A Cry For Justice

Awakening the Evangelical Church to Domestic Violence and Abuse in its Midst

ACFJ Does Not Recommend Lundy Bancroft’s Retreats or His New Peak Living Network

We do not enjoy making this announcement. We have recommended Lundy Bancroft’s materials and seminars for the entire time this blog has been in existence. We and probably most of our readers have greatly benefited from Lundy’s books and rather recently we even recommended one of his webinars to you. That has changed.

We have known from the beginning that Bancroft is not a Christian and that his worldview/philosophy/theology is certainly not something we would want anyone to embrace. We were criticized by one or two rather fanatic type people for endorsing someone who held to a theology like Bancroft does, but we decided to continue to recommend him and his materials on Domestic Abuse because they were so helpful to us and many others. And we still believe that, for example, his book Why Does He Do That? provides very, very good wisdom about abusers and serves as a great help to their victims.

We do not believe there is anything dangerous in Lundy’s writings where he discusses the dynamics of domestic abuse. Our concerns are about the ‘healing retreats’ that he offers. And now he is starting what he calls his Peak Living Network. We do not recommend anyone attend those retreats or become involved in his new ventures into “Peak Living.”

We realize that this is a rather surprising announcement for you all to hear from us and we take no joy in having to make it. However, it is one thing for Bancroft to write about the mentality and tactics of abusers and the effects abuse has on victims, and it is quite another thing for him to start teaching and counseling victims regarding how to enjoy “Peak Living” in their lives. Bancroft will necessarily approach the latter in a Christless, worldly way that embraces philosophies and teachings that are contrary to the Word of God. His new book, for instance, The Joyous Path to Emotional Healing, would be just such an example.

Launching of his mutual support and healing network is described on his Facebook page. He says there:

I’m finally the launching the mutual support and healing network that I’ve been talking about for years.

It’s called the Peak Living Network.

The Peak Living Network is open to everyone who wants to offer and receive support for emotional healing. The glue that binds us together is people’s agreement to follow the PLN Statement of Principles. As long as you feel that you can commit to those principles, you’re part of the network. PLN will offer a growing number of activities as time goes by, but we will begin by:

1) forming free local drop-in support groups
2) forming healing partnerships where we meet up in pairs to split
time, also known as “co-counseling” or “doing a support session.”

The calls will last about an hour. In the calls I will explain how to start a local network, then answer people’s questions and offer support to get you started.
Here are the steps to participating:
1) Read the materials at the Peak Living Network website (except the piece under the “Readings” tab, which is optional) PeakLivingNetwork.wordpress.com
2) Decide that you’re interested in working on building a local network
3) Send an email to PeakLivingNetwork@protonmail.com, asking to register for the conference call and saying which call you’d like to join
After you do step three, you’ll receive an email response giving you the dial-in information for the call.
Please send any questions to
Warm wishes to all,

Can you see the inherent dangers here? How do you form “healing partnerships” who “meet up in pairs” to do co-counseling without exposing people to the ever present danger of abusers or abusers’ allies or just plain totally unqualified people hooking up with an abuse victim? In addition, the entire network will be based upon Bancroft’s own ideas of what life’s “Peak Living” should be.

Do not utilize Peak Living as a resource for yourself, and do not look to Bancroft to lead you to the Way, the Truth, and the Life that is only to be found in Jesus Christ. He won’t do it. He cannot do it.



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  1. LSE

    Appreciate the heads up.

  2. anonymous

    “What you draw them with is what you draw them to” said Dr. James Montgomery Boice as megachurches were coming in to existence at a fast pace, and due to popular demand and participation and as a result, we become a ship of fools. Everyone wants to FEEL GOOD. And so going to worship the true living God, the Lord Jesus Christ, gets replaced by worship of SELF! How pathetic. We were all created to worship, but our worship runs amok, and we pour out our praise and affection before false gods. Meanwhile, we all too often go through the motions of worship but Who really can RESTORE and Who really deserves to be worshiped? Those of us who walk with the Lord know, WE KNOW, there is only One who can and will restore.

    Surviving and overcoming abuse and evil, bringing back real joy and hope for a future, deprogramming our minds from the rotten-to-the-core-filth and lies that was poured in to it from the abuser, and being made whole and complete again will never come from anything or anyone other than the power of the Holy Spirit indwelling us. And I am pretty certain the Holy Spirit will NEVER take a back row seat to a ‘healing retreat’ offered by a mere mortal.

    Mr. Bancroft’s book Why Does He Do That is still on my bookshelf, because I have experienced much of the EVIL of which he speaks, and there’s much wisdom to be gleaned from his experience and interaction with the abusers, but beyond that, Mr. Bancroft clearly demonstrates that he believes his worldview/philosophy/theology is the answer to our emotional healing. It’s a lie; don’t believe it!

    Go back again and listen to Liam Goligher’s sermon Going Back To Egypt. He speaks about when you’re in a crisis, when you need help, when all else fails, come to ME, I will help.

    Pastor Crippen, thank you once again for doing the hard stuff, the tough stuff, the unpopular stuff, the stuff no one else wants to deliver – the truth! Going down the rabbit hole of ‘healing partnerships’ and ‘peak living’ should sound alarm bells for all of us, particularly those of us who have already been duped, and greatly harmed.

    Alarm bells are sounding once again. May they NOT fall on deaf ears.

    • healinginhim

      Thank you for the reference to Liam Goligher’s “Going Back To Egypt”.
      Grateful for Pastor Crippen and Sam Powell’s ministering of the Word and encouragement to keep our hope in God amidst the many trials.

    • TWBTC deserves thanks as well. It was her diligence and attentiveness that led to her giving Jeff and me a head-up about Lundy’s Peak Living Network.

      • healinginhim

        The ACFJ teamwork is remarkable. I am amazed at the attention to details given in the research and posting of articles. And even with your busy schedules you still manage to reply to certain requests.
        THANK YOU to everyone and praying for the future of this ministry.

  3. healinginhim

    So very thankful for your diligence in speaking the Truth. I receive notifications from Lundy’s ministry and have been very guarded as to where he is headed with ‘his desire’ to help others.

  4. Sasanka

    Pastor Jeff and Barb, thank you for the fair warning and your faithfulness, as always.

  5. Cynthia

    I appreciate your ongoing vigilence for the safety of DV victims. How have you reached out to Lundy with your concerns?

    Thank you

    • No we have not ‘reached out to Lundy with our concerns’. Why should we? He is not a fellow Christian; we have no duty towards him the way we have a duty of care for those who are genuinely members of Christ’s body. Lundy is following a very un-Christian path. Would he be likely to listen to our warnings and admonishments? Nope.

      He didn’t even respond to my concern about the eastern-religious figurine which was shown on one of his recent Webinars. He seemed to utterly ignore that concern I raised when I gave the feedback that the figurine triggered me and made it quite hard for me to follow what he was saying in that particular Webinar.

      Your question seems to me a bit Pollyanna-ish, if you don’t mind me saying so.

      • MoodyMom

        I don’t understand. You say Cynthia’s question sounds “a bit Pollyanna-ish.” And the Anonymous’s comment that follows is pretty harsh, almost smacking of accusations of “suspicion” and “disloyalty” to ACFJ, its staff, and its causes. But I was asking myself the same question Cynthia had.

        Why does Cynthia’s question call into question her appreciation of ACFJ?

        If Lundy has produced great work in the past that you-as-a-site respect, use, and recommend; and recently he’s going off the rails, veering sharply away from his original insights, why is it bad or Pollyanna-ish to ask him, “Hey, what’s going on here?”

        I assume from his writings he’s not abusive. Clearly, he’s lost and needs Christ. But he’s not a wicked, hardened reprobate; so raising concern makes sense to me.

        I’m not saying confront his theology, because that would be pointless. His theology is clear. You’re not reaching out to a stumbling brother, clearly. And like you pointed out, he would be unlikely to listen to warnings and admonishments about his theology.

        But even when not dealing with a Christian brother, but simply someone you respect in the secular world, e.g. a boss you like who has led well in the past, or a blogger who has always been sound and solid and insightful – and suddenly this person veers off course and says, “Now we’re going to do something completely different. We’re going to start New Age-y religious stuff around here as policy,” wouldn’t your instinct be to at least ask, “Hey (person), why the change?”

        I appreciate ACFJ more than I have words for, so please don’t throw “suspicious” at me, too.

      • Hi MoodyMom, thanks for your question. The reason I said Cynthia’s question sounded a bit Pollyannaish is because in my experience the phrase ‘have you reached out to ___ with your concerns” is often used by Christians who are pretty naive about the mentality that wrongdoers often have. These rather naive types think that the way to deal with all sinners is to ‘reach out to them with our concerns’.

        Did you notice that we have two concerns about Lundy? We are concerned about his Peak Living Network. And we are concerned about his Healing Retreats.

        We are not able to go into detail about our concerns relating to his Healing Retreats; but believe me, they are serious.

        Lundy’s Peak Living Network is the latest iteration of him promoting pagan philosophy and the libertarianism that goes with that. If you google Lundy Bancroft you will find evidence that he has been promoting pagan philosophy for a long time. He hasn’t made this widely known to the readers of his DV materials, but he has held those pagan beliefs for ages. So we don’t believe there’s any point in asking him “Why the change?” — because he hasn’t changed his philosophy recently, he’s had that philosophy for ages.

        We have known for years that Lundy had a pagan philosophy. We only put our warning up when:
        a) we heard from a survivor about the potential danger of attending his Healing Retreats
        b) Lundy started his Peak Living Network recently and began promoting it to survivors of domestic abuse.
        And both those things happened quite close in time. So it made sense to us to warn our readers about them both, in one post.

    • Anonymous

      Your tone and your question in and of itself is suspicious to me, as to whether you really do appreciate the ongoing vigilance provided by those at A Cry For Justice.

      Barbara’s response was more kind than your question deserves.

      • MoodyMom

        Thanks, Barb, for your response. I had not realized that his pagan philosophy had been an ongoing issue.

        It’s so sad and disturbing that someone like Lundy – who has had so many years of experience with DV perpetrators, who has seen so much, who has amassed so much data and insight – could be so wrong in his conclusions. His conclusions of “everybody is basically good, some are just seriously misguided or hurting” completely contradict the evidence that he says that he has seen with his very own eyes.

        Oh boy, when those scales are on those eyes, they are thick! When a resolve is made to stand on the shifting sands of pagan philosophy, that resolve to make that philosophy work and to prop it up is defiant in the face of wave after wave of evidence! But the house does fall. People and groups like this one move away. Trust in the foundation is lost. What a loss.

        Sorry that I misunderstood.

      • No worries, MoodyMom. (no need to apologise 🙂 )

  6. Seeing Clearly

    Thank you for courageously speaking out. Your choice to do so is a reaffirmation that ACFJ seeks to identify unsafe resources and teachers. It continues to be a safe haven for those who are choosing to move forward, out of abuse. We are able to retool and learn healthy ways of living based upon truths of scripture and correct interpretations of passages that have been incorrectly used to manipulate and destroy victims of abuse.

  7. Anewanon

    I have been to one of Lundy’s seminars (not a healing one) held at, and held for, a large medical establishment that interfaces with abused women regularly. Agreed that he is very good in conveying to others (even though there were likely some abusers in the audience gleaning information for nefarious purposes) the need to be vigilant for signs of abuse and how to validate and help the victims seek safety and help.. Perhaps BECAUSE he is not overtly any particular “religion” he can with neutrality approach and open these kinds of doors in the medical world to his help.

    But truly bringing healing to a victim is a whole nother realm. It’s akin to the vast difference between a police officer and a therapist: identifying a crime is vastly different from effecting healing.

    In that seminar, I identified him as a spiritualist from the get go – his help would be limited to his books… as good as they are… But to this day, I do keep praying for his salvation.

    • In that seminar, I identified him as a spiritualist from the get go

      Well done, Anewanon! I think the Holy Spirit was giving you discernment. 🙂

  8. AKSDA

    Sounds a bit “new age-y” to me………….not solid ground at all!

  9. NG

    I appreciate your concern and warnings too – so many ‘recovery/support groups’ for abuse victims are filled with new agey feel-good pop psychology. That is what really bothers me, I see some Christian ministries posting stuff from totally secular ‘self help philosophy’ anti-narc sites. There are kernels of truths – of course there are *some* kernels of truth even in other religions, be it Shintoism, Buddhism, or any other ideology. …

    But there is only One who can give us solid ground under our feet, real purpose for our whole being, and a true peace that brings us to eternal life.

  10. GypsyAngel

    I have always felt uncomfortable about Mr. Bancroft’s offerings on healing. While I too agree that his books on abuse are spot on his methods towards healing leave God out of the mix and to my mind Leave Much to be desired. [References to other sources edited out by ACFJ] My issue comes in, concerning the issue that there is No One out there for real one on one counseling in the Christian sector if one is low income or as in my case no income. A sliding scale does no one any good if you are worried about where you are going to lay your head or get your next meal. This creates such a wide open door for satan to walk through. Thankfully, where Mr. Bancroft is concerned, he is in it for the money too, so those people will not be prey to his kind. I am heartened to hear that this blog has withdrawn its endorsement of Mr. Bancroft.

    • Lea

      I’m a little uncertain what his methods are (aside from the co support thing, which I’m not really sure about and yoga which I saw mentioned once) that are being criticized. Does anyone have specifics?

      • We’re not able to give more specifics about the methods used by Lundy in his ‘healing retreats’ and ‘peak living network’. But be assured we are very confident that we are doing right thing in warning people against participating in those things.

    • Memphis Rayne

      Lundy Bancroft’s books also served me well, and they are frowned upon by most Christian pastors. The church I went to kept refusing to see anything he said in his books as valid. They did however feel satisfied stuffing authors like Stormy Omartian down my throat. I will always support Lundy Bancroft’s books. They saved me from going though this alone. Maybe not “Christian” but solid truth about the mindset of the abuser, the kind of truth an isolated victim needs to have on her side.

      Also, I just do not agree with the churches stand on secular this, or non-secular that. I know this is a slippery slope. Truth is Truth. I am acutely aware that I am not a Seasoned Christian person like a lot of people on this blog (which I learn so much from) but I have witnessed a God who extends truth in many different kinds of people. None of which I have seen or found in a building called a church.

      Well, with the exception of Jeff, and you Barb…..
      But I will stand by my support for Lundy Bancroft [i.e. his books]. I however, personally am not a person who moves in packs. So I would never attend this kind of thing anyhow. Also yes I understand that even with a good intention, good intentions can be deadly.

      • In my observation, churches that woodenly reject all secular resources have very flawed doctrine in many areas. They usually refuse to see the flaws in their own doctrines even when someone respectfully points them out. They have faulty doctrines about who is a Christian, forgiveness, suffering, submission, gossip, divorce, the list goes on. They often say ‘the word abuse is not in the bible’ and thus dismiss the reports that abuse victims make.

  11. Raped By Evil

    You are handling this wisely and rightly. We are supposed to be aware of what’s going on around us and if things change for the worse, to forewarn others in order to keep them from harm as well.

    It is a tightrope walk–recommending resources that don’t ever claim to be Christian, but I can clearly see how all the resources that I’ve used to help me in my search for the truth, HAVE benefitted me simply because Jesus is in my heart and I gain wisdom. But once I realize that they are not at all Christian, I am very wary and careful and if it’s just way too much worldly (spiritual stuff that’s anti-Christian is usually the end all for me), I stop.

    Thank you again for being honest when you notice a change or something that needs to be highlighted.

    • Anonymous

      Raped by evil, you nailed it! Indeed we are to be aware of what is going on around us. Satan is crafty and demonic forces are subtle. If we are not paying attention and comparing everything to and lining it up with the word of God, we will be swept away in the undercurrent, exactly where Satan wants us.

  12. StandsWithAFist

    Cannot thank you enough for “testing the spirits”, so to speak.
    There is so much “noise” out there it’s hard to know sometimes, and I for one am very grateful for this post.

  13. One more caveat about Lundy. This caveat relates to his book Should I Stay or Should I Go? For some time now we’ve given a caveat about that book where we list it on our Resources. The caveat is as follows:

    We have had feedback on Should I Stay or Should I Go? from a survivor who was in the New Age and Spiritualism before she became Christian. She says the book contains some language and concepts that are reminiscent of New Age teachings. The problems seem to be confined to chapter eight. In that chapter there are visualization exercises, Gestalt type exercises involving referring to oneself in the third person or as two different people, references to ‘energy,’ ‘your best possible self,’ ‘living from your center,’ ‘being grounded,’ and ‘creating a Self-Nurturing Plan.’ So while the book has lots of insight into the questions and situations women battle with in abusive/unhealthy relationships, we suggest readers be discerning while reading it and not take on board or employ the elements of the book that are akin to New Age practices.

    • NG

      I’m not questioning the new age popularity of those concepts; however, they are not inherently wrong ime. Leslie Vernick and other Christian authors also use the same concepts – having one’s core personality and value system (and reacting out of them, versus just drifting according to whatever stimulus there is around me)
      So, I do not think something is dangerous just because a non-Christian writer/speaker mentions it: but as Christians, our connept of how to achieve those goals are different from the world. (apart from God and His Spirit, I can do no good thing)..

      • Hi NG, thanks for your comment. Here are my thoughts. I think those expressions come in on a spectrum.

        Visualization exercises, Gestalt type exercises involving referring to oneself in the third person or as two different people, and references to ‘energy’ are definitely New Age practices. I was deeply into the New Age before I was converted which is why I can say that with certainty. And while the term ‘energy’ can have many meanings, Lundy uses it along with visualization exercises so it seems pretty obvious that he’s using it in the New Age sense.

        ‘Living from ‘your best possible self’ is a little less concerning but it’s still a concern because, as you said, apart from God and His Spirit a Christian can do no good thing. And to become a Christian one must be born again. Regeneration is essential. An unregenerate person is dead in sin and has no way of ‘living from their best possible self’ — despite what they might think and despite all their good intentions.

        ‘Living from your center’ and ‘being grounded’ are a bit less concerning again. But as a Christian, what is my centre? That question calls us into the depths of doctrine: the substitutionary atonement, justification, adoption, sanctification, etc. And the question is probably better put like this: Who is my centre? I am in Christ; Christ lives in me. To say ‘my centre is Christ’ doesn’t sound like really biblical language. The Bible doesn’t use the term ‘centre’ when talking about this spiritual truth.

        So if a Christian author talks about ‘living from one’s center’ I suspect that the author has been unduly influenced by pop-psychology / New Age concepts. And I suspect that the author’s grasp of Christian doctrine leaves something to be desired.

        ‘Creating a Self-Nurturing Plan’ is perhaps a bit less concerning again. Those who have been abused by evildoers often find that in their journey of escaping and recovering from abuse, they do things like:
        — reduce how much they cater to the wicked
        — increase how much they attend to their personal health needs (physical health, mental health maintenance, spiritual health etc)
        — heed the promptings from the Holy Spirit (often felt as intuition or gut feelings)
        — stand up for their legitimate rights and needs as individuals created in the image of God.

        This often entails making a safety plan, implementing the safety plan, and adapting it as needed when the situation changes.

        Does this mean ‘creating a self-nurturing plan’? Sometimes it may, especially if one’s health needs are high priority. But the phrase ‘self-nurturing plan’ is one that has new-agey connotations because it could connote ignoring God. Self-love on its own is a dead end. The path that leads to life is repentance and faith in Christ, loving God, and honouring one’s own (and others’) legitimate needs as a creature made in God’s image.

        Sorry if that sounded too preachy, NG. You probably know this already. I just felt it was important to distinguish the extent to which those different expressions are more or less close to Christianity.

      • NG

        Thanks, Barbara.. No not preachy at all 🙂
        I agree that one can speak using the same words and expressions, but the meaning can be understood differently, depending on what is the underlying world view.

        Visualizing techniques and similar are definitely very new agey and pagan: so is speaking of ‘universal love’ (often seen in some pop self help sources)…

        As for boundary-setting and following one’s gut, as a self-nurturing plan, I believe those are healthy responses one can learn to follow, given to all humans by God (although of course our instincts and gut-feelings also are fallen and tainted by many things).

        ‘Core being’ is a concept I have seen Leslie Vernick to use in her writings, but of course her definition is one of a Christian – I don’t know if any/ many non-Christians follow her teachings, but she speaks clearly of our need for the Lord and that may be her venue to effectively preach the gospel to abused women.

        Again, thanks for being diligent and not recommending ’empty wells’ for thirsty seekers.

      • Lea

        “‘Creating a Self-Nurturing Plan’ is perhaps a bit less concerning again.”

        Ah, see I saw that I would have been thinking more of ‘Self-Care’ which is something that we talk about a lot in regards to taking care of yourself, getting exercise, eating good food, taking a bubble bath, etc.

        I haven’t heard self-nurturing so maybe that means something else. I think some of these terms are highly contextual. (for instance I use ‘energy’ all the time to refer to people’s personality types, which is maybe a borrowing of terms but not meaning, in that I don’t mean it in the same way as people who are talking about, say, reiki.)

  14. NG

    Just a quick note about secularization of the church and self-help psychology in general.
    I have seen during last years how people who have been hurt in the churches, or disappointed in their walk (after years of faithful service), turn to secular therapy and new agey paradigm in seeking solution for themselves and others. Someone who has seen the reality and power of God, answered prayers in the mission field, and also the reality of evil… has turned into a ‘professional’ clergyperson, talking in rounded and vague expressions of comfort. If the person used to speak about God, and His answers, now the talk is something like ‘Life will open up her wings for you’ etc..

    It is a huge difference to me. ‘Life’ is seen as this mystical force that carries us, while in reality, only God can carry us, help us, and give us answers… I cringe whenever someone says ‘oh, I trust Life will carry me’…

    So yes, it is extremely important that people are encouraged to place their trust in the Almighty God and His alone, NOT in some mystical ‘life force’…

    • Anotheranon

      NG, this reminds me of a time several years ago when a friend of mine told of how a woman left her church and said, “I follow Oprah now.”

      • anonymous

        When Oprah was a young girl in school she signed autographs quoting Scripture, saying, “Jesus bless you.”

        As she became more and more famous through her TV show she was actually shaping a medium – the TV and her audience. A guest came on her show and showed her the autographs she signed in school and asked, “Oprah, what happened to you?”

        So it appears the medium Oprah shaped to ‘success’, that medium end up shaping her.

      • Raped By Evil

        Anonymous, I’m wondering if she was quoting scripture when she signed with, “Jesus bless you,” or did she think that she was Jesus–that she had a right to that kind of authority?

        I’ve posted this before but many times throughout my marriage I’ve said aloud, “Thank you Lord Jesus!” I had no idea until years later that my husband thought I meant HIM when I’d said this. It was in the early years of God waking me up to the truth about my husband being without a conscience and my husband was in the process of destroying his career (he was cheating with a co-worker and had bullied the wrong people) and I was saying thank you out loud to Jesus when my husband said, “You say ‘Thank you Lord Jesus,’ but you do nothing to help me!” In his twisted mind, because I was praising God, he morphed it into somehow that “Jesus” (even though this is not his name) was HIM, because he thought he was god!

        Oprah displays MANY signs of this personality disorder, and has displayed them–if you go back and look–even at the beginning of her career.

  15. Linda

    I’m not opposed to secular counseling in general however there are red flags with this new “healing network,” For one, it appears to be based on “co-counseling” which has ties to Re-evaluation Counseling- **cult** that itself has ties to Scientology. (!!)

    Lundy Bancroft is making a huge move away from Domestic Violence advocacy and into a new age spiritual movement which will attract vulnerable, traumatized DV survivors.

    However, Mr. Bancroft does not appear to have mental health or counseling credentials. That is troubling and raised many ethics concerns. I also see that he counseled men, but ***how does that make him qualified to counsel women in trauma****? Is he married himself? How does he protect himself and the clients from temptation or inappropriate relationships?

    Does he have a board? Some form of accountability? Has he signed a code of ethics? I am very wary of guru and he is being set up to act as one.
    And my scientific side wonders? What evidence does this man have and what makes him an expert on emotional healing? Upon what research is this work based?

    MAJOR spiritual, relational, and professional concerns here. Thanks for the heads up!

    • Linda,

      Welcome to the blog! And thank you for your comment. Your observations are spot on! We have the same concerns.

      We like to encourage new commenters to read our New User’s Info page as it gives tips for staying safe when commenting on the blog.

      Again, Welcome!

    • KayE

      From what I’ve read on the website, Lundy Bancroft’s new book and healing network do fall clearly into a New Age way of thinking, which isn’t secular at all. I imagine that people of faiths other than Christian might also find that problematic. His books on domestic violence are mostly free of any particular spiritual philosophy though.

    • Thanks Linda!

  16. JesusmyJoy

    The discernment, wisdom, and commitment of the ACFJ ministry team to God, His Word, and the protection of abuse victims and others is so very appreciated. Thank you!

  17. Liz

    Thank you for this reminder that only in Jesus can we find true healing. This is my belief, but sometimes I feel like my Christian friends think I’m backsliding or being unforgiving because I want to see real change in my husband before I continue. I know so many people who would dismiss the teaching on this blog as too liberal and say it encourages people to be selfish rather than acting in Christian love. Personally I can’t see how making people stay in a situation where they are being abused is “love”! But it was good to see this confidence in the gospel laid out so clearly. Discernment is so important!

    • anonymous

      “Discernment is so important!” It becomes our lifeboat; and God gives us this lifeboat through discernment, to apply wisdom. Wanting to see REAL change, is applying wisdom.

      Our “friends” do not live with our abuser. Does it really matter what they think? Do we really need such ‘friends’?

    • Hi Liz, you are not backsliding or being unforgiving because you want to see real change in my husband before you continue. You are being quite Biblical. John the Baptist told the hypocritical Pharisees to show fruits of repentance. And he used very strong language to rebuke them and warn them of the wrath to come if they didn’t show fruits of repentance:

      Matthew 3:7-12 But when he saw many of the Pharisees and Sadducees coming for baptism, he said to them, “You brood of vipers, who warned you to flee from the wrath to come? Therefore bear fruit in keeping with repentance; and do not suppose that you can say to yourselves, ‘We have Abraham for our father’; for I say to you that from these stones God is able to raise up children to Abraham. The axe is already laid at the root of the trees; therefore every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire.

      “As for me, I baptize you with water for repentance, but He who is coming after me is mightier than I, and I am not fit to remove His sandals; He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire. His winnowing fork is in His hand, and He will thoroughly clear His threshing floor; and He will gather His wheat into the barn, but He will burn up the chaff with unquenchable fire.”

      There is nothing ‘liberal’ about that. The people who say our blog is liberal do not understand what liberalism is. Or they understand it but are just slandering our blog for being ‘liberal’ to dismissively put down the blog without examining what we are really saying. And they’re claiming we are ‘liberal’ to scare people away from our blog. But they are making a straw man argument because Jeff and I clearly reject liberal theology.

      • Liz

        Thank you both. What you have said there, Barbara, is what I believe, but when I have presented it to the pastor he replied that my husband isn’t a hypocrite because he wants to do what’s right but doesn’t know how. Even though I have spent years explaining why his behaviour hurts me, and we have had significant outside intervention. And even though my husband can use Google to find out strategies to help him in his job, but he somehow cannot do the same when it comes to our relationship.

  18. Here is a really concerning statement from Lundy’s Peak Living Network website. I found it on the About page of that site/

    We believe that there’s nothing wrong with any of us. We just need opportunities to heal emotionally and to step free of lies we’ve been told.

    If there’s nothing wrong with any of us, then the bible is garbage, original sin is a fiction, no person is born in sin, and no-one needs to ask forgiveness from God.

    More to the point, if there is nothing wrong with any of us, that includes abusers. So, according to what Lundy says at Peak Living, abusers just need opportunities to heal emotionally and step free of the lies they’ve been told.

    But according to what Lundy says in his book Why Does He Do That and in other places where he has taught about domestic abuse, men who abuse their female partners do not improve if you offer them emotional healing modalities and they are very resistant to changing their distorted beliefs. On Lundy’s recent webinar he said that abusive men need very firm and consistently confrontation and education — they do not need to focus on their own emotions, they need to be considerate of their partner’s emotions. And even when put in a group for abusive men where they are firmly confronted and educated, abusive men seldom change into non-abusive men.

    So Lundy has blatantly contradicted himself. And we have to ask why. Why is he changing his tune? Something smells very fishy here.

    • anonymous

      And there it is, right before our very eyes! Mr. Bancroft does not even leave us in a maze to try to stumble out of. BY HIS OWN CONTRADICTIONS, what he gives us with his left hand in Why Does He Do That, he takes away with his right hand with his belief system as outlined in his upcoming Peak Living Network.

      This should send us running to the Bible and its total infallibility. People accuse the Bible of having inconsistencies but not one person can point us to the evidence, because none exists.

      Dr. Boice said this when asked about absolute truth:

      Inerrancy is important in a postmodern culture, to provide the individual with a basis for absolute authority in doctrine and morals. Without absolutism, we are adrift in a sea of relativism and subjectivism. Without a trustworthy Scripture, there is only a mere potentiality of meaning actualized differently in differing circumstances. We are trapped in the present, our own historical circumstances, and cannot understand the past or have any certainty of the future. Truth lies in community and the voice of the Spirit – all subjective entities – wisps that appear for a moment promising much and delivering little.

      Evict the Christian faith and it will be replaced with something else. If the gospel is deveined [Eds are not sure what that word was meant to be] concerning the deity of Christ, then they have taken the gospel away from us. If they can attack Christ and make Him look like whom they want Him to look like, then they are taking away the ultimate authority, which, in my view, is the ultimate goal of New Age spirituality.

      So yes, why is Lundy changing his tune?

      Ephesians 4:14 warns us about such contradictions: “…so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes.”

  19. Here is another very concerning statement from the Principles page on Lundy’s Peak Living website.

    We assume that people are telling the truth about what has happened to them.

    So if an abuser comes to a Peak Living Group meeting and spins a bunch of lies, everyone else in the group is supposed to assume that that individual is telling the truth? What a recipe for disaster!

    And here’s another concerning statement:

    Destructive behavior patterns are signs of things that have gone wrong in a person’s life, and signs of a lack of opportunities to heal. As far as we know, no one is inherently bad, lazy, unintelligent, or selfish.

    So according to Peak Living guru Lundy Bancroft, if a person chooses to abuse others, it is sign that things that have gone wrong in that person’s life, and a sign that that person has lacked opportunities to heal. Ha. Won’t abusers love that! Abusers will flock to the Peak Living Network and predate on vulnerable people who are in the Network.

    Another statement from the Principles of the Peak Living Network:

    We gather for the purpose of supporting each other’s healing. It is not acceptable to attend PLN activities toward a goal of finding a dating or sexual partner, networking for your business, or any purpose other than the stated one.

    But Lundy has laid down the Principle that participants in the Network ought to take the default position of assuming that people in the Network are telling the truth. So all a predator needs to do is to say to the group, “I’m not attending PLN activities to find a dating or sexual partner!” and everyone else is supposed to believe that.

    I predict that in Lundy’s Peak Living Network, many many women will become victimised by abusive men. And I predict that there will also be abusive women in that Network, but the majority of the abusers in the Network will be men.

    And I think we can see a sign of this germinating already. Here is a screen shot from the Principles page of the website. It shows “likes” from other people who have WordPress accounts. The first “like” shows a photo of a man’s face. If this man is actually real and this is his real photo, he is a middle aged man. And I suggest you avoid having anything to do with him.

    When I clicked on his gravatar (i.e. the photo) it showed me that the gravatar is http://en.gravatar.com/benazeman

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