc. I simply said no and he let it go. I’d worked in the financial world and was insulted he’d suggest such a thing. It never occurred to me at the time that it was abuse because of course I hadn’t figured that out yet.

    Sometimes I wish I’d allowed it because I’d probably have a nice little savings account now. He took the check book away from me a couple of years ago when he was unemployed. He took over bill paying. He spent all our savings and didn’t pay bills when he did have the money. Totally financially irresponsible. Now he’s working again and we still have no money and he likes to tell me how I need to quit spending money. It was up to me I’d cancel [some of the expenses I feel are unnecessary], etc, etc. Instead I mend my clothes and hope no one notices my shoes are really worn.

    [Eds – details removed for safety reasons]

  6. Seeing the Light

    My anti-husband also discovered financial abuse rather late. It has been just a few months since he took control of everything after years of total disinterest in the finances and is doling out meager amounts for groceries, while I have growing teenagers to feed. He has friends that he thinks of as advisors and counselors driving him. He blames his control and manipulation on God. He tells us it is the will of God. I believe there is an evil spirit working among these friends of his who profess to be Christians. There is a strong spirit of distorted patriarchy and domination of women. It’s like a cult.

    There is a small part of me that is grateful he finally went this far. He has been a covert narcissist (and, I believe, sociopath) parading as a good, Christian man and servant to all whose favor he desired (outside our home). My health was ravaged over the years that I struggled to understand what was so wrong with me. Now, however, I know just how deep the evil runs. More importantly, our children know. They know what he is and what he is not. May they never forget. And, now is the hard process of trying to rebuild my health and all of us healing spiritually and emotionally. We are still in it for custody reasons, but at least now we know – at least in part – what we are dealing with.

  7. Scared momma

    My husband is accusing me of financial abuse, and like most things with abuse others believe it. All though our marriage, I was forced to do all the finances and keep records of every dime spent so he could see where all the money was spent, while he used cash and never said where that money went. Turns out he is spending hundreds of dollar a week cash while I pay all the expenses. Have no idea what he is buying or maybe he’s just hiding that money. I have now put a password on my computer, so I’m the bad one. He tells everyone he is locked out of bank accounts because he can’t get on my computer. Yet, he has multiple credit cards and of course cash, his name is on the accounts. I just haven’t done all the work for him. Recently, he purchased large personal items [Eds other details removed to disidentify].

    I am the one stuck living in same house with him because the law is such that I can not buy a home without him giving me permission, which he won’t do. But, he is [i.e., he claims he is] the victim. I kicked him out of master bedroom and forcing him to live in guest room. And it’s so horrible that I make him live in this situation for months and months , when he could leave anytime or if he would sign some forms I could leave. Really angers me how easily people believe him and support him, when if you stop think about it what he claims doesn’t even make sense.

    • Dear Scared momma, your anger and indignation is fully justified!
      The people who so easily believe him — yes, that is SOOOOO common. I encourage you to just keep working bit by bit at planning how to get free of this man.
      If you haven’t already done so, I suggest you contact the hotline in your country and ask them to put you in touch with whatever local services there are in your area for support for victims of domestic abuse. Keep asking for help; keep being the polite pest in contacting DV services and keep seeking ideas for steps you can take to bit by bit get free. The hotlines numbers are in our Resources section (tab at the top or side of the blog).

      It’s nice to hear from you again. We haven’t heard from you for a while.

  8. healinginhim

    Thank you for posting this. Excellent warning.

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