“She Just Wants to Take Him for all She Can” — Really?
As we know, abuse victims are regularly and roundly criticized (that’s putting it mildly) for leaving and/or filing for divorce from their abuser. One of the charges made against them is that “she just wants to take him for all she can in divorce court.” And, of course, abusers love to repeat this mantra, claiming that the courts are dominated by the feminists and men received gross injustice there.
That is a fantasy that originates with and is promoted by abusers. Let’s do a reality check.
What is the situation of the typical abuse victim who leavers her abuser? What happens when she files for divorce and the courts return a judgment? I can tell you, as can our readers. We can tell you because we talk to lots and lots of abuse survivors who left their abuser. Here is what happens to her and the children with her:
- She has no job, no means of making an income. Her abuser saw to that.
- She has nowhere to go, or if she stays in the present home and the abuser moves out, she just barely ekes by.
- Court action and processes drag on and on and on because her abuser uses the court as an instrument to continue the abuse.
- She is shunned by her church “friends.”
- She has to yield to court-ordered visitation of the children with the abuser
And I am sure I have left out other “fun” aspects of her life after she leaves.
Now, think! Think! Do you really believe that abuse victims file for divorce because they just know they can “take him for all they can”? Think again. Why in the world would ANY person subject themselves to such a life if their claims of abuse were false? Think again. Just how terrible and insufferable must the abuse be if she is willing to endure an impoverished life with all the other painful trappings that go along with it, to escape the abuse? “Hmmmm, you say. Must be pretty bad.” Yep. It is. And most likely worse than you imagine.
So for all the crying and wailing on the part of abusers, and by these “fathers’ rights groups,” their claims just do not add up.
If you’ve never commented on this blog before it is important to read our New Users’ Info page because it gives tips for how to guard your safety while commenting on the blog. And if you’re new to this blog we encourage you look at our FAQs. The New Users Info page and the FAQs can also be found on the top menu bar.