A Cry For Justice

Awakening the Evangelical Church to Domestic Violence and Abuse in its Midst

This Fellow Says ACFJ is Demonic and We are False Prophets — What do you Want to Tell Him?

Thanks for our readers giving us a heads up to this one-star review on Amazon (for our book Unholy Charade). This guy evidences so many of the very qualities that we write about here and that so many of you have been victimized by, I thought we would just put his review up here on the blog so you all can see it and comment.  See how many abuser type tactics you can see here. And notice a very important and fundamental thing: this guy would claim to be a Christian. So many of these kind wear wool, don’t they.   [trigger warning: victim blaming and false accusations of psychological illness]
Here you go :

While there are legitimate situations where real abuse is taking place, unfortunately many women use Jeff Crippen’s book, “abuse” and “domestic violence” as a tool to demonize men to gain advantage in custody disputes and assert dominance and control in a relationship. My experience has been that “unhappy”, histrionic and delusional individuals gravitate towards this type of material because it gives them a sense of power and control and feeds the individual’s neurosis. Often times these women are suffering from acute psychological disorders and unfortunately this “abuse victim” worldview is very appealing and is used as a tool to legally abuse and inflict damage on their spouse.

Jeff Crippen has every mark of a false prophet as the Gospels describe in Matthew 7:15. Crippen even goes as far as challenging the inherency of scripture in Malachi 2:16. Crippen’s worldview is so dangerous because it is especially appealing to the victim mentality in this culture and appears hopeful to individuals going through a hard time in their marriage to read something that “biblically” pits them as the victim and gives them a weapon to use to clobber their spouse with. This is not the Gospel, and this is not following Jesus. For those that are really in serious danger, please get help. For the 90% of other folks struggling in a hard marriage, avoid this book and its groupies like the plague. This along with other demonic material that has crept its way into the church needs to be exposed for what it is, “Skubala.”

 

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71 Comments

  1. The Pharisees claimed Jesus had a demon too. If this man wants to know the truth he should get into God’s word, pray for the Holy Spirit to reveal the truth to him. The ‘psychological illness’ of oppression lifts and God gives us clarity and truth and a sound mind as he walks with us. I have a feeling his position of abuser or oppressor in the church or home has been threatened by someone who has had their eyes opened by truth!

    • Overcomer

      He probably found out his wife was reading the book or had ordered it.

      • Jeff Crippen

        Yep!!

      • poohbear

        Yes! Satan himself starts spewing lies and accusations when confronted by the truth…this man is no different!

    • Dorian Grae

      Great point, starlight. In fact, my abuser accused my mother and I of not being real Christians. And as for having psychological disorders… he accused us of that too. My abuser said I had to obey him and if I didn’t, he said he would commit me to a mental hospital.

      Furthermore, mentally ill women can be abused too. Their mental illnesses can be used against them by the abuser. I know of one woman who suffered from depression. Her husband told the judge that she was mentally unstable and she lost custody of her children. Another woman was raped but no one believed her because she had been seeing a psychiatrist.

      • You’re absolutely right that mentally ill people who are victims of abuse are more likely to be disbelieved when they report the abuse.

        And many many women who have no mental disorders have been incarcerated in mental hospitals and asylums by their abusive husbands and abusive relatives. The nineteenth century novel ‘The Woman in White’ depicts how it happened in those days. And I’m sure it’s been going on for centuries.

      • ACON

        Also an abused woman could easily get depressed, which would then again be used against her.

  2. Regaining My Voice

    Wow! That’s all I can say…how does one argue with someone like this? Just like my ex who spiritually railroaded me constantly. Because he had studied the bible so thoroughly and could speak about it so eloquently, I had no voice. I am still so easily rattled by men like this.

    • bright sunshinin' day

      Skyeviktoria,
      Sometimes, it’s best not to argue with them. Mark Twain said: “Never argue with a fool; onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.” Someone else said: “Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.” Jesus said: “Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, [NOTICE THIS] and turn and tear you in pieces.”

      There is a time for everything. The Holy Spirit is able to guide His people in knowing when and when not to answer. Proverbs 26:4-5 reads: “Do not answer a fool according to his folly, lest you also be like him. Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own eyes.” Luke 4:3-4 shows a time when Jesus countered satan’s lies with the truth: Luke 4:3-4 reads: “The devil said to Him, ‘If You are the Son of God, tell this stone to become bread.’ Jesus answered, ‘It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone.’”

      • Jeff Crippen

        Brightsunshininday – agreed. These kind can just be posted for all to see and they hang themselves. I wonder if he is a member of a church? And if he is, does his pastor think that this kind of behavior is fine? I bet the answer to both questions is, “yes.”

      • Annie

        Well written. Thank you for sharing.

    • poohbear

      Me too, Regaining My Voice…that’s why I’ve learned to do my best NOT to “argue” with them…you cannot successfully argue the truth with someone who’s intent upon lying, especially when he twists the Scripture you believe in…I’ve been there and done that…trust the Lord and Him only. Your abuser is not His divine mouthpiece…I learned that too late.

      • Bitter But Getting Better

        Great thought Poohbear: “your abuser is NOT His divine mouthpiece! That’s a tough one to learn. The devil isn’t either and I need to always remember that. Thanks for sharing.

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  3. Mark

    Interesting and predicable. Accusing those who have taken abuse as the crazies and the abusers. This very same scenario happened to me. Once my abuser determined I figured her out I became the abuser and she the victim.
    Also interesting the abusers hate when we discover we have become their victims and they hate us using that term. But when it best suits them they gladly wear the victim mantel. As for them being victims, they are victims of reaping what they have sown !
    As for the Prophet comment, I assure you Jeff, to this “professing christian,son of satan.” Your static in his kingdom is “false.” Not the case in Jesus’s
    Press on all, if we are crazy we are crazy for Christ and His Kingdom.

    • Anonymous

      Mark, you nailed it! Once they know we have them ‘figured out’ – we are “on to them’ – it’s a game changer. Their only agenda now is to totally destroy us, at ALL cost. Remember, crafting their image is a full time job to which they are happy to work overtime.

      • Bitter But Getting Better

        Anonymous, this is truth: “Remember, crafting their image is a full time job to which they are happy to work overtime.” So profound!

  4. standingfirm

    skubala? that even sounds like the name of a demon! His review against Pastor Crippen’s book is a perfect example of the verbal abuse and name calling (labels) that abusers use. I can guarantee this “christian” guy is a “controller” himself. They are like a cockroach. When the light is turned on they run and badmouth the one who turned on the light! I am so angry right now from reading his review, I have puffs of smoke coming out my ears! Pastor Crippen, keep fighting the good fight of our faith, we all love you and the work here at ACFJ will be rewarded by our Lord.

    • poohbear

      Amen, Standingfirm! The light hates the darkness, especially when it exposes the abuser for what he really is.

  5. Mark

    My review of the new book. It Rocks !
    Wolfs in wool will hate it. That’s the highest endorsement you could ask for.

  6. Anonymous

    I had read this on Amazon and it was highly triggering but what I liked best were the comments made in response to him. Here’s one that explains who he is:

    “Actually, this is Nathan Bond, although he changed his name as soon as I called him out for writing the exact same words as a “review” to “The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict.” I put the word “review” in quotations because he doesn’t review the book so much as he degrades women as a whole based on what he claims to be his own experience. I reported the review to amazon as inappropriate because he doesn’t review the book, but slams the author and women instead. He edits and re-edits his comments (and screen name, which he now put in Hebrew, using a pseudonym meaning “the truth”). Instead of citing facts to support his claims, he just makes charges and runs. What’s funny is that he changed the title of his review from the last word in his current comment (skubala), which is a crude word in Greek for dung. So he likes to toss around Hebrew and Greek words like small change without explanation. Typical of abusers, to not use facts to support their position and try to prop themselves up by accusing and blaming with gross generalities.

    Without knowing it, he makes the case for why Pastor Crippen’s book is so valuable.”

    And here we have him again showing his psychopathy by commenting to this comment:

    “What fireworks this post has brought on ! Talk about stirring up the hornets’ nest. I would never have expected such a wide reception. Is that an axe grinding in the background? Barbara Roberts, I am glad you are paying attention; you and Jeff Crippen make your living off of ad hominem personal attacks and fact free accusations on men and in my opinion have made it your life’s mission to destroy families. It’s too bad more people won’t stand up to the real wolves in sheep’s clothing here which you are. The feminist worldview has crept its way into the church and these responses really just tell it all. Thank you for the irony and helping to prove my point. I think the irony here that these individuals have failed to see is that the very things they vehemently accuse me of they are guilty of in their own responses. The abuse groupies seek to dehumanize men, tear them down and brand them with ungodly motives; however Barbara, Jeff and their cohorts undermine their own argument in their very response.
    The fact that they have already labeled me an abuser is indicative of this worldview and the primary tactic/weapon that these wolves use to attack. These folks don’t know me from Adam but based on bad grammmmmer and personal disagreement with the premise and here’s the reveal…..drum roll please…..intentional moves and changes to these posts to get their attention, these individuals have come out of the woodwork to attack and dehumanize me. You made this way too easy…You got one thing right Barbara, actions not words! Keep preaching sister!”

    1 Corinthians 13:1, “….I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.” He has no idea that he sounds irrational.

    • Overcomer

      WOW! If this is not a classic case, sentence after sentence, of projection, I don’t know what is!!!!!!

    • poohbear

      YIKES! The ABUSER tears down the family, not some “feminist” woman!

      So many of us ladies, though not perfect, have hung on so long, hoping that somehow our abusers would maybe one day see themselves as they are, the pain they’ve caused us, the bad examples they’ve set before their own sons as to how to treat women. For me, all I’ve ever wanted from my failed “marriage” was a godly man who treated me as an equal and a fellow human, someone who loved me as I am, who didn’t squash me down like a bug and try to make me feel like a hopeless, worthless excuse of a person who wasn’t worth the air she breathes (even though Christ died for me just as He did for all others.) Thirty years later, and it hasn’t happened. I NEVER did (or said) to him, the terrible things he did to me, that he still does. I wouldn’t do that to anyone, much less my spouse.

      I’d dismiss this person as very ignorant and probably with an ax to grind since someone else probably exposed him for what he is. I just feel badly for the poor women who might just take his lies to heart.

  7. Jane Smith

    This is just standard spiritual abuse. Anything that calls the abuset out and holds them accountable and supports their victim is “not Biblical,” according to the abuser. This guy either has a victim/former victim who got/is getting empowered through Jeff’s work and the book, OR, he’s an ignorant friend/pastor enabling abuse. These guys can cherry picked scripture to support their abuse (which, out of context, scripture had been used to justify slavery and segregation, polygamy and child marriage) but avoid or frame every scripture convicting them. Its what abusers do; they’re beyond predictable. I personally wouldn’t say anything to him; it’s a waste of breath I could be using to empower another downtrodden, abused person away from this guy and his ilk. Nehemiah justkept building his wall. Keep building and doing your support. The best thing to happen to this review is let it stand, it speaks for itself, as it gets buried under review after review of women who escaped and grew in Christ thanks to AFCJ. He wants to be engaged and will wither in the lack of response; he has no authority here.

    • poohbear

      I agree, Jane Smith…he’s obviously getting a kick out of people with opposing views responding to him, and using that as some sort of “proof” he is right. We need to shake his dust off our feet and move on, doing good, and not bothering with the likes of him.

  8. Anonymous

    Another ‘large and in-charge’ abuser surfaces. I will flip him off like an irritating gnat buzzing around my head. He is not worthy of further consideration and certainly not worthy to be given a platform to spew his venum. He sounds like a nobody that wants to be a somebody and therefore goes after pastor Crippen, hoping to piggyback on his God-given ministry whereby foolishly believing he will gain his own notoriety. I’ve already forgotten what’s his name.

  9. sara

    My ex-husband has gone to everyone in our church and told him how “crazy” I am. He has told them the book “Why Does He Do” that by Lundy Bancroft has poisoned my brain. He told them that my non-Christian therapist brainwashed me against him. Everyone shakes their heads and looks at me with pity and they walk away while telling me that I am a sinner to leave such a wonderful man. What else could I be but crazy?

    I recently had dinner with one of my adult aged sons and was describing all of this to him. His response floored me. He said, “Mom, you are crazy. You were the only one crazy enough to stand up to his bullying. Crazy enough to leave him and say enough. You did the opposite of what you have done for years and years. You no longer do what was “normal or expected” which was to submit to his abuse. We aren’t the prefect Christian family anymore and you exposed that, so you must be crazy. But I love the crazy you have become.”

    When a woman attempts to leave an abuser the only thing he can do is throw the accusation of “My wife is crazy” and these resources she is using contribute to her delusions. Leaving is the most terrifying thing a woman can do and most of us will show signs of being mentally deranged, because of PTSD. Place the woman in a war torn country who is trying to flee the bombings with her children, the world would have sympathy about any “crazy” things she does or say. But a woman fleeing an abusive marriage–the world just labels her as crazy, “Crazy to leave such a wonderful Christian man who provides so well.” And NO, abusive marriages are not just going through a rough patch–abusers are forcing their wives and children to walk through hell on a daily basis.

    I know my Truth. I wear my “crazy” label proud now, because I did the crazy thing and that was to survive and show my children that what we had was not normal, but crazy.

    • poohbear

      Good for you, Sara! May God continue to bless you on your journey…and what a wonderful son you raised. 🙂

    • Abby

      That’s a great kid, Sara.

    • kim

      I like your kind of crazy, Sara. And you have a great son!

  10. Bitter But Getting Better

    He reminds me of every other deviant in our world. They get their moment of fame by mass killing, suicide bombing etc., & then are either killed or spend a lifetime in prison. Who’s delusional? They are. God’s word tells us where such as these shall end up. Where there will be an eternity of weeping and gnashing of teeth. Mostly because they rejected the free gift of forgiveness and eternal life from our loving God.

    Pastor, I adored the book. Finished it in a matter of hours and am going to read it again.

    • Annie

      Bitter But Getting Better–you’re right on . My husband would of course go nuts if I were to point out his attitude of entitlement, power and control is no different that the dictators, mass killers, etc out in the world. Because it’s the attitude. He decided that he can be that way. Based on what? Nothing other than that’s what he decided. My husband would point out to me he’s never killed anyone and bash me for suggesting he’s like those people. It would feed his need to be the victim. See what she thinks of me and I’m just trying to be the man of the family…poor me…

      And nothing anyone has said to him (family) or has happened to him (fired numerous times) has changed his attitude.

      He loves to go on tirades about male-bashing. it’s is kind of amusing because his own words convict him.

      He also loves to go on and on about his extreme dislike of President Obama. He usually doesn’t say much about politics. But I can only assume he sees a competitor and it irks him because he will rant about how the President is self-centered and thinks his the smartest man in the room etc. I never stop him because I know the kids see how his very words apply to him too.

      • Bitter But Getting Better

        Annie, my unhusband does the same thing. He says “you can’t believe a single thing Obama says, cause he’s a liar.” I stand there in that twilight zone and say to myself, is this for real? This is one of the ways that I know he understands because he clearly sees it in others.

  11. Savedbygrace

    Good on you Sara! Thanks for sharing your story- I find it very encouraging, especially the wonderful freeing example you have set your children- they are blessed by you and the stand you have made- your son’s comment is very validating of the necessity and goodness of your action… stay strong!

  12. Overcomer

    Hmmmmm lets see. Victim blaming. Projection. Projection. Oh, and did I mention projection? Also, blasphemy of the Holy Spirit. You blew the lid wide open on this guy and his tactics and the whole review was his attempt to pull a big wet blanket over all this truth to cover it up and make it go away. So he can continue on in his abuse, I am sure. He is also trying to do all abusers a favor by discounting you and the book. Pshaw. Shine the light brighter and brighter Pastor Jeff, you are rocking this whole exposure thing! Good job! The enemy has his pantyhose all in a bunch!

  13. StandsWithAFist

    “skubala” is probably referring the Greek word, “skubalon”, which occurred only once in all of scripture, when Paul used it as “dung” in Philippians 3:8.
    However, in the Urban dictionary and elsewhere, it is said to be a four-letter word, which appears to the intent here toward Ps.Jeff.
    Either way, this “fellow” has used it incorrectly and irresponsibly whilst posturing as a Super Pastor falsely accusing victims of being mere groupies.
    Funny how they always expose themselves unwittingly!

  14. This person is obviously angry and frustrated that the Biblical Truth that was “once suppressed” by the church, is now getting out and setting captives free by the droves,- thanks to Pastor Crippen and Barbara and the ACFJ team, and the members that contribute here.
    It wouldnt surprise me if this is even my abuser.
    Since Ive been set free, ( thanks to the validating posts, books and messages ive recieved here)
    my abuser sends frustrated electronic messages with all kinds of false accusations against this site.
    Only because the people behind this site were instrumental in my resolve to becoming free, and to start my healing.
    I will never go back, and he knows this, so this particular review comment is indicative of an abuser’s retaliation when he doesn’t get his way, or feels threatened.
    He could be on a seek and destroy mission, because he has nothing else to focus on now that his wife is no longer a captive.

    He is a perfect prospect for Grey Rock,(no attention) as that will give him no fuel for anything.

    • Anonymous

      Standsfortruth – you are as one coming out of Egypt entering in to The Promised Land! Heal, and heal well my dear sister in Christ. Purpose WILL come from your pain. God has all your tears numbered and will put them into a bottle (Psalm 56:8).

  15. Jesus often spoke out against abusive behavior and He stood up for the weak and the oppressed. The religious elite didn’t like it any better than this self-righteous individual. In standing up for the abused, it seems to me that Jeff is doing the work of Christ. The abusers and their protectors are always upset when evil is exposed. They also accused Jesus of doing His miracles and good works by the power of Satan. If Jeff writes to expose evil and to uphold the abused by the power and leading of the Holy Spirit than it is no less a sin to accuse him of writing “Satanic” material than it was for the Pharisees to accuse Jesus.

  16. Annie

    This man writes and talks like my husband–with such “authority’ like he knows what he’s talking about because he can compose a well-written sentence. But there’s no support for what he claims.

    This made me laugh:
    “…many women use Jeff Crippen’s book, “abuse” and “domestic violence” as a tool to demonize men to gain advantage in custody disputes and assert dominance and control in a relationship.”

    Seriously? That’s all it takes is Jeff’s book? Or to claim abuse? In reality it’s often the exact opposite–claiming abuse often makes it worse. I know I’d never call my husband an abuser. I told him he was selfish and self-centered once and I still live with the consequences.

    “Often times these women are suffering from acute psychological disorders and unfortunately this “abuse victim” worldview is very appealing and is used as a tool to legally abuse and inflict damage on their spouse.”

    Love the blanket statement. And I can only assume that perhaps his abuse was so obvious that his spouse was able to use it against him. I know in my case I will never be able to because my husband has been too clever over the years to make sure I always appeared to be the difficult one.

    I’m guessing his spouse got away from him and he resents it thus the “reviews”.

  17. cindy burrell

    In the Shakespearean manner, I say, “Me thinks thou dost protest too much…”

    This man’s over-the-top detraction speaks directly to his obvious agenda. Could it be that he is furious because he has been exposed? He wants us as a body to guilt his liberated bride into returning to him and compel her to continue to put up with his junk?

    When my former husband and I were separated, he found – and took – a book I had purchased on the subject of abuse. After the book suddenly re-appeared, he began to accuse me of abusing him. This seems to be a fairly common tactic – an effort to turn the tables on the one who is finally empowered to identify and address the abuse.

    Since “Unholy Charade” identifies tendencies within the church to enable wickedness and rightly calls upon the church to address it, this man is essentially defending the church that enables treachery in marriage. If the writer is not an abuser, there is nothing to contest. He should let his wife go and allow the truth to be revealed for what it is. This man cannot let it go but must instead blame others for his present condition. Typical.

    Similarly, the “you are breaking up families” argument is bogus. The logic that the church should compel spouses to hold their families together no matter how toxic or destructive is another pretense that arises out of the abuser mindset. Marriage is sacred, not an excuse to abuse. Or is wickedness that occurs in the home somehow exempt from scrutiny and justice?

    Lastly, the commenter’s heavy-handed, accusatory, demanding, self-righteous diatribe betrays him. There is no need to “scream” when you are in the right.

    • Bitter But Getting Better

      Cindy, your mention of this: “When my former husband and I were separated, he found – and took – a book I had purchased on the subject of abuse.” It’s so much like my unhusband. He goes through my things all the time. I used to try hard to hide things from him but now I actually leave my journal available for him to read the things that I don’t have the guts to tell him. Tee hee. I can’t resist!

      • poohbear

        Bitter, you made me laugh a bit! I wish I was a brave as you and could write it all down for him to see! I have run out of places to hide my little library…

      • Bitter But Getting Better

        Poohbear, that has been consistently one of the hardest things living with this kind of predator in my own home. No privacy and nowhere to hide things I don’t want him to know about. He is a soul stealer. He has taken friends, churches, jobs and my sanity from me. I don’t write everything for him to see, just things that I wish I had the guts to say. I carry a really huge bag filled with things I don’t want him to see. My little library. I take it everywhere.

  18. Debbie

    I have been following your blog for a few years now and want to thank you for your tireless work. I was divorced four months ago after a nearly two year separation from a severe and chronic abuser of 34 years. Since my eyes were opened to the reality of my situation a few years ago my heart has ached for the lives destroyed or nearly destroyed by abuse. I am a writer and feel like shouting from the rooftops about how to spot and therefore avoid these evil people but since I have seen evil up close and barely got out with my sanity I am afraid. I feel paralyzed, especially after reading the above post. These wicked people are believed by so many, and we-the injured-are not!
    It seems as if the deceit will never end and it is the most terrifying spiritual battle ever. I have never backed down from evil, and people who know and love me describe me as courageous and strong, but I just want to lay this cross down and wave a white flag. 90 % of the fight is trying to get people to believe this evil even exists, then There are no resources left to fight the battle. I feel like a dog with my tail between my legs. For 34 years I fought daily battles just to keep myself connected to reality amidst the crazy-making, not to mention long term denial of intimacy and human kindness. I’m still too numb to fight, even though I want to. Does God understand?
    Thank you.
    Debbie

    • Bitter But Getting Better

      Debbie C,
      CONGRATS to you for getting yourself detangled from your abuser!!!!!!! I understand exactly how you feel about being too numb to fight, being paralyzed & trying to keep yourself sane. May I be an encouragement to you that I think God understands all too well and is standing in the background cheering for you as well as I am. You are still raw having survived such horrific challenges and afraid to be hurt again. He says that when we wait on the Lord He will renew our strength, we will mount up on wings as eagles, we will run and not be weary and walk without fainting. Wait Debbie until God does all of this in your life. Blessings to you in your new adventure!

      P.S. I look forward to reading your book!

      • Debbie

        Thank you so much BBGB for reminding me of that scripture 🙂

    • Anonymous

      “I have never backed down from evil, and people who know and love me describe me as courageous and strong…”

      Debbie – Our Lord never calls us to fight evil; he calls us to flee from evil. You certainly are very courageous and strong. My heart aches hearing your story of all those years of abuse! Yes, I feel as you, I want to shout it from the rooftops. I want him to pay for the destruction he has brought into my world – but we can always be assured and remember God sees all things and vengeance will be his. Yes, we are left numb and wanting to fight. As Barb said, “I have fire in my bones.” And we can fight but we must do it fleeing from evil, hiding in the shelter of His wings and let Him fight the battle just as HE promises. My prayer is that you will take time to pamper yourself and heal and cry out to your Savior as I have no doubt He does indeed understand. He will hear the cries of your heart and bind up your wounds and promises to give back the years the locusts have eaten. Trust Him with all your heart!

      • Debbie C

        Thank you Anonymous for your encouragement 🙂

      • Survivor

        Anonymous, what a startling distinction you have made! Our Lord never calls us to fight evil; He calls us to flee from it. … ? …

        What then of all the battles recorded in the OT and the references in the NT that Paul makes to warfare and weaponry and armour?

        I have always believed, having been so raised in a Good Catholic Family, that good overcomes evil; love is more powerful than hate – and that it was my responsibility to love, especially the unloveable, and it was my Christian duty to be longsuffering for as long as it took to bring the other to Christ/the light/love.

        I think I understand (and I DO understand, bit by bit, line by line, precept by precept) and then encounter another knot and feel so helpless and anxious again (undergirding belief: I don’t have what it takes to succeed/will never accomplish what I decide I want to do). : \

        (What tremendous work is being done in this blog. This is love in action – chasing the profaners and thieves out of our Father’s temple and sitting down to make breakfast for each other – such nourishing food truth spoken in love is!)

      • To Survivor from Anonymous:

        Survivor – thank you for encouraging me to give a more thoughtful response to fighting versus fleeing evil. I work with a therapist who has helped me greatly in my healing and recovery process. We have spoken at great length about this very topic. Here it is in her own words, far better than I could express:

        “It’s sort of a “both/and” answer.

        Certainly we are to “flee” evil, especially in the area of our personal lives and behavior (see Ephesians 4:17-5::5). So “fleeing” is a form of “fighting” it. (As believers we have an alternative to “serving sin.” Before being believers, we were sin’s slaves.)

        Paul does picture us in a spiritual battle…otherwise Ephesians 6:10 makes no sense.

        To try to choose either/or in the sense that we either set out in our own strength to defeat Satan vs. cowering in a corner and never confronting sin is a false comparison.

        However, we are not called to fight or confront Satan. He, as a foe, is dealt with by God himself. Some Christians seem to think they should go around “confronting” or “standing against” Satan. Reason: we are not the ones who defeat him; God is.

        In God’s strength we “wrestle” with forces of evil (Ephesians 6) and also wrestle with our fallen natures (Romans 7). Neither battle can be won on our own. We ask for His strength and protection, and then we remember that the victory is already accomplished and will be “completed” at His coming”.

        And so may God help us all with understanding of His Word as we take head-on and bravely face evil.

    • Anonymous

      Debbie, I posted additional comments to my original reply to you on the subject of fighting evil. You have been on my heart and I in no way want to send a wrong message or be confusing with what I am trying to say. We certainly can be left numb and yet still wanting to fight and to stand up against the evil of abuse. And yet it is a beautiful thing to find solace in God’s promises and the teaching of Scripture that God is our defender and the judge of all. We could drive ourselves to great lengths that we could not sustain mentally emotionally and possibly physically in trying to take on the assignment of correcting our abuser.

      I had to learn that I could not force the heart-correction; only God can really correct him and hold him responsible. And even though part of me wants to declare his sins to everyone, in the end it will do nothing to change him and I will only increase my frustration when I see that my efforts have no effect.

      Yes, we have been wronged. But who can really handle those things? Only the Lord who completely changes hearts and deals with sin. Finding out how He wants us to step into His ways is the only way for us to escape our feelings of defeat. I hope you see your divorce as an escape, a blessing!

      • Debbie

        Thank you for your kind words and thoughts Anonymous. It is still hard to see the divorce as a blessing, but I do believe it was a deliverance. There is much more healing work ahead and the loneliness gets to me sometimes.
        Blessings.

  19. standingfirm

    I can only imagine what Lundy Bancroft would have to say regarding “Skubala’s” comment!!

  20. Charis

    While there are legitimate situations where real abuse is taking place, unfortunately many women use Jeff Crippen’s book, “abuse” and “domestic violence” as a tool to demonize men to gain advantage in custody disputes and assert dominance and control in a relationship.

    If he really believed that legitimate abuse was taking place, then using Ps Crippen’s book as a tool would be a value add, not a value loss. Further, he has just flipped the tables incriminating women as the true abusers: victims are now abusers and abusers are now victims and they have learned these tactics “unfortunately” from such tools as Ps Crippen’s work. This isn’t even sound logic. And there is no research I am aware of to back up his assertion. None. Oh, and I’m not aware of the ability to demonize other people…that’s a personal choice on the part of the individual. Nice try…

    My experience…

    He has a story to tell and he’s bitter about it. This also gives him unique insight and facts that no one else can argue against because, well, you know – it’s personal. News flash, film at eleven – here it comes…

    … has been that “unhappy”, histrionic and delusional individuals [cue…his ex wife, whom he has just totally minimized and denigrated.] gravitate towards this type of material

    de-personalization: it’s no longer a book, it’s “material.” If we make this less personal now — it becomes easier to be mean and provides the justification later to go for the author’s jugular.

    … because it gives them a sense of power and control and feeds the individual’s neurosis.

    His chief complaint is now “off his chest” against his former spouse. “Power” and “control” – he knows a few key words, throwing vocabulary around indicates he’s either been around the therapy block or read a few books/definitions before writing this review. Apparently, nothing sunk in. See that chip on his shoulder? It’s huge and he’s angry about it.

    Often times…

    Statistical proof? No? So, he’s inflating his text to make it look like he knows what he’s talking about because he always has to be the smartest guy in the room. Note to self: mentally disregard the rest of the sentence.

    … these women are suffering from acute psychological disorders

    He chose the word acute, meaning sudden onset – rather than chronic, which means long-standing. So…”these women” just suddenly begin to suffer “psychological disorders.” Let’s say he’s right. Why do you think this is? It couldn’t possibly be from the abuse, could it?! Nah. Interestingly, Bancroft speaks to this in his book as a reason to steer clear of Psych Testing during divorce…and here is why: because labels, however undeserved, stick and do undue damage to those who very likely are over-stressed, over-traumatized, with few coping strategies and who score poorly during review/testing.

    …and unfortunately

    I’m not buying his false sense of compassion built into the word “unfortunately.”

    …this “abuse victim” worldview is very appealing

    It is? For or by whom? I’ve not spoken to anyone who thinks it’s appealing to walk about declaring themselves openly as a victim of abuse. It’s embarrassing…and scary…and all kinds of unacceptable met with sideways glances and skepticism.

    …and is used as a tool to legally abuse and inflict damage on their spouse.

    There is that word again “tool.” He’s forcing us to mentally detach word by word from how we typically internalize books (even if they are tools) as helpful or constructive and now the word has become more akin to a weapon or at least a demolition tool – one of force. In fact, this tool is used to “inflict damage” —— very weapon-like.

    Jeff Crippen has every mark of a false prophet

    Every single one? Are we sure? How does he know? Excuse me if I don’t swallow this pronouncement based on a book review written by an anonymous reviewer giving a character reference of an unknown author with no proof of personal relationship.

    … as the Gospels describe in Matthew 7:15.

    He picked an interesting passage, plucked a verse straight out simply for the words he wished to accentuate (false prophet) and discarded the rest of the chapter. Doing this was a dangerous and foolish move on his part though I doubt he sees himself negatively in the whole of Matthew 7 – which discusses judging, casting out the log in our own eye before becoming obsessed with the speck found in others, and the tell-tale fruit born of healthy relationship to Christ (or not). What fruit does he have, I wonder: bananas stapled on an apple tree?

    Crippen even goes as far as challenging the inherency of scripture in Malachi 2:16.

    This sentence doesn’t even make sense. I get what he means here yet he fails – once again – to build a viable argument. He’s using high dollar vocabulary in place of sound reasoning: “inerrancy” and “Malachi 2:16” with no original thought to back that up. He is hoping to use these bullets to shoot holes in Ps Crippen’s reputation without getting gun residue on his hands. He’s a coward.

    Crippen’s worldview …

    What is this worldview he references? This man’s lack of knowledge and – yet again – poor vocabulary with the inability to string an argument together is appalling. Describe this so-called faulty worldview so we can discuss it. He is throwing words around hoping others will think he knows what he’s talking about. He doesn’t. This whole paragraph is – I think – what Barbara calls word salad.

    …is so dangerous because it is especially appealing to the victim mentality …

    I don’t think he has an accurate definition of what victim mentality truly is. This is the 2nd time he’s mentioned that such a mentality is appealing. So, once more – he uses high dollar word, hoping people will be impressed. Image grooming.

    …in this culture and appears hopeful to individuals going through a hard time in their marriage

    This is revealing. Who wouldn’t want to give people experiencing difficult marriages hope? Is he a hope-killer? Apparently, whatever else it is Ps Crippen writes about – he gives hope to the hopeless and according to THIS guy…that is a bad, bad thing. Lack of empathy. Right there.

    …to read something that “biblically” pits them as the victim and gives them a weapon to use to clobber their spouse with.

    This doesn’t add up. He’s just validated that the Bible pits victims as victims. I have NEVER heard of such a phrase – probably because it is pure lunacy – you pit an antagonist against a victim not a victim against herself. And he has added another degree of negativity/hostility to the book – and, indirectly, leveled at Ps Crippen. He has moved from “material” to “tool” (and a destructive tool at that) to a “weapon to use to clobber their spouse.” He is escalating and we have just witnessed it in the space of 2 paragraphs.

    This is not the Gospel…

    What, exactly, is not the Gospel? Giving hope to the hopeless? Pretty sure there is a Bible verse that says otherwise. Destructive tools? Using weapons? Has the man not read Revelation or the armor given to us by God? Has he missed the brutality in the OT…the wars, plagues, time of the judges? If he could be so kind as to elucidate his idea of the Gospel so we could further understand and make sense of his sentence and reasoning. Or don’t – because I’m fairly certain it would be “false.”

    …and this is not following Jesus. For those that are really in serious danger, please get help.

    You can almost see the eye roll here.

    For the 90% of other folks struggling in a hard marriage,

    Statistical proof, anyone? No? Okay. Definition of what a “hard marriage” is? No? I thought not. Carry on.

    avoid this book and its groupies like the plague.

    Okay, so…groupies was a little demeaning. According to the US Census, in 2014 there were 59.64m married people. If we used his percentages, that 10% are “really in serious danger” – we’re looking at getting help for roughly 6m people (5.96m). While attaching numbers to domestic violence is difficult – especially considering that not all types of violence is recognized nor reported. Unwittingly, this man – while being a smartass – has no clue what his proposed numbers really look like on an annual basis: even taking just the USA, millions lof married persons need to “get help” because they are in “serious danger” each year. I doubt he suspected any such number…plus the countless others – like children, unwed mothers, and all the unreported cases.

    This along with other demonic material

    One more escalation: from material to demolition tool, and from weapon to demonic material. Make no mistake – this man escalates things in a hurry: verbally or otherwise.

    that has crept its way into the church needs to be exposed for what it is, “Skubala.”

    Such a Biblical know-it-all yet he ends his diatribe with cursing in Greek and…in a fashion that removes himself from actually swearing, you know, because he did it in a foreign language and all. It’s not like he really said the word, so he gets a free pass. Oh, and he insulted your intelligence doing it. Bonus points for that. Image grooming, Narcissism. Ego trip, any one? Free tickets available here.

    • That says it all, Charis. I take my hat off to you for this decoding and analysis. 🙂
      I formatted the text of your comment to show more clearly the quote from Nathan Bond. If you are not happy with what I did there, email me or TWBTC.

    • Abby

      Oh, Charis, this is great! Going through line by line shows clearly the perversion of his statements. Thank you for taking the time to do that for us. You also have a great sense of humor. I’m going to remember the line “stapling bananas to an apple tree.” Haha!

      • Charis

        I can’t take credit for the “stapling bananas to an apple tree” line. That pearl goes to someone here. It was part of a post that was memorable for me, too.

        Glad you enjoyed the critique. It was a helpful (and cathartic) exercise for me.

    • standsfortruth

      Thank you for your closer introspection on this commenter Charis.
      You have effectively stripped away his fake veneer, smoke and mirrors talk, and false assumptions so well.
      All that is left is the empty “puff of smoke” that it always was.

    • Survivor

      Thank you for breaking it down – it’s important to see the progression of escalation and to recognize the narcissism/ego-tripping step by step, piece by piece. What great exercise – at times it was even fun!

    • Annie

      excellent!

      My husband talks like this guy too! My husband once told me he knows he’s smarter than everyone else because no one can ever refute the things he says.

      This was like a take down of one of my husband’s diatribes if I had the energy

      This guy thinks he’s so special and he just like all the other abusers out there.

    • Kay G.

      Charis:
      Just two words for you: thank you.

  21. surviving freedom

    It seems this man believes he’s qualified enough to comment even though it seems like he’s unwilling to admit to what abuse really is. He has an attitude that I’ve seen far too many times from ‘c’hristians:

    For those that are really in serious danger, please get help. For the 90% of other folks struggling in a hard marriage, avoid this book and its groupies like the plague

    Basically, I’ve read this before in ‘c’hristian marriage material, if you’re not being physically abused than you’re just “struggling in a hard marriage,” They reject God’s Word when they do this, then turn around and accuse us of being the ones rejecting God. God’s Word points out those who pose “serious danger” to others: liars, deceivers, lust, greed, pride, false repentance – just to name a few. Then when we (the targets of these dangers) finally see the abuse for what it is and shine a light on it, we are persecuted

  22. Anonymous

    Charis – Standing ovation!

  23. rhonda

    Thank you, Jeff, for this post. I’m fascinated by the ways in which “splitting” and “projecting” appear in the attempts by abusers and their advocates to discredit victims. Projecting one’s own psychological ills and “shadow” (hurtful behaviors, cognitive distortions) onto others is one of the hallmark signs of narcissistic personality disorder. As a member of the Battered Mothers Custody Conference, I have heard countless stories in which this plays out in the context of custody disputes – to which this writer refers directly. Women and their advocates have finally learned about the dynamics of power and control thanks to the work of Ellen Pence and Lundy Bancroft and others. Abusers are enraged that we are hip to what makes them tick. They are rightly fearful that the Truth will set us free! One need read no further than the first paragraph to see this projection at work:

    (Women use these tools)…. to demonize men to gain advantage in custody disputes and assert dominance and control in a relationship. My experience has been that “unhappy”, histrionic and delusional individuals gravitate towards this type of material because it gives them a sense of power and control and feeds the individual’s neurosis. Often times these women are suffering from acute psychological disorders and unfortunately this (view) is used as a tool to legally abuse and inflict damage on their spouse.

    Legal abuse is real! The courts allow abusers to extend and amplify their financial, emotional and verbal attacks on their victims through a system that perpetuates adversarial dynamics and falls for the most transparent manipulation of the facts by the Father of Lies. The misuse of the law in family court so as to further enshrine the rights of unfit fathers is echoed in this man’s review as tries to use God’s law to do the same. To read about how this kind of projection led to my son’s abuse and to his death in December 2014, read the blog post I wrote for the Stop Abuse campaign, published January 2015:
    https://stopabusecampaign.com/christmas-day-2010-a-journal-reflection/

    Women who are interested are welcome to attend the annual Battered Mothers Custody Conference, meeting this year May 6-8 (Mothers’ Day weekend) in Albany New York. No one is turned away for lack of funds, and mothers who have been engaged in harmful custody battles are given a discount rate of $40 for registration. Connie Valentine of the California Protective Parents Association hold a prayer phone call every evening. Her group prays for all women and children whose abuse have been moved to the public arena of the courtroom where the lions roar and wish to devour us. Thank you, Barbara and Jeff for all of the Good that you do. May God bless you and keep you safe to continue this work.

  24. Joy

    The only part I agree with in this whole letter is that some people do need help, at least we can agree on something, because yes, abuse victims do need help.

    Personally, it makes me furious that this man would claim that abuse victims cause the abuser to mistreat them by manipulating him. Does this guy who wrote this article know what it’s like to suffer under the oppression of another, or watch someone else get mistreated? From what this guy is saying, it doesn’t look like it to me.

    If a loving dog who just wants to please her owner suddenly turns on the owner and bites him after being beaten, called names, and only sometimes fed and well cared for is the dog blamed because the dog wants something out of the owner so is manipulating the owner to mistreat the dog so he will beat the dog, making the dog bite the owner? No, because the dog is defending herself against the owner who is mistreating her in the first place. The idea of claiming that the wife or child is causing the abuser to mistreat her makes as much sense as saying that the dog is causing the abuse the owner is inflicting on her.

    I think this article’s author is just denying how prevalent abuse in households really is, which sadly isn’t new. This neglect of Justice through the perpetuation of the lie that abuse rarely happens makes me sick! Thank you Jeff Crippen for letting us know about this lying piece of trash the world calls an article filled with hypocritical lies.

  25. kim

    It is interesting to me how the original reviewer says that women use “abuse” as an excuse to control men. Many victims of abuse have been told THEY were the controlling ones, when, in fact, they were merely attempting to resist the abuser’s control. Similarly, the original reviewer calls those who claim abuse “delusional”- when it appears that he cannot even see the inconsistencies and delusions in this own writing. And no, there is no sense arguing with such a person, or trying to make them see reason. I believe this type of person has a reprobate mind and has corrupted their own thinking past the point where they are ever likely to repent.

  26. kim

    And for this cause God shall send them strong delusion, that they should believe a lie: (II Thessalonians 2:11) Does this remind anyone else of the reviewer’s mindset?

    • Anonymous

      Kim, I would say you nailed it with this precious pearl in Scripture. It is absolutely positively without a doubt befitting to this man’s delusional mindset. Just yesterday I received contact from my abuser and I am speechless to the point where all I can do is shake my head in disbelief as to the degree of his delusional made-up world. They are completely unplugged from reality?

  27. Joy

    @Anonymous: I think these abusers are so unplugged from reality that they believe their own delusions pertaining to their superiority over other people that they see as less than themselves.

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