A Cry For Justice

Awakening the Evangelical Church to Domestic Violence and Abuse in its Midst

Excellent Quotes on Domestic Violence from Diane Langberg

The following quotations are taken from Diane Langberg’s book Suffering and the Heart of God (New Growth Press, 2015, pp 258-259) –

Scripture gives us a basis for holding abusers accountable for their behavior. The law that is to govern the marital relationship is the law of love, and wife abuse [Langberg acknowledges women can be abusers as well]  of any sort is a profound abuse of that law. God says, ‘Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved…’ (Ephesians 5:25). That statement alone shatters any rationalization or minimization of a screaming fit or an insulting remark, a demeaning name or maneuvering for power in the relationship.

She also asks these questions of the church –

Why, when confronted with violence or abuse in a home, have we often placed the burden on the victim to justify her actions, to somehow prove that she did not ‘make’ him do it, rather than on the abuser to confess his sins and demonstrate change? We have frequently overemphasized the response of the abused to the exclusion of confronting the behavior of the abuser. Are we afraid he will turn his anger on us? Do we fear confrontation? Do we fear we will be accused of not holding the marriage covenant sacred? Do we really think protecting a home full of sin is keeping that sacred covenant? Do we fear standing with the oppressed?

11 Comments

  1. Sharing this

    I LOVE THIS, THANK YOU I SHARED IT WITH MY SURVIVORS GROUP .

    • Lost

      Your avatar picture with the lady facing the tiger is fierce. I’m curious… Is it available to be purchased as a print?

      To everyone fighting abuse – this is our face everyday.

      Big kitty, with your appetite, strong muscles, sharp claws and pretty stripes even- the truth is exposed and it’s absolute. It’s over. We have the truth and we will win because we have it now. No matter what you destroy. No matter how you lie and distort. You can NEVER change the truth of and about God and His Word and what you’ve done. This is what you aim to do.

      God says He NEVER changes- so you WILL be served justice. It WILL be in Hell and that is your choice. You think the truth is an inconvenience to you now? A disturbance to your life? An interruption in your cunning deception. The truth [messes up your plan], I mean, hurts. No no better yet, the truth will crush you and one day you will see Him face to face and so will everyone who agreed with your rampant sin and biblical distortions and shunned victims. You will be responsible to Him. He cannot be mocked or deceived. (That makes me smile big). He will avenge. And we will be safe for eternity. Covered by His mighty wings and truth. Saved.

      I can’t wait to see Him! I can’t wait to be safe! I will cling to Him for eternity and my heart will be glad.

      • Sharing This

        I actually just got it off the internet somewhere, I don’t remember where though. thank you for your response

    • Yes, this needs to be shared.

  2. Marcia

    I reckon the answers are yes, yes, yes, yes and yes. In my experience, I think there is an additional reason, that the organised church does not want the “bad” witness of all the collapsed and collapsing marriages, if we were to truly stand with the oppressed. Just goes to show how far Gothard type thinking has infiltrated, IMO

    • keeningforthedawn

      Yes, Marcia — excellent point.

  3. Anne

    This quote hit me right between the eyes, cleared the fog, resonated so strongly that I felt almost lightheaded!

    I still struggle off and on with the thinking … “is it REALLY abuse? … he ONLY said this or did that … not really SO bad as others deal with at all. What a wimp I am!”

    But this post allows no wiggle room for that kind of thinking, backed up with the quote from Ephesians. I’m writing this one down in the journal to read every time I say to myself … “is this really abuse?” Because it is, with a resounding YES.

  4. Juju

    I have some confusion and don’t know where topost this. I was at church and they talked about conflict with relationships. They did the “confront the person privately”, then bring two witnesses to a second confrontation, and finally the church discipline situation. Does this apply to an abusive marriage situation? I have not done the two people or church discipline thing because I dont want the emotional backlash from it. I also find that even IF my dreams came true and he changed everything (he HAS stopped the outright criticism of how I do everything now, but there is still so much to change), I dont know if I could fall in love wih him again. Maybe I could. But there is a big part of me balking at doing this. Couple that with the fact that he has a personality disorder, so some thigs will never change most likely, and he is NOT a Believer. I want to be obedient to God, but I want to get out. He is not as abusive as a lot of these guys and he goes for long periods without anything happening,or at least nothig major. But there are certain lines that if they are crossed there will be guilt trips, passive aggressive stuff, etc.

    • This post explains how Matthew 18 has very limited application to domestic abuse, and the text that best applies is 1 Corinthians 5:11-13.
      https://cryingoutforjustice.com/2013/10/04/church-discipline-and-church-permission-for-divorce-how-my-mind-has-changed/

      I also suggest you put Matthew 18 into the search bar of this blog, as we have many more posts on Matthew 18.

      • Juju

        In the sermon I listened to, he felt that all grievances in personal relationships should be addressed this way, so it wasnt exclusie to marriage and abuse or for “permission” to get a divorce.

        Thanks for the link and tip, Barbara!

      • It is NOT right claim that Matthew 18:15-17 applies to ALL grievances in personal relationships.

        Clearly the Bible gives other guidance as well as those verses. Fleeing from persecution is advised many times in the Bible; Jesus himself advised his disciples to ‘shake the dust off their feet’ in some circumstances. And Jesus and many of his apostles and disciples fled from evildoers at times, and they sometimes CONFRONTED them very firmly in public, calling them hypocrites, liars, children of the devil, etc.

        In my book I discuss many of the scripture texts which tell believers to (a) flee from persecution, (b) expose and rebuke evildoers, and (c) avoid the wicked and ungodly — have nothing to do with them.

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