Some biblical counselors deride the work we do – a story from one of our readers
My “biblical counselors” made me confess to all my “sins” (things I might have done to make him mad; things I might have done to “make” him abuse me)… out loud… to them… Then they smiled at me and asked if now didn’t I feel better.
But I was even more miserable! I wept and wept. They rubbed my back and said I should let it all out.
But I wasn’t crying for repentance sake. I was heartbroken over how they were repeating and piling on more abuse! Acting just like him! Telling me everything was all my fault! And then acting all nice and sweet when I was broken and bleeding inside but trying to crawl through their hoops.
Then they told me I had to make a list of church people who had re-
traumatized me (but not to include my counselors who were making me write the list!) after I finally asked for help. I had to name them all in front of the counselors and “chant” how I forgave each one. Sweet smiles. I could hear the meaning… “Good doggie! Good girl! Here’s a treat and a petting!”
My point is – when I found this blessed site, I tried to show them all what true wisdom looked like:
- There are real, very bad guys close by – not just “over there” or “out there” somewhere.
- They are in your church, right now.
- Not everyone who says he’s a Christian, not everyone who prays pretty prayers, not everyone who teaches Bible lessons, not every group leader, not every BFF of the pastors, not every pastor – is a true Christian. Bad guys lie.
- Real bad guys are really hurting and destroying your sisters, and brothers, in Christ, and their children. Right now.
- Christ cares about the wounded, not the wounders.
- God hates sin, yes. But He hates the reviler, the abuser, the defiant, the arrogant wolf who enjoys the destruction he brings; He does not hate His hurting child for the sins He’s already paid for.
- The church should be more interested in binding the wounds of the bleeding sheep who are crying in front of them, and not hunting down the derisively laughing wolf to try to make him a “trophy” of “grace.”
- The wolves must be thrown out of the flock as soon as they are revealed, and, if there’s cause, they must be handed over to the law for real consequences.
I gave them article after article. You have provided so much good information.
What happened next
They cast aspersions on the good work here. They derided the wisdom I had found. They sneered at the efforts to try to make them see. They complained about the “anger” you showed toward the abusers and their sin. And most of all, it was all done with a smile and a patronizing giggle as they set the articles aside.
The idea? Now that I’ve had my little tantrum, fueled by obviously “damaged, bitter” people on some “angry” blog I had wandered into — we could now get back to the business of “sloppy agape” forgiveness (without any signs of repentance), “confession”, “submission”, “reconciliation”, and packing me and my kids off to go back to be abused again.
So, thank you for your wisdom. Thank you for caring deeply about justice. Thank you for really, truly caring for the hurting. Thank you for the amazing clarity that I’ve found here, in spades! Thank you for your passion.
And honestly? Thank you for your anger! That seemingly small thing right there helped so much! Because up until I connected here… no one had ever even said that they felt bad for what had been done to us. They were all so much more interested in finding reasons to justify him or explain him or to make it seem that I had overreacted… again… They were all more interested in reaching out to him, throwing us to the side of the road in the process.
So to have that first person be angry for what had happened to us? It was a window of heaven opening.
Keep being “angry”! We need it!
And thank you for assembling your page For clergy who want to learn how to respond to domestic abuse – all the links there! What a collection of wisdom!
No wonder this site A Cry For Justice is the place I found clarity after leaving him. Nowhere else had I ever found such information that finally rang true to what I was experiencing.
MoodyMom wrote this as comment here on our blog. We thank her for giving us permission to re-publish it as a stand-alone post.