A Cry For Justice

Awakening the Evangelical Church to Domestic Violence and Abuse in its Midst

Truth Torments the Wicked: Insight into an Abuser’s Mind and the Real Nature of His Tears

The Son of Man will send his angels, and they will gather out of his kingdom all causes of sin and all law-breakers, and throw them into the fiery furnace. In that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. (Matthew 13:41-42)

…and in Hades, being in torment, he lifted up his eyes and saw Abraham far off and Lazarus at his side. And he called out, “Father Abraham, have mercy on me, and send Lazarus to dip the end of his finger in water and cool my tongue, for I am in anguish in this flame.” (Luke 16:23-24)

For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, that he might bring us to God, being put to death in the flesh but made alive in the spirit, in which he went and proclaimed to the spirits in prison, because they formerly did not obey, when God’s patience waited in the days of Noah, while the ark was being prepared, in which a few, that is, eight persons, were brought safely through water. (1 Peter 3:18-20)

Two things have kept me awake tonight, so I gave up, got up, and decided I had better write about them. Both pertain to the title of this article: Truth Torments the Wicked. Let me explain.

A friend, an abuse survivor, told me that her abuser had contacted her after she left him and said something like this: “I am crying my eyes out. I would not wish this on anyone!” Now, understand. This man has done many very cruel things to this lady. This “Christian” man has done evils I wish I could tell you about, but for her protection I will not give details. He is “crying his eyes out” because she has called him on his wickedness, left him, and is done with him. NOT because of the many cruel things he has regularly done to her, but because HE is in this torment. And, of course, his statement is a covert accusation against her. Can we complete his sentence? Yes we can – “And it is all your fault. You are so cruel to put me through this pain.”

The second thing that has kept me from sleeping tonight is what the Apostle Peter said in a rather mysterious Scripture he wrote in his first letter, 1 Peter 3:18-20, quoted above— “He [Jesus} went and proclaimed to the spirits in prison because they formerly did not obey.” Strange, huh? Let me suggest a principle derived from this passage and which, I believe, is supported elsewhere in Scripture –

The real torment that the wicked will experience in eternity, in that ‘outer darkness,’ is most certainly not any kind of repentance or authentic sorrow over their evils, specifically their wickedness of rejecting Christ. No. Their torment originates largely (if not primarily) in Christ’s exposure of their true nature, of their evils, and of the fact that He is indeed the Son of God who gave them many, many opportunities to repent of their sin and submit to Him. But they would not. They refused to ‘kiss the Son’ and His wrath was kindled (Psalm 2)

Like our poor, pathetic, pitiful abuser whining that he is crying his eyes out and that his pain and suffering are just unbearable, the wicked in hell wail and howl. But certainly not out of repentance or some kind of regret for their sins. Their crocodile tears are shed because Jesus is Lord, and they are not.  That rich man who had ignored the suffering of Lazarus, did he cry out in Hades because he was so distraught that he’d not been compassionate to Lazarus? No. The rich man’s crying was all about him. HE was in torment. And if his brothers end up in the same spot as he, well, it was because Christ did not warn them or provide them adequate proof of the truth of His Word. Christ, in truth, would rise from the dead and they still would not have Him as Lord.

My friend’s abuser was not suffering because of the torments of his conscience, but simply because the truth had come out, he was exposed, and now it is time to pay the consequences.

I have no doubt that this very mentality, this hatred of Christ and His truth, is energized by the hatred of light by the darkness.

And this, I believe, is why Christ (after He was crucified and before He rose again) went in spirit to these wicked ones in their prison. To proclaim to them His glory. To preach to them that He is Lord, that He offered them salvation in the ark in their day, but they wickedly spurned Him and mocked His servant Noah. They are tormented, you see, by truth. 

For the most part we here at ACFJ and most all of you, our readers, deal with wicked people who claim to be Christians. These are people who have been exposed to the truth of the gospel over and over and over again. They sit in church or parade themselves as eminent saints, week after week. They hear of their need to repent and get into the ark, but they will not. They have tasted of the kindness of the Lord, but in the end they hold the Son of God up for crucifixion and mocking –

For it is impossible, in the case of those who have once been enlightened, who have tasted the heavenly gift, and have shared in the Holy Spirit, and have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the powers of the age to come, and then have fallen away, to restore them again to repentance, since they are crucifying once again the Son of God to their own harm and holding him up to contempt. (Hebrews 6:4-6)

Do not pity them. Do not be drawn in by their tears and wailings. This is not repentance. It is all about them. These are the tears of rage against truth, against the exposure of their evils, against the Lord Jesus Christ as King of kings. I suppose you might say that their hell is of their own making.

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Further Reading

Crocodile Tears

Nor Shall Your Eye Pity Him

Christians Need to Get “Pity” Right and Stop Pitying the Wicked While Refusing Pity to the Innocent

Demons Thrash When They are Exposed – And so do Abusers

Do not Pity the Wicked: Abusers Use Pity as a Snare

 

 

 

34 Comments

  1. “Their crocodile tears are shed because Jesus is Lord, and they are not.” I’m afraid there will be some celebrity pastors joining them in this lament. Thank you for some excellent midnight thoughts.

  2. Amy

    My ex would cry his eyes out in the beginning after he walked out on me and our kids, trying so hard to make me see how hard it was on him that I refused to let him back into my life. Yet, the moment I didn’t buy into his tears and stood firm in not going back to that abusive marriage, his tears stopped and he began clenching his jaw in anger and trying to proclaim me to be an ungodly wife to all in our former church who would listen. And unfortunately there were those who took pity on him, for how sad that he was sorry and yet his wife would not forgive and forget and reconcile with him.

    Me, I used to feel sorry for him, for a long time. Now, I feel absolutely nothing for him and am grateful every day how God gave me the strength and courage to stand against his evil and leave. My life has been redeemed in ways I never ever thought possible while my ex lives a pretty sad life.

    • Jeff Crippen

      The fake tears, the pitiful expressions are incredibly evil. Most people fall for it. We have been the target many times of the wrath of the abuser’s allies. “I just talked with Jack and he told me how terribly mean you were to him. I am leaving this church with Jack and we are never coming back. You need to repent.” Jack of course had committed ongoing wickedness and deception for many years and we finally understood what he was doing and called him on it. Poor Jack.

  3. Moving Forward

    My abuser did the same thing – all tears and had to take a stress leave. But when I wouldn’t go back his emails exuded pure hatred and evil (what happened to all that love he just proclaimed he had for me a week ago?). The gig was up, the claws came out, and the truth I told of his abuse revealed who he was in truth, a child of the devil. However, he is perfectly able to keep that mask on for others, for whom the tears and stress were and are totally convincing.

    • Jeff Crippen

      That little word “no” spoken to the wicked usually brings out what they really are.

    • Amy

      My ex did the same thing! After he left I told him the only communication I would have with him was through email and the minute I didn’t buy into his pitiful tears he would send the nastiest emails to me about what an ungodly wife I was and how I never contributed more than 2% to our family of the years, etc etc. I once printed one of those emails out and gave it to the men’s group of the church we attended at that time. At the beginning most of the men were horrified to see the things he wrote to me, but in the end only a handful really saw my ex for who he truly was and the others stood by him.
      I was the one told to forgive and reconcile, while he was surrounded with sorrowful pats on the back for what his ungodly wife was doing to him. 😦

      • Lily

        Mine was too smart to send nasty emails. He just kept trying to call and then whined to the kids and anyone else who would listen, that I wouldn’t talk to him, and how would I know he changed if I didn’t talk to him? And the kids were aghast at how disrespectful I am. Of course he implied that I wouldn’t communicate at all, he didn’t tell them he could email all he wanted. But that would leave a record, right? I love that, “They cry because He is God and they are not.” I must remember that.

    • Michelle

      That’s my exact story

  4. Daffodil

    Wow, yesterday it was the LORD directing me to the story of David and Absalom, and today this. My abuser ex is upset that I answered the questionnaires from the Diocese in response to his petitions to “annul” our 37-year marriage, and I couldn’t help thinking, “If your cause is right, then the truth is your friend.” I know why he’s afraid of the truth. Three years into this, he told me last week that he didn’t want me to respond in the first petition. Good grief! “The god of this world” has blinded his mind, for sure. Thank you, Jeff, for writing this powerful truth.

  5. Lisa

    Wonderful post .

    There’s a female celebrity who won a large monetary award against her larger than life celebrity actor husband in a recent domestic abuse divorce case. The speculation in the press essentially wrought a full on assault of her character . When she won the multi-million dollar award she donated the entire amount to an agency which protects victims of domestic violence. People still seemed to be inclined to disbelieve her claims of abuse and her motive for divorce.

    Well…. I did a search on her husband’s history because he’s such a HUGE actor and because it’s crystal clear that he’s been involved in a TON of nefarious activity . A psychologist even wrote a book on Amazon which is a complete diagnostic evaluation of his personality based on the actor’s own quoted testimonies which is available for anyone to view in all his older celebrity interviews on youtube. This is more than a smoking gun! It’s pretty conclusive that the abuse claims were completely true. But much of the public WILL NOT accept the truth because they idolize the famous actor and because he possesses a public image of a likeable, boyish mild mannered guy from his youth. But even now that his exterior image has betrayed that illusion….people still are convinced of his goodness. And they seem hell bent on believing the victim was lying.

    I’m just now reading Dr George Simon Jr’s book “In Sheep’s Clothing, understanding and dealing with manipulative people”. It’s considered one of the best books on the market in terms of exposing all the arsenal of tricks these evil individuals use and offers concrete ways of dealing with them.

    God Bless……

  6. Anonymous

    My ex abuser could have won an academy award for his tears – his acting was that good! Initially I would buy into it – especially when he would threaten suicide if I left him. But once I realized I was being played for a fool, and his evil did not stop, and he knew I was on to him, his strategy did not change – it was redirected; he chose a new audience. Once his son came to the house and was given a flawless performance. After the shedding of ‘tears’, and crying how much he loved me, and how badly I hurt him (abuser), his son drank the kool-aid. Performance over; curtain closed; son leaves; no more tears; EVIL continues behind closed doors in that insane house!

    • sheisovercoming

      Wow! Same story here.

  7. Tess

    My abusive friend weeps copious tears in front of the church and the leaders…..I can cope with this “crocodile” drama now when she tries it on with me but others in the church who are oblivious to the manipulation, are treating me as a trouble maker…..Someone who must be treating out ‘lovely’ sister very cruelly…….It is sad….It is pathetic……As a Christian I have tried to cover up the damage being done to me…..Only confiding in the leadership who take her side….as her acting is excellent!!! She plays the victim amazingly well……Even I feel sorry for her at times…..It’s difficult not to be sucked back into the abusive situation….One feels so cruel…I am finding this lesson very hard and keep falling for it over and over…As Joe says, deliverance is a long process!

    • Anonymous

      When I first separated and went no contact it was hard to not take his calls, and of course more tears and drama accompanied each contact. Long story short…I did get sucked back in. I returned to him (out of state) after many months of separation and after 5 weeks with him, I literally needed to be rescued by a family member. He was the same evil person I left initially and had even more anger, because people were now ‘on to him’ and that of course was my fault and his rage, therefore, once again, came down upon me.

      I went through a period where I did feel sorry for him but only to the degree, that he CHOSE (and still does) evil over good. He is completely self-deceived, and still deceiving others.

      • Anonymous

        AND, so as to not feel sorry and get sucked in, it helps me to remember the words of our dear Lord Jesus: “Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them” ( Ephesians 5:11). Being held in the grip of an evil person, thereby allowing them to abuse us, I have NO doubt brings great sorrow to our Father, and particularly after we have been warned throughout Scripture. Being obedient to Him, gives me the assurance I am following the right course of action, even the things I don’t fully understand.

  8. KayE

    My abusive ex almost never cried any tears at all. There’s nothing unusual about that in my part of the world— it’s often frowned on for men to show “soft” emotions. But what was unusual were the rare occasions when he decided that crying might get him what he wanted, so he faked it. Although most of his deceptions were convincing, he never got this one right and it always looked completely fake. It was disturbing and scary because he was revealing his actual total lack of empathy.I can’t imagine him ever being sorrowful for anything he’s done. Nothing is ever, ever his fault, and that extends to his whole life. He will for ever be raging against other people for how they’ve treated him unfairly.

    He takes on the persona of a sincere, good, honest and generous Christian. But it’s only a persona, I know this for certain. He says all the right words in a Christian setting and gets threatening if challenged. But one day I did get bold enough to ask him what he thought being a Christian was about, and what “sin” actually meant to him. He replied that he had made some mistakes and said sorry to God so he was forgiven, and that’s what made him a Christian. When I pressed him on whether by “mistakes” he meant realising his sinful nature, he said no, he meant mistakes and he thought his mistakes had only ever been small ones.

    His misunderstanding of sin and incomprehension about true repentance has gone unrecognised by the so called church leaders, who have for decades sent him on mission trips, made him an elder and put him in positions of responsibility. Why has this happened? I can only conclude that these church leaders have also never experienced true repentance. Their “God” is different from the God of the bible.

    When I think about abusers in the church, I think of rodents. When you find a mouse or a rat in your house, there’s never only one.

    • Lily

      I’ve been writing on another site about the importance of repentance. Apparently I was being ‘read’ by h, and he said, “You keep talking about repentance. If we need to repent, then salvation isn’t free, then we have to do something, but grace is free.” I think the American church has done us all a huge disfavour in not requiring repentance, only a little prayer ‘to get to heaven’.

  9. standsfortruth

    Yes, Lock your doors and batton your hatches…
    Hell hath no fury like an abuser who has been finally figured out by their target.
    Mine faked mutiple sucide threats, heart attacks, also faked his back being thrown out, Also followed eas mutiple pity parties and depression acts in front of family, allies and friends pastors and church goers..

    And when this did not produce the reconciling results he wanted from me, he stole a car title out of my purse and vehemently denied doing so.. Until finally a couple months later he admitted it with satisfaction in his face in an argument we had.

    When I finally got it back, I changed the lock on my vehicle doors, and added a dead bolt to a private room door which I secured as my room.

    That did not stop him from trying to climb through the window to rifle through my stuff, or try different keys in the door trying to get it while he thought I was away..

    So then in a moment of retaliation he takes all the $ from our joint bank account and at the same time decides to quit paying the mortgage.
    * His Strategy was to ruin my credit by not paying the mortgage so that in a few months my card companies would cut me off. So I would not be able to hire a lawyer to defend myself when he planned to file on me..
    All along he was saying that his business had slowed down and he wasent making any money. A lie to cover up the truth.

    So do your homework ahead of time and secure all necessary property and paperwork to prove and protect yourself and keep in a safe locked area. (marriage document, birth certificates, proof of income , at least a couple years, current income, and anything else you want to make sure he does not try to lie about. )

    Treasured animals that belong to you need to find private safe homes months before the divorce is filed to keep the abuser from vindictively trying to sell them for assets to split the profit on later.

    You can make this easier for yourself just by proactively planning for it ahead of time,- knowing if you don’t quietly get the jump on it, the abuser will..

    • When I think about abusers in the church, I think of rodents. When you find a mouse or a rat in your house, there’s never only one.

      ^ nailed it

    • Amy

      My then-husband who had walked out on me tried faking a heart attack too. He begged me to take him to a cardiologist because he had no one else, so I did. He tried to act all loving towards me in the waiting room and when the nurse came to take him back to an exam room he lovingly asked if I wanted to come in…I simply said, “no.” And I”m sure I looked like a smuck to that nurse but I didn’t care.

      When the doctor came out later to talk to me, he couldn’t find anything really wrong and suspected it was anxiety. I explained quietly, yet firmly the situation of him having left our home after years of abuse and the doctor nodded saying my ex had told him we were separated to which I replied, “HE left his family”. The doctor really was very sympathetic towards me and I could tell he had not bought into my ex’s game. They still had to admit my ex to the hospital overnight for observation.

      Crazy the games they play. My ex had the title to my car after we finally divorced and after we sold our house I was able to pay off the car and needed the title from him signed. He supposedly didn’t know where to sign the title and had to hold on to it through the weekend so on a Monday he could go to a bank to get help with it. o.O Yeah right!! We had sold several cars privately while married so it’s not like he really didn’t know where to sign or couldn’t read the directions. Geesh!

      • MaxGrace

        My ex husband abuser also faked a heart attack when I first left him, except that he went to the hospital and had them call me (he figured out where I was), because I needed to come in. I didn’t go. He went home. He didn’t have a heart attack. It’s amazing to see the excessive things abusers do to lure in and control. Their claim is that they are the victims. Good word, Pastor Jeff. So thankful you couldn’t sleep, but got up to write about this.

        This makes me tremble when I realize that we become sentimental when we see someone in tears, yet we don’t realize this is not repentance, but rather tears of self pity, which I’ve been told align with self worship.

        We (I) have trouble with seeing things or people rather, as “evil.” Don’t want to face that reality, and someone is sure to say, “don’t judge”. I do want to judge righteously and with discernment, and this article is so helpful – seeing things I don’t really want to see. It’s so much easier to bury your head in the sand and not face these things.

        These articles are always so helpful for me. Thank you.

  10. StandsWithAFist

    Thank you Ps. Jeff for shedding light on why Jesus visited spirits in prison. It makes so much sense!
    The abuser’s tears are ALWAYS & ONLY for themselves, never in remorse or repentance, even when they are given the chance.
    They remain forever angry that HE is Lord & they are not.
    They are eternal blasphemers:

    They blasphemed the God of heaven because of their sufferings and because of their sores, but nevertheless they still refused to repent of their deeds. ~ Revelation 16:11

    • Thank you Ps. Jeff for shedding light on why Jesus visited spirits in prison. It makes so much sense!

      I second that!

      • Anonymous

        Well here’s a third that!

      • MaxGrace

        YESS! Jesus visiting spirits in prison is stunning in its depth and significant in its grasp of spiritual reality. wow. Another beautiful scripture opens like a flower like I have never seen it before. Another thanks.

  11. sheisovercoming

    My abuser did the same. And so many around him fell for it! His pastor, counselor, our bible study teacher, family. But, they were tears of rage and anger, never of repentance. Thank you for writing this so clearly. It will be helpful to many when their abuser pulls this one out of his hat.

  12. healinginhim

    My friend’s abuser was not suffering because of the torments of his conscience, but simply because the truth had come out, he was exposed, and now it is time to pay the consequences.

    Even with having to pay the consequences the years have proven that ‘he’ is now hardened and couldn’t care less about being my husband… just don’t break ‘him’ financially his main concern. Yes, they were definitely crocodile tears.
    Thank you for this post and the many excellent comments speaking truth.

  13. Joy

    Thank you so much for shedding light on this. What you have described is incredibly accurate, but the church is regularly deceived by the abuser’s victim stance, tears, and charm. Even though it is extremely difficult for a victim to leave an abuser (and years of hoping), she is perceived as harsh for walking away from the evil, even though God is clear about not being ensnared with evil. It is heartbreaking that abusers usually move on to new church communities to prey on their sheep and no one is warned. The new community does not suspect their true nature because abusers are so cunning and crafty at managing their images. I pray earnestly for wisdom and discerning of spirits in our churches. Again, thank you for the courage to be a voice in the church against domestic abuse, especially since there is a tendency to shoot the messenger on this issue.

  14. BreatheAgain

    About 2 years ago my h., who was out of our house at the time, called a ‘family meeting.’ He wanted our teenage and adult children to tell him what he had done wrong to them as they were growing up. I had told him for years that he had anger problems, was too hard on them, etc and he never believed me. Long story short, they told him how he had hurt them for years….and he cried. About 2 weeks later as we had an argument, I reminded him of what the kids had said and how upset he’d been. He said “it wasn’t that bad” and basically discounted what the kids had shared with him about his past behavior. It blew my mind. I had suspected his tears that night had been all about him, and it had worked….the kids had ended up comforting him when he was crying that he’s been such a bad dad to them. Ugh.

    • Anonymous

      ““it wasn’t that bad””

      This is why these people are so dangerous. Until the majority of the population understands that people with little or no empathy NEVER perceive that their most heinous or even their “simple” actions are damaging to others, we can never hope to keep people from being harmed by them. The truth of the matter is that when they dump their typical abuse on someone and that someone fails to react in the way the abuser desires them to (how they’ve reacted in the past with either fear, anger, prayer for the abuser, working harder to try to prove themselves to the abuser, etc. etc.) the abuser then REALLY BELIEVES that the victim is not showing proper respect / worship toward them which means the victim “asked for it” or “should have known what to expect” or “deserved it.”

      I have been “blessed” with an untold number of psychopaths in my life. Because of this, and because I’m older, I have seen many lifetimes and the effects of these people on themselves and each other. They NEVER change or grow or mature and they NEVER care about anyone but themselves although they often have groupies or other people who don’t have a conscience as allies. They may stop drinking or drugging or sleeping around but if you spend any amount of time with them you will see that they are still the same in their mind and heart. As they get closer to the end of their lives it is, “Woe is me! My health is ruined and no one cares!” Or, “I try so hard but everybody believes my ex!” Or they pretend to have “seen the light” in order to have uninformed Christians or those pretending to be Christians cater to them and this gives the abuser the right to AGAIN bad-mouth us…”My ex always said she / he was a Christian, but where are they now?” BOOOOO HOOOOO!

      My dad destroyed the family through his drinking and verbally abusive behavior. It’s almost cartoonish the way he acts but really, it’s typical of the religious families I grew up around. My dad was WAY better than most of the others in my town. So many physically abusive drunk dads with dozens of children living in fear and subjection which is why it took me so long to give him the “credit” and title he deserved. He’s a psychopath and so is my mother. And the stories they tell about their parents…framed up as loving behaviors…are now seen to be GLARING testimonies of evil.

      Many of my examples come from this religion but this is simply my life. As I look around and am honest with myself there is no culture that doesn’t contain a significant amount of these abusive people although some try to say that the eastern cultures or others are more kind to tender-hearted people. No. It is simply the end times and different cultures allow certain behaviors to “pass” as normal, and there are simply people without a conscience that have learned to operate within these systems. It’s not even hard for them to hide because many cultures cater to men and questioning their motives is not an option and there are any number of excuses to allow for evil behavior among the women as well. It’s the fewer and fewer of us who are tasked to carry the weight of this and when we break under this unbearable burden, we are then blamed for the breakdown (of the family, society. etc.) After all, “God hates divorce!” so we must stay married (put up with ALL the abuse) at all costs!

      True abusers don’t feel the pain of others–they have no empathy–and when we cry or have nervous breakdowns because of decades of abuse, in their mind it is our fault because we were stupid or weak or didn’t do enough for them etc. They do NOT feel pain on others behalf and they are always in torment of some kind because as the bible tells us they–due to the nature they chose for themselves–can never be satisfied and they also REFUSE to satisfy others. (It’s why they always withhold something from us……ALWAYS. 2 Timothy 3….”unable to please (placate) someone” http://biblehub.com/greek/786.htm.)

      The meaning of the word “psychopath” is “suffering souls.” But don’t be drawn in through thinking they are suffering because they are innocent victims. Not a bit. They are “suffering” just as their father the devil is suffering–because they can’t control everyone and they believe they are god and as such should be worshiped by ALL– constantly, unequivocally etc. Know your enemy.

  15. BreatheAgain

    Anonymous, you wrote “True abusers don’t feel the pain of others–they have no empathy–and when we cry or have nervous breakdowns because of decades of abuse, in their mind it is our fault because we were stupid or weak or didn’t do enough for them etc. ” WOW so very very true. I remember one time when I was in tears because he had hurt me through his usual verbal/emotional abuse, he actually scoffed and laughed at me.

    I can’t believe how long it took me to see that he does not care about my feelings. I thought with him being a “christian’ husband that he would care, and I could not understand why he acted the way he did. It takes so long to change our mindset even once our eyes have been opened to the true nature of the abuser’s behavior.

    I have come to see that even when he does something nice or generous for me there is an underlying motive. For a long time I’d feel guilty if I had such a thought, now I realize it is not an unkind thought but Wisdom, so I won’t be taken in by his tricks anymore.

  16. MaxGrace

    “It takes so long to change our mindset even once our eyes have been opened to the true nature of the abusers behavior.”
    That is true of the spouse who being abused, her friends and family, and our church family also. Else they couldn’t encourage one to stay.

  17. Headless Unicorn Guy

    Repentance and Remorse and True Sorrow (TM), turned on and off like a light switch.
    CLICK ON!
    CLICK OFF!
    CLICK ON!
    CLICK OFF!

    • note for readers who don’t know what (TM) stands for — it stands for Trade Mark.

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