Thursday Thought — He’s just insecure.
We often hear statements like this about abusers: “Well, you know, he grew up in an abusive environment” or “He is insecure, so you just need to love him more and be patient.” These statements and similar statements can come from friends, family members, church leaders, victims, authors, and even professional counselors. The beliefs behind such statements are very common, but are they true?
Dr. George Simon cautions us about assuming why abusers abuse:
Traditional theories on personality development have always presumed that disturbed individuals, who need to control and have power over others, have deep-seated feelings of inferiority or their behavior is a reaction to being themselves severely abused or demeaned as children. While it sometimes turns out that such things may be factors, there is no evidence to suggest that all such personalities have such characteristics in their background; although many will lie about it to engender the sympathy of others. Rather, it seems that the majority of these individuals simply consider themselves as superior to those whom they perceived as weak and take particular delight in controlling others.
[from Dr. Simon’s book, How Did We End Up Here?: Surviving and Thriving in a Character-Disordered World* p94