Thursday Thought — When It Just Couldn’t Be Him
Today I’m writing for women whose partners are held in high esteem in their communities, who are the kind of guy that other people look up to and wish they could be like. He may have even gotten himself into a respected position such as clergyman, policy officer, head of the Rotary Club or a similar service organization, admired businessperson, college professor, or elected representative.
Who wants to believe that a man could rise so high in public, while in private he calls his partner vile names and humiliates her in front of her children, degrades her sexually, or slams her up against the wall?
Over the years I have spoken with many women who face the loneliness and distress of being torn apart by a man who is a pillar of the community. When she dares reveal what he is doing to her, she often finds that people are angry at her instead of him, assuming that she must be making it all up.
Thousands of women across the country are living with this same hidden abuse by “great men.” You will eventually be able to find people who will believe you, and even to talk to women who have lived through similar circumstances. What is happening is real. You are not crazy. The fact that he can fool everybody is no reflection on you.
“I don’t care how admired he is; that doesn’t make what he’s doing right.”
[Entry from Lundy Bancroft’s Daily Wisdom for Why Does He Do That?*p399-400]
***IMPORTANT NOTE: While we endorse Lundy’s writings about the dynamics of domestic abuse, we do not recommend anyone attend the ‘healing retreats’ Lundy Bancroft offers or become involved in his ‘Peak Living Network.’ See our post, ACFJ Does Not Recommend Lundy Bancroft’s Retreats or His New Peak Living Network for more about our concerns.