A Cry For Justice

Awakening the Evangelical Church to Domestic Violence and Abuse in its Midst

Coercive Control: a recommended three part series

We recommend this three part post series about Coercive Control at domesticshelters.org, with the following caveat:

We do not agree with the last sentence of Part 2 which says:

Abusive and controlling men are so dependent on their intimate partners, they often believe they will die without them.

Like Dr George Simon Jr, we think the core of abusive and controlling men’s mentality is not dependency, but an overblow sense of entitlement and malignant narcissism. When abusive men portray themselves as ‘dependent on their intimate partners,’ this is just one of their tactics of manipulation and emotional blackmail — the ‘poor me’ act designed to make us feel sorry for the abusive man and make allowances for him.

We are not necessarily endorsing all the material on the material at domesticshelters.org — but we have noticed a few other items on that site which we think would help our readers and we have added these items to our Resources. Here they are:

Can abusers change? 

The Deaf Endure Domestic Violence More Than Hearing

Will it happen again? 

3 Myths about survivors of domestic violence

 

1 Comment

  1. Finding Answers

    (Airbrushing….)

    I read all the linked articles – the three-part series, as well as the the four at the end of the original post.

    I found the article The Deaf Endure Domestic Violence More Than Hearing particularly interesting, having known a family with one deaf parent and the other parent hard of hearing. (Omitting some details for protection.) I can understand the extra fodder for abuse.

    Barb cited a quote from part 2 with which ACFJ does not agree.

    I had another problem with part 2 in the series:

    DS.org: What about when women control men?

    Fontes: Sometimes women use coercive control against their male partners, usually in situations where the man is disempowered because of a physical or psychological disability or because of his immigration status. The little research that exists on coercive control seems to show that when men are dominated in a relationship like this, they have an easier time leaving. We just don’t hear about men being held captive by their wives, or men being forced to wear certain clothes by their girlfriends—it rarely happens. Men may feel pushed around and unhappy in their relationships with women—but the degree of oppression is not the same.

    Perhaps I am influenced by the male victims / survivors I have read on the ACFJ blog – posters / writers / commenters. Perhaps, too, I need to remember ACFJ comes from a Christian perspective, where the article appears secular.

    I find the answer too general., even with the paucity of research acknowledged. The description of the coercively controlled male seems a bit too stereotypical.

    Coercive control is hard to pin down…..

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