A Cry For Justice

Awakening the Evangelical Church to Domestic Violence and Abuse in its Midst

Prayer Requests

We at A Cry For Justice desire to come along side those of you who have been wounded by abuse. We strive to do this through our teachings and through praying for the victims that we are aware of. If you wish to remain anonymous, please feel free to do so.  Leave prayer requests in the comments section below.  If you would like to read previous years’ requests and comments click on one of the three links below.

Prayer Requests 2015

Prayer Requests 2014 

Prayer Requests 2013

Prayer Requests 2012

Some of ACFJ survivors have told us how God lead them to freedom from their abusive marriages.  We have compiled those testimonies here.  May you be encouraged!

Testimonies

153 Comments

  1. Concerned Mom

    I’d just like to ask for prayer for my child who still has shared custody with the abusive dad. I have lost over and over again in court (judge gives him whatever he wants), and our child had begun to stand up to dad and resist the mental and emotional abuse and now it escalated. I pray all night when my child is there. Thank you.

    (Eds. note: some identifying details removed to protect the identity of the mother and child)

    • Concerned Mother

      Things are escalating badly as the abuser is getting angry because she is seeing the truth and calling it out as she sees it. She wants to try to talk to the judge but the judge basically told me to sit down and shut up at our last trial, even when I was completely rational and calm, gave facts, not opinions, supposedly had everything going for me, and at this time, we are not poised to return. She doesn’t ever want to go back, and I hate making her. Prayers are so appreciated!! Thank you for this site, thank you!!

      • I will pray.

      • Concerned Mother

        She called crying; he keeps getting in her face, saying she’s not normal and that she is a bad kid, which she never has been. He took her phone away so no way to contact me. … So much more is happening…Things are escalating badly. All I can do is pray and pray.

      • getting down on my knees to pray now

      • Concerned Mother

        Thank you. I read the Psalms out loud. I prayed for a way for her to be free of the enemy. It has been over 12 years of this stuff now.

      • I’ve been praying imprecations on him.

      • Concerned Mother

        It’s escalating even more. He is crazy-making and talking about putting cameras in her room, etc. She had to go to the doctor today and is not getting better; staying ill because she’s so stressed. Right now, I can use prayer for her if anyone is available. I don’t get her until Wednesday and he is not letting up.

      • praying

      • Concerned Mother

        Thank you, I am honored by your prayers and to pray for others here. I am asking God to make the supernatural happen to prevent the ex from taking my child for summer vacation. She said she’d rather kill herself than be stuck in another state with him. She has never wanted to go, but she says she feels “scared, this time.” And that’s why I keep asking for prayer. I know if two or more agree…and I am also now praying the imprecations, as I have to fight for her in the heavenly realm. Going to court would be impossible with a misogynistic fellow narcissistic judge and we were warned not to “make things up.”

      • Okay i’ve already been praying imprecatory prayers on your abuser. Now i’ll add that judge into those prayers too.

  2. collums74

    I will pray!

    • Concerned Mother

      Thank you! I will ask please if anyone would kindly agree with me in prayer once again. She currently has a [fairly common, bacterial] infection; we took her to the Dr. after having done so a few times with “it’s a virus,” told to use by each one. Now it’s bad. and her dad is also ill (barely). He makes her wait on him hand and foot.

      Also, he is making an unholy alliance with a young male adult who is connected to our family who is starting to look like a controller. He tends to “pick on” my child and toss her around and physically handle her, supposedly playfully, but I don’t want his hands on her at all. All this needs to stop. I have asked him to not rough her up, but he doesn’t seem to get it. Thank you all once again.

      [Eds: some details airbrushed to protect identity of victims]

      • H

        I’m praying for you. What you are saying is sending chills down my spine. Oh Lord, please rise up and send help and a defender for this little one! Strike down the unjust judge and bring one to replace him that will do your will and protect the helpless.

      • Concerned Mother

        She is there again going through so much…he says he will take her for 3 weeks this summer and she told me she wants to die…thanks for praying, the enemy is angry because of our prayer here. Yet, I have to believe God is doing something we cannot see…

      • Concerned Mother

        Just wanted to update; after a few weekends of horror for her with him making her crazy while she’s there, he’s messaged me saying he’s found her a counselor and wants to take her and that I’m welcome to come. I said I have to give my okay on who it is. I’m shaking and terrified, as we all know what the experience of going to a counselor with an abuser is like; I still have nightmares over mine. I am asking prayer for some type of breakthrough; maybe the counselor won’t be an ally of his? Of course, I doubt it, he wouldn’t have her assigned to someone who’d believe her, would he….?

      • Good grief. Here are some ideas for you to mull over. Could you give permission only if certain conditions are met? Put the conditions in writing and get the counselor to sign off on them before the counseling can begin. The conditions could be things like:
        — daughter sees the counselor only in private, not with either parent present
        — you also see the counselor in private, not with the father present.

  3. collums74

    Please pray for a parenting meeting I have this week. The GAL and counselor involved are planning on recommending unsupervised visitations with their abusive father. The older ones stand up to him so he doesn’t want them anymore. The younger children are terrified of their father and he has done many dangerous and erratic things. I ask that you pray their visitation remains supervised as it is right now. That the judge’s eyes will be opened to the damage the abuse has caused the children. The prayers of Faithful friends and people on this site have been answered so far because the visitation has remained supervised for over 2 years which is basically a miracle in today’s family court. The hearing is this week please pray diligently for protection for these girls. If the ruling allows unsupervised visitation please pray that God will wrap these little one’s souls with strength and protection. It will be like a death sentence to us as many of you are already experiencing.

    • I am praying

    • Concerned Mother

      Did not see an update. How did it go?

  4. Savedbygrace

    Praying x

  5. Lost

    Need prayer
    Don’t think God hears me, sees me, or has chosen me.
    I’m constantly stonewalled. Husband knows all the court tactics and will take kids if I leave again. He’s a master manipulator. A liar. Ups and downs in the confusing abusive cycle- I’m destroyed, exhausted, depressed, lost and my little kids are even against me. Theu always have been. Not their fault. He encourages it on purpose. They think I’m being mean to him because I’m standing up to him now. I bet he’ll kill me- I see his contempt and hate. I just hope I’m really saved. I’m so confused. My stomach hurts. I hate myself.

    • Jeff Crippen

      Lost- may the Lord bless and protect you. Go to your local womens shelter and ask for help. We can feel hopeless but God sees all. There is hope.

      • Lost

        Hi Jeff
        Been there done that. Mixed messages. They don’t believe in God and if they do it’s against they’re policy to talk about anything regarding Him. I’ll lose my kids for good if I do. He’s already been alienating me from the kids emotionally for years now. His family has money and they are just like he is to me. Things are escalating. It’s like I don’t exist here. I need to go somewhere but shelters aren’t very helpful in that I’m still stupid when it comes to being abused. I can’t see it until it’s bad. I don’t know how to be in healthy relationships period. I don’t trust anyone. I can’t. I’ve tried.

      • Lost

        Hi Jeff
        If He sees all, why doesn’t He see me and help me and where is He? No one believes me. I can’t stand the stonewalling. I’m dying inside. No one calls him what he is. They sympathize and defend and are also very diplomatic. I think I’m evil. “Pray more, stop being angry, talk more, he doesn’t understand he’s abusive, he has a lot to learn,” etc etc. They talk to him and he lies and justifies everything. I’m not safe here and I’m not safe out of here either. This will never end.

      • They may not believe you, but we do. All our team believe you. I think I can safely say that all the commmenters on this blog believe you (because we don’t let abusers and their allies comment here).

        The people who don’t call him what he is — I encourage you not to listen to them. If you hear their words and their nasty insinuations about you, and their foolish advice, I encourage you to put up a mental wall against it, so it doesn’t penetrate your soul and make you doubt yourself.

        God sees ALL. He sees the evil and the cover-up of evil. He sees the minimisation of evil. He sees how they are slandering you. He sees the foolish and dangerous things they are saying to you.

        Is God helping you? Only you can assess that, but may I suggest that He has helped you at least a little bit by leading you to this blog? I don’t want to big-note myself or any of the ACFJ team: I am only hoping to encourage you to consider that God may be working on your behalf, even if His light is only faintly getting thru the cracks of the prison at the moment. I recognise the reality of the heavy darkness you feel you are in. I don’t want to minimise or discount how unsafe you feel. You are the expert on your situation, and I honour you for how you have survived against the odds thus far!

      • Jeff Crippen

        Lost- You are not the first person to be oppressed and ask “Lord, where are you? Why do you not answer me? Why do you allow the wicked to oppress me?” The best answer I can give you to your just and good question – “why doesn’t he see me and help me and where is He?” – is His own Word. This is Psalm 77, and there are other Psalms like it. Read it through slowly. Identify with the Psalmist as he asks these questions of the Lord. Then notice how he remembers. He remembers back through history and how in Scripture the Lord has revealed Himself to be a help to His people and to all that call out to Him. His promise is that as we trust Him and keep calling out to Him, He WILL hear because He has done so before. Here it is –

        To the choirmaster: according to Jeduthun. A Psalm of Asaph. I cry aloud to God, aloud to God, and he will hear me. In the day of my trouble I seek the Lord; in the night my hand is stretched out without wearying; my soul refuses to be comforted. When I remember God, I moan; when I meditate, my spirit faints. Selah. You hold my eyelids open; I am so troubled that I cannot speak. I consider the days of old, the years long ago. I said, “Let me remember my song in the night; let me meditate in my heart.” Then my spirit made a diligent search: “Will the Lord spurn forever, and never again be favorable? Has his steadfast love forever ceased? Are his promises at an end for all time? Has God forgotten to be gracious? Has he in anger shut up his compassion?” Selah. Then I said, “I will appeal to this, to the years of the right hand of the Most High.” I will remember the deeds of the LORD; yes, I will remember your wonders of old. I will ponder all your work, and meditate on your mighty deeds. Your way, O God, is holy. What god is great like our God? You are the God who works wonders; you have made known your might among the peoples. You with your arm redeemed your people, the children of Jacob and Joseph. Selah. When the waters saw you, O God, when the waters saw you, they were afraid; indeed, the deep trembled. The clouds poured out water; the skies gave forth thunder; your arrows flashed on every side. The crash of your thunder was in the whirlwind; your lightnings lighted up the world; the earth trembled and shook. Your way was through the sea, your path through the great waters; yet your footprints were unseen. You led your people like a flock by the hand of Moses and Aaron.
        (Psa 77:1-20)

    • One thing you can be certain of, Lost, God has not chosen your husband!

      (God may bring him to faith later, but it is certain that he is not saved at this point in time. And with his intensely hard heart, he is likely to fight against God’s calling. His destiny is known to God.)

    • I am praying for you.

    • Concerned Mother

      Thinking of you today, Lost. Keeping you in prayer.

  6. Debbie

    Praying for you.

    • Not really Scared anymore!!

      Praying for you too!! I think have all been at that place where we feel like God doesn’t hear us and all around us are pointing accusing fingers. It is a hard, hard place to be. Praying for you. I was helped by reading the Psalms, knowing that David, A man after God’s own heart, felt like I did. I also spent a lot of time reading Joel. Knowing that there were locusts of all sorts just eating away but that God WOULD replenish. It has been a long long road. I went from having my tag be “Still Scared”, to “Still Scared but you can call me Cindy” , to hopefully able to change it to “not really scared anymore” ( If my computer skills will allow me to do it) . It has been 6 years since I got free. My kids are slowing healing and thriving. God is good. But it was a very difficult road.

      • Hey, I like your screen name, Not really Scared anymore!!

      • So glad for you, NRSA!

  7. I have prayed this today for Lost, Karen, Loves6, ConcernedMother, Collumns74, NewLife, FreedomGirl, Anna in the Temple, IamMyBeloved’s, AnotherAnon, Still Reforming, Not Too Late, Trying to Escape, Keeper, and all the many many others, whose names I may or may not know, who are dealing with abuse and its horrific consequences.

    A Psalm of David. Hear my prayer, O LORD;
    give ear to my pleas for mercy!
    In your faithfulness answer me, in your righteousness!
    Enter not into judgment with your servant,
    for no one living is righteous before you.

    For the enemy has pursued my soul;
    he has crushed my life to the ground;
    he has made me sit in darkness like those long dead.
    Therefore my spirit faints within me;
    my heart within me is appalled.

    I remember the days of old;
    I meditate on all that you have done;
    I ponder the work of your hands.
    I stretch out my hands to you;
    my soul thirsts for you like a parched land. Selah

    Answer me quickly, O LORD!
    My spirit fails!
    Hide not your face from me,
    lest I be like those who go down to the pit.
    Let me hear in the morning of your steadfast love,
    for in you I trust.
    Make me know the way I should go,
    for to you I lift up my soul.

    Deliver me from my enemies, O LORD!
    I have fled to you for refuge.
    Teach me to do your will,
    for you are my God!
    Let your good Spirit lead me
    on level ground!

    For your name’s sake, O LORD, preserve my life!
    In your righteousness bring my soul out of trouble!
    And in your steadfast love you will cut off my enemies,
    and you will destroy all the adversaries of my soul,
    for I am your servant.

    (Psalm 143 ESV)

    • Anonymous

      Thank you Barb.

    • Anotheranon

      Thank you Barbara! I have really been needing some encouragement lately. Keep praying God will lead me step by step.

    • Concerned Mother

      Thank you! The Psalms got me through the worst of times with him. I still read them and pray them. Most of the Psalms will cover what all of us are going through!!

  8. Trying to Escape

    Thank you for your prayers. I just want to post an encouraging note. The Lord has delivered me from my evil abuser. The process to get free has been terrifying BUT I held firm and truly BELIEVED and PRAYED for the Lord to step in and fight this battle and He gave me the strength and endurance to persevere. I was reminded by Jeff that the battle truly is the Lord’s and He is Victor over evil. Don’t give up Lost.

    • Lost

      I am giving up. No one believes me out here. I’m starting to think I’m a monster. I hate him. But the bible says if you hate you’re brother you’re a liar and God is not in you right? He’s called me the devil. Maybe I am. I don’t think I’m saved. I hate my life. I need help and there is NONE.

      • Dear Lost
        it sounds to me like your head is cabbaged with the false accusations made by the abuser and the viewpoint he and your church have of you. (I read that expression years ago, in an account from another survivor. She said, “My head is cabbaged with him.”)

        I encourage you to say over and over to yourself:
        My husband is a liar.
        His accusations against me are wicked falsehoods.
        What he is accusing me of is what he does.
        He labels me with the wicked qualities he has.

        …if you hate you’re brother you’re a liar and God is not in you right? He’s called me the devil.

        Listen to John 3:20 — For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his works should be exposed.

        Your husband fights back when good people (like you) expose and denounce his sins. He seldom if ever confesses his sins freely, and if he does ‘confess’ any sin of his, he only does it to manipulate people. In contrast, you are by your own free will exposing what you think are your sins (e.g. punching your husband once, when he came home after being away for ages with no explanation) and opening yourself to feedback from any readers at this blog. You are not trying to keep your misdeeds in the dark. You are wanting to bring them into the light. That means you are NOT like your husband. You are the opposite of your husband. You (like any believer — we all still struggle against the flesh) are wanting to change so that you become more like Christ. You are open to correction: you do not fight against it! Can you see that means there is a VAST difference between you and your husband.

        Let me put this to you. By stating the truth that your husband is abusing you, you are actually loving him. You hate what he does so much that you are compelled by leading of the Holy Spirit to refuse to go along with it, to denounce it, to expose it. So you hate his conduct and his entitled attitude. At the same time, you are showing love: you care about your husband’s eternal destiny, and you care for your own soul, and you care for the endangered church which is in such darkness because it is wilfully blind to evil. You hate evil and lies. That is a loving stance to take. It is the stance God himself takes.

        The church at large is distorting Christian truth so much that they are preaching a false God — a god who does not confront and expose evil, a god who welcomes wolves into the flock and thus makes the church unsafe for the sheep, the true followers of Christ.

        When we are dealing with a hardened sinner (such as your husband) we love them by confronting them with their sin, by exposing their sin to the light. They hate it being exposed! They hate their evil ways being denounced! They fight back and they fight back hard. Whenever you have stood against the sins of your husband, whenever you have tried to set boundaries against him, he has fought you, he has probably escalated his abuse, and if you disclosed his abuse to others he has snowed them so they side with him. These are the actions of a wicked man who FIGHTS as hard as he can against having to give up his sins.

        This post by Ellie illustrates true love: I left him because I loved him.

        Your husband calls you the devil because he loves to revile you: to sling false accusations at you, to slander you, crush you, make you doubt your morality, make you doubt your good character. He constantly seeks to undermine your dignity and self esteem. He seeks to squeeze the life out of you. That is what abusers DO.

        Have you read Lundy Bancroft’s book Why Does He DO That? It will help you a lot I think. You might be able to borrow it from you local library.

        Also I encourage you to listen to Jeff’s 20+ sermons on Domestic Violence and Abuse. They are free. You can find a link to them here:
        https://cryingoutforjustice.com/resources/sermons/. They deal with the psychology and methods of sin.

        And I encourage you to keep reading the posts on this blog about how it IS godly to hate evil. You are righteous to hate the abuser’s conduct and mentality. He is not a Christian brother. He has never been born again. He is an unregenerate man. He is a wolf in sheep’s clothing. We are not commanded to love wolves in sheep’s clothing! We are instructed to avoid them, to have nothing to do with them (2 Tim 3:1-5). And we are commanded to expel them from the church! (1 Cor. 5:11-13). Your church is not doing that, and that means they are enabling the wolf.

        Here are some more posts about how it is right to hate evil:
        If you Are a Christian, then You Practice Hatred. Really!

        Anger, hatred, vengeance: – am I feeling them? are my feelings wrong?

      • healinginhim

        Don’t give up, Lost.
        Barbara has given great insight and encouragement.

  9. Lost

    I need help. No one believes me. They speak the way the blog about Erin states those people talked to her. I need help. I’ll inly be free if I run away and leave the kids. They already hate me because he let’s them eat candy and do whatever they want all the time. I have no help. Where is there a place I can go that believes what you Barbara and Jeff believes. You are the only ones I know who say it like it really is. I need a place to escape and a way to know more about what you guys know. I can’t live like this! The language out here is sympathic to him as a sinner. I can’t believe nobody knows what to do! I truly wish I were never born. One lady said I was overwhelmed emotionally and we could look at the bible. I told her I’m standing up- that’s what you hear!- I’m not just emotional. This is what standing up looks like- I’m angry at all of the injustice and passivity! My husband always wins. Always! He does whatever it takes and it works every time. People just love him. He good looking, fit and knows the bible well. He’s influential and charming and knows no boundaries. People love that!
    Somebody please email me with places or numbers to go.

    Jeff the dv places here don’t help as I’ve been there already. A lady even told me to respect him more. Seriously?! He’s the one that has no respect for me as a human much less a wife! I’m not crazy but these places don’t hear me. I need help with people that know what you guys know. Please help. I’m completely lost. I posted on here bc I can’t see if you’ve replied elsewhere to the request of a place and phone numbers thru email. So this is an easier location for me to return. I’ve clicked “notify me comments thru email” but it’s never worked so far

    • Dear Lost, I am concerned that you are not getting email notifications of further comments on a thread, after you have commented on a thread and ticked the box saying you want to get such notifications. We have never had a commmenter say that before. I am not blaming you, but this is a new problem which we haven’t faced before, so at the moment I am at a loss about how to fix it.

      If you read this commment of mine, please email me: barbara@notunderbondage.com
      In your email, tell me whether or not you got an email notifying you of this comment of mine.

      Also, do you believe it is safe for me to email you? As blog administrators, we can see your email address (at the back of the blog) but we don’t want to email you unless you are confident that your abuser is not monitoring your emails. Some abusers monitor their victim’s emails; they technologically spy on their victim’s email account. We would not want to email you if it increased your danger from the abuser.

      Here is the Cybersafety page of our Resources. You might like to read the links there.

    • Since the DV places near you have not helped, then maybe you might consider ringing your national DV hotline and asking to be put into a shelter (or for other suggestions), but not a shelter associated with the DV service you used before, because you had a bum steer there. Our Hotlines page is under our Resources tab, but here is a direct link to it. cryingoutforjustice.com/resources/hotlines/

    • Also, Lost, maybe you could create a new email address and comment from that. Make sure the new email address has a strong password, one that is not easy to guess. Make sure it is a password you have never used before and will not use for anything else. If possible, use a computer in your local library to do it, so that if your abuser has installed keystroke-tracking software on your computer or mobile device, he will not be able to know the password you have chosen.

      Then (still at the library if possible) use the new email address to set up a new WordPress account. Then whenever you want to comment on this blog, comment from that new WordPress ID. Preferably from a computer that your abuser has never had access to. I know that sounds tough.

      If you need coaching on how to do all this, email our assistant TWBTC. She often helps readers who are having problems setting up their WordPress accounts and other such stuff.🙂
      Her address is twbtc.acfj@gmail.com

  10. Anna in the temple

    Hi Lost. I am not sure where to begin except to say I have felt like you did and despaired of life. In the end I saw God’s provision and even though I came close to death He brought me through. When I look back now I realise He preserved me even though I lost everything. I am sorry it is so hard for you now. Please hang in there. I will pray for you. Much love in Christ, dear sister.

  11. prayingformykids

    I’m wondering if you have any knowledge of Dr Gregory Jantz and his book called “don’t call it love” Couldn’t find him or his book on either of your recommended or not recommended resources lists.
    as well, wondering if you know anything about the “Center for Hope” in Edmunds Washington
    thank you

  12. Please Pray

    Thank you so much for your blog. It is encouraging to know that someone understands the tactics of abusive people.

    Please pray for me as I have been in an ongoing custody dispute for several years with an abusive man who is a former pastor. He assaulted me and broke my nose to the point where it had to be surgically repaired. He still makes it a point to be very involved in church and takes my children to church every Sunday as well as catechism to play a personal marketing and public relations game. I have moved to another town in the same county but have not avoided his stalking or legal harassment in doing so. Since the judge in our case has repeatedly denied him custody of our children, he has now asked for a jury trial which is allowed for custody in the state I reside. The trial is scheduled for the middle of March. I no longer have the money to defend myself and will be going to the jury trial representing myself. Please pray for me and my children (who are being constantly manipulated) that the people on the jury see the Truth and are not taken in by my former spouse’s smoke and mirror tactics. Please pray that his evil ways are put to an end and that God will heal my family.

    • I am praying for you and your children and that the jury will see the truth.

    • I will pray. your story is so so common! The justice system esp in America needs to be shaken up big time.

    • healinginhim

      Praying against the evil workings of manipulators and that God be glorified as Truth prevails.

    • Seeing the Light

      Praying for you and for your whole situation.

  13. Trying to Escape

    I will pray…

  14. Anon

    Pray for my courage&strength.

    • praying now, in response to your request.

      And you will notice I changed the screen name in your comment — I did that for your safety.

      Welcome to the blog🙂 We always like to encourage new readers to check out our New Users Info page as it gives tips for how to guard your safety while commenting on the blog.

  15. MovingForward

    I have been separated from my abuser for close to a year and he has a renewed interest in working things out. I see no evidence of repentance or heart change. Not buying what he is selling! I am so thankful for resources like this blog that have gotten my theology straight. I can’t even imagine going back into the daily chaos and fear.I would appreciate prayer that God would continue to reveal deceptive tactics by my abuser. Specifically, that the counselor he is working with would see the truth of the situation and very clearly know when my abuser is not being honest. Also, that the children and I would be able to settle into our own home soon-a fresh start to heal and recover.

  16. Anna

    Hi all…. Could you all please keep me in prayer over the next few weeks. I believe I uncovered corruption etc at work and have been treated very badly as a result of trying to speak out. Please pray for wisdom and my safety and that an appropriate investigation will show up the maladministration etc as othera have not been as readily able to see what I discovered. Please pray for direction and sleep as I take steps forward. This may mean having to find a new job or other more dramatic outcomes….

  17. Believing God

    I am so grateful to God to have discovered (I believe by the guidance of The Holy Spirit) this webpage. I have struggled with this very issue since my husband left in the fall of 2014. I was married to him for 7 years and sad to say, there were more sad than glad times. I have tried to love this man, but Ive come to realize that he loves himself, and has loved himself more than me. My marriage was a mixture of physical and verbal abuse. Physical until one day I scratched the heck out of him and had him scared half to death to go to sleep with me because I was fed up-but still had a lovesick heart for him. From that point it changed to a verbally abusive relationship. Which was just as bad. The man I had given my heart and soul to would always go below the belt in an argument. Calling me terrible curse words and telling me he considered me ugly, fat, stinky – anything to hurt me. Eventually it did, and I came to the point that I became paranoid I was becoming exactly what he called me. Gaining weight contributed to my poor perception of myself. He started preferring pornography to me, which also added to the growing list of insecurities I began to have.

    I have had the mixed opinions of what to do, and I honestly tried to work out a long distance marriage with him (short term in my mind) but I have come to realize that the only gain for him in this marriage pertains to being a tax break. He is absolutely living it up in a major metropolitan and wants to live a part time marriage relationship indefinitely. Before he left he had stopped wearing his ring. And he still doesn’t wear it. So.to read this and feel the comfort that its okay to move on, that I will not disappoint God is confirmation for me to move on with my life. Trusting God to live in His peace and resting in Him. I am believing God to heal my wounded soul. I forgive but I don’t want to pursue saving my marriage anymore. He has been so selfish and lied so much about changing when I was ready to end things, and when I conceded would go back to shelving our marriage, living a carefree life that implied he was single and the anger issues would rear its ugly head here and there. He is going to church and says he’s changing, but I simply don’t want to risk being hurt anymore..I’m all worn out from trying to love my husband. I give. He takes, takes, takes.

    Thank you for your candid and honest evaluation of the Word. Whom the Son sets free is truly free indeed. That’s ME.

    God bless you in your work. Thank you for helping people like me.

    • Hi Believing God,

      Welcome to the blog and thank you for sharing your story. I am very glad you are ‘free at last’. You will notice that I changed your screen name – only because we have another regular commenter who uses that screen name and we want to be able to distinguish between the two of you. If you would rather have a different screen name, just contact me and I can change it. twbtc.acfj@gmail.com

      Also, we like to direct new commenters to our New User’s page. It gives tips for staying safe when commenting on the blog.

      Again, Welcome!

  18. Growing in Him

    Please pray for myself and my children. I am trying to progress my divorce but the sorcery against me is so strong I am getting nowhere. In the middle of the night I feel like giving up the demonic pressure is so strong.

    • healinginhim

      Growing In Him — PRAYING for you. The oppression keeps us in the fog. I am forever grateful for ACFJ as they helped me realize that it was okay to admit to having the down times where you literally felt like you could not carry on. The enemy of our souls is so cunning at beating us down.
      You’ve done the right thing by seeking prayer. Be reassured that ACFJ and others care and are praying for you. ((hugs))

    • I shall pray.

      And readers, if you are wondering what Growing in Him means by ‘sorcery against her’, she has described it in this comment:
      https://cryingoutforjustice.com/2016/02/19/snatched-from-the-fire/#comment-77899

      • Concerned Mother

        Boy, do I ever believe in that! I think the enemy has been trying to kill me for my entire life. He has brought evil men into my life over and over again. I was backslidden and fell for some of them, and recognized others. A few were warlocks and sorcerers and spoke evil over me and yet, I fell for my daughter’s dad who masquerades as a Christ-follower. I had never known a true Christian man (until now, my first love returned to me, which is definitely a miracle). The enemy will try anything and everything to destroy those who want to grow closer to God and bring their children to Him. The evil was thick and I saw all types of demonic activity and tricks. Now, my ex is defenseless against my husband and me, but he continues his attacks against my child. She knows the Lord and sees it for what it is, but it mentally and physically wears her down. I wish this state would recognize her desire to live primarily with me.

        [Eds: age of daughter deleted for safety reasons].

  19. KayE

    I can barely believe I have to ask for prayer for this again. My ex left five years ago, but he has continued to work at gaining control of the younger daughter and turning her against me. Now things have suddenly become very very bad and mental health professionals have been recruited against me. My greatest concern is for her well-being and state of mind. I no longer have the power to do anything myself. I feel that unless someone else intervenes the consequences could be tragic.

    • healinginhim

      Praying.

    • Praying!

      • Concerned Mother

        Also lifting you and your daughter in prayer right now.

    • Jeff Crippen

      Prayed for you this morning, KayE

  20. Seeker

    Please pray God will give me wisdom and courage. Thank you.

    • Hi Seeker,

      I am prayer for you as you seek wisdom and courage!!

      You will notice I changed your screen name to something less identifying for your safety. We like to direct new commenters to our New User’s Page as it gives tips for staying safe when commenting on the blog. If you would like a different screen name just email me at twbtc.acfj@gmail.com and I can change it.

      And, Welcome!!

    • praying

    • healingInHim

      Praying. ((hugs))

      • Concerned Mother

        Praying today over all the above. Sending God’s love, mercy and grace over you all…

  21. I need help and I don’t know where to go – it seems no one understands the depth of this insidious disorder.

    I was married to a so called sociopath for nearly two decades who can appear very normal on the surface but was evil to the core. He had an affair for two years with my best friend during the time I was pregnant with our 2nd child which left me numb but that wasn’t even the beginning of it. He would push me up against the wall and down on the floor both times I was pregnant and then after I found out about the affair he put a loaded revolver to my head and pulled the trigger. He pushed me on the ground and kicked my with boots on. He either broke or dislocated my ribs that time. He picked me up by my hair and threw me across the back yard. He has burned me twice with a cigarette. The list goes on and on.

    I finally left when my children were in their early teens, with no money or job. The children were in private school and I knew I would disrupt their lives even more by taking them out and creating chaos. Everyday I want to commit suicide. I can’t function and can’t get out of this depression. To look at me I’m a very normal person and people always thought we were a normal and great family but behind closed doors he was awful. I need help and don’t know where to turn. Counselors don’t get it – no one does unless you’ve been through it. He took everything from me and I don’t know how to put the pieces of my life back together. God please someone help

    • anon

      We all get it here. I am praying for you and your kids dear one. I am so deeply sorry that this happened to you. God does redeem our lives! He hears you!

    • Jeff Crippen

      Shari – I would recommend that you visit your local women’s shelter and see if they can refer you to a trauma counselor who really understands abuse and PTSD. All of those years of abuse take their toll. You have been in a war and terrorized for many, many years and you are most likely suffering from the trauma of it all. As an immediate resource to you, please read through the many, many posts here on this blog at ACFJ. We have found that learning the truth about abuse and abusers and their evil lies and tactics is very freeing to people who have suffered through it. Your physician may also be able to refer you to someone. Abuse takes its toll on a person in every way, including causing physical ailments, often stress related conditions.

      Feel free to email us directly at swordtrowel@gmail.com We are not professional counselors but we do understand abuse and serve as a place where you can be believed and validated.

      • Shari

        Dear Healinginhim,
        Yes I wish I lived close to women who could relate and emotionally support one another. So hard to find that because most people don’t want negativity in their lives. In the area I live I have been to a counselor for the women’s shelter but you only get so many visits and she was 22 yrs. old. Thank you for the prayers and I will be praying for you also. I know God’s with all of us but I wish I sensed it more!

        (Editor’s note: slight editing to protect the commenter’s identity)

    • healinginhim

      Shari – I wish I lived close to you and that there was something I could physically do to help. You’ve come to the right place for prayer and guidance. Praying that this prayer request will somehow trigger a response that can help you.
      There is much advice via the many posts and commenters at ACFJ.
      If others knew what country, state, etc you lived in … there might be some connections and advice.
      ((HUGS)) and prayers to you.

      • Shari

        Dear Anotheranon,
        Thank you for your support and prayers and I will be praying for you too in that you will find the strength you need to make it through the day, every day.

    • Anotheranon

      Dear Shari,
      I feel so badly for you! When I left my husband and he followed me I went to the local authorities. They referred me to the county victim/witness coodinator. She was very helpful with resources for me (women’s shelters, etc.) and a sympathetic listening ear. I was not physically abused as you have been but I was afraid nonetheless. Keep telling your story till you find someone who listens! Don’t give up! It’s hard to keep fighting for yourself when you’ve been beaten down for so long but pray diligently for strength and wisdom. God hears you. He loves you. I’m praying for strength for you, and if it helps, please pray for strength for me too. I need it desperately these days.

    • Dear Shari
      We believe you. We support you. We honor you.

      And I shall pray for you.

      And we have an offer of free books for those who can’t afford to buy them. You are more than welcome to take up our offer. Click here for more info.

      • Shari

        Dear Yvonne,
        It’s scary that all of our stories are somewhat similar and even scarier that the abusers manipulate friends and relatives into thinking that they are the abused. I tried and tried to get into his head to figure out why he would do and say the things he did but just couldn’t understand him – why someone would want to hurt their spouse like that. My ex has turned my daughter against me at a time she needs me the most but I can’t tell her of all the terrible things he’s done just yet. Plus she’s so manipulated by him she most likely wouldn’t believe it. I’m sorry you have had to go through so much pain but know that one day we will all be vindicated. I am praying for you too.

    • Yvonne

      Shari, I just read everything you have been thru. My heart is so hurt. I have gone thru
      exactly the same as you. My first husband abused me and broke my ankle by throwing
      a huge dresser drawer on it. Pulled me around a midnight out of bed by my hair
      and put tape recorders in every room, to listen to conversations. I was high on
      antidepressants. He bought me to this country and kept me prisoner by taking key
      and locking me in. I escaped ran out door took daughter and got on my feet.
      Took 5 years to get over then met next husband who was even worse, he was
      an alchohlic did not know. Then went to Prison 20 years and left us on street
      evicted. I had 2 kids by then. All his abuse and anger also. He got out came back
      then left us again. So I completely understand . I had nowhere to turn or none to help. People and my family turned against me and away from me. I lost everything apartment
      car, went on welfare, lost my career etc.
      After this 30 year merry go round I am now 65yrs old!!!!!! and just healing and getting
      on feet. Without God I would be in mental hospital. I am not from this country makes
      it worse, no family here and alone now. So if you need a friend I am here to pray
      with you and lift you up. I really need one myself as no one understands the hell
      I went thru. God Bless you.

      • Concerned Mother

        Yvonne, I just read your comment and am offering you a hand in friendship.❤ I'm so sorry that you had to go through all of that. I picked badly as well. The enemy likes to try to destroy us, but God has other ideas and gives us strength and victory! I am so glad you have Him. Now you have friends here. No, wait, we are family here…! Hugs to you!

      • healinginhim

        Yvonne, Shari and many others. Just adding my short comment of affirmation that you are believed and loved at ACFJ ministry. We all have scars that can be healed by the Lord through His faithful, loving servants. ((hugs))

  22. Feeling stuck

    Wow, you have a long prayer request page! I don’t know how often you check it. I am a survivor of abuse from my first husband. We have been divorced since 19**. I was the one who made the decision to divorce after several years. Even before we married, my ex did some abusive things, but I didn’t see it …we were both in college, a college that had a deaf program providing sign language interpreters. This was a new experience for me, for I had not known sign language for very long, and this was my first time having interpreters in class. This was truly a turning point in learning to see myself as a deaf person and being able to actually thrive in school.

    This is where I met my first husband. Drinking was involved, and when we decided to date, I found that he would become coercive/forceful, but only mildly, in terms of sex. I didn’t think much of it then. We dated for about a year, and then he left to go back home. Shortly after, I found out I was pregnant. He initially wanted me to have an abortion, giving me a promise ring that he still wanted to be with me, but just wasn’t ready to have a baby. My mom, my sister, some of my college friends and even some of the staff of the deaf center wanted me to abort. I had a few friends who were christians who supported and encouraged me to consider adoption. This was my plan until my 6th month, when I sent the adoption papers to my ex-husband. That is when he finally told his family that I was pregnant. His mother was a strong “believer” (religious person) and encouraged him to marry me. We did. Pretty much from the start, he would go out drinking with his friends or cousins, including an ex-girlfriend, and since I was pregnant… then gave birth to our son… he left me alone. He would come back early in the morning wanting sex. I would say no because I felt hurt by his abandonment and turned off by the drinking…he would grab me or pin me down and force me. This occurred many times throughout our marriage. We would argue continually…his anger would escalate….he would slam doors and stuff…it got to where I didn’t want to sleep with him at all.

    I tried going to a christian counselor at the baptist church I attended… naturally, she told me to not deny sex with my husband. She never addressed the abuse/control/anger issues. I stopped seeing her. One time my ex was out of control…I think because I told him I was going to leave…he got a bb pistol and told me that if he held it by his temple, it would kill him, threatening to kill himself in front of me if I left. I refused. He finally went out through the kitchen, grabbing a knife, and walked out of the house and drove around. I think he went to his friend or family…I reached out to a friend of mine and packed up and left and went to an abuse shelter.

    Long story short….I saw a baptist christian counselor, saw two different regular counselors, seeking help with my abuse issues and custody issues. It was a mess. I left him after about 5 years….Fast forward more than a dozen years, in 2009 I decided to attend a marriage class with my second husband, working through the book/workbook, “His Needs, Her Needs” by Willard Harley, I believe. There was a chapter about affection and intimacy that brought up the deep pain from my first husband’s abuse. Shortly after this, I went to a deaf conference with my best friend, and she encouraged me to talk to a male deaf counselor there. He was actually quite good. He asked me questions, and when I shared my story, he said it was abuse, period. Kudos to him for being willing to call it that, he was the first. He validated my pain and encouraged me to go through counseling. Unfortunately, he lived in another city a good ways from me, so I couldn’t use him. I tried finding a good one, but didn’t like any of them or didn’t find them helpful. Though I have been trying counseling off and on since I was a teen, after my attempted suicide…I just can’t stick with any counseling long term, I keep running, even now. My sister and I have suspected we were abused as kids, but neither of us has much memory. We both struggled with sexual behaviors even as teens, and throughout, though I have more as an adult.

    Presently, I have been remarried for nearly two decades…this is our second year with no sex…I can’t handle it. I did think I dealt with it to an extent, being still before God and hearing him speak to my heart. I have forgiven my ex-husband. I realize healing comes in layers. I do worry a bit that I can’t keep my second husband waiting forever for intimacy again, but I cannot bear the idea. I hate to say that I would rather be single again. I don’t really trust/feel comfortable with any of the counselors…or how to find anyone good. I feel stuck. I am trying to seek God, to know Him intimately, to receive his love and peace and joy, etc. I need Him. Thank you. Sorry this is so long.

  23. Feeling Stuck

    Thank you very much. I did look through the links. I did feel the His Needs, Her Needs book was rather superficial in dealing with issues. It is good to see something that explains more clearly about the book. It’s been a while since i read it but yeah, it’s wrong to presume that if you do things right to meet the other’s needs, then they won’t cheat. It’s not biblical. I had wondered if my ex actually did have an affair with his ex-girlfriend, but he never admitted it.

    I don’t know what I need right now. All I know is that I’m stuck. Thank you. I’ll keep looking. ❤

    • Hi, Feeling Stuck.

      Your screen name was given as your real name and I’ve changed it before publishing this comment. Also I removed the URL link to another social media site that was given as a link to the screen name you had given.

      I think you might have to manually change the screen name and remove that URL in the comments form before you hit the ‘submit’ button. And if you have any queries or want more guidance in how to do that, email TWBTC. She can coach you through the process….

      Because we have a team of moderators here on this blog, and we are all busy people, we can’t always guarantee to alter your screen name and remove that URL before we publish your comments. So please do your best to help us. We want you to stay safe, and if your comments are published under your real name with that link to you on that other social media, you are not likely to remain safe if your abuser or his allies are cyber-stalking you.

    • Hi Feeling stuck,
      This is TWBTC (the woman behind the curtain). If you can, email me from a safe email address (one which I can reply to without putting you in danger) at twbtc.acfj@gmail.com and together we will try to clear up some of the confusion regarding your screen name🙂

  24. Mom to Many

    Please pray for justice and peace. I have lost custody of my children due to an abusive man who is like the men you describe on your website. I have been their primary parent since they were born, while we were married as well as through five years of single parenthood. This man lied in court and paid for a custody evaluation with a corrupt psychologist who also was paid to testify against me with lies. He has a history of domestic abuse and even a record of child neglect, but was given custody of my children anyway. I am heartbroken and reeling from the injustice of it all. I am worried for my children and saddened that the court has treated me like a criminal. I was told by the judge if I ever mention the abuse that was perpetrated against me by my abusive ex husband in his courtroom, he would put me in jail. I feel very abandoned and am sad that there seems to be no recourse for something like this. Honestly, I have learned over the years that no one really cares. No one believes these things can and do happen, or at least if they happen, they think that it is because you are leaving something out of the story and you did something wrong.

    • Dear Mom to Many — How awful!
      I will pray for you.

      The injustice this court has delivered to you and your kids — it is an enormity.

      The lying abuser who committed perjury and gets away with it, the corrupt psychologist, the cruel judge… no wonder you are heartbroken and reeling from it all.

      I believe you. We believe you. If only the court believed you. But that court is wilfully blind.

      I wish I could offer you more … but I can’t. It really is that bad.

      On the Day of Judgement, all will be revealed, you will be vindicated, and the liars will be damned.

      Blessed are those who wash their robes, so that they may have the right to the tree of life and that they may enter the city by the gates. Outside are the dogs and sorcerers and the sexually immoral and murderers and idolaters, and everyone who loves and practices falsehood. (Revelation 22:14-15)

      May the Lord come quickly!

    • healinginhim

      Mom To Many — I can’t even imagine your pain. I needed to comment just to let you know that many on this blog do care and hear your pleas. Praying for you and the children and wishing there was more I personally could do. Praying for your discernment; that the Lord will reveal the truth and thwart the wicked enemies in your life.

  25. anon

    Praying for you, Mom to Many! My worst fear is what you are going through and I hurt for you and with you. I’ve had to share custody; can’t imagine losing my daughter to him. I know it can happen at any time. It’s the Father’s Rights groups…I cannot understand how something so evil can continue destroying good people’s lives. May God hold and comfort you and protect your children.

  26. Woman of Shunem

    Quick prayer request. I need wisdom and discernment. Last year a judge ruled for 50-50 timeshare for our pubescent daughter (who has a condition whereby she can’t adequately understand behavioral norms). Her biological father has engaged in what I think is inappropriate behavior.

    I’ve instructed her about appropriate touch, sex, modesty, propriety, etc. because it was his secret-keeping with her about her body that lead to a state investigation a year or so ago. However, the judge wasn’t interested in the state report and never read it (by the judge’s own admission in court). The judge merely asked if any legal line had been crossed. If not, no need to read the details of the report. So my ex- got 50-50 unsupervised timeshare of our child.

    I sent her dad a polite email telling him how I feel and I received a rancid, smack-down reply about how I suffer from “paranoia” and other similar put-downs. He has zero interest in teaching her to care for herself. While I don’t necessarily think he’s after her sexually (though I don’t know he isn’t either), I think it’s more that in his eye she is but a tool to use to get under my skin. I don’t want to be overly troubled where not appropriate, but I struggle greatly with her being in his care, the courts not caring a whit about her condition and actual safety (due to the judge’s own bias as a single father), and feeling so unable to protect her. I thank God she’s been as protected as she has been to date, but I continue to be concerned.

  27. Exhausted

    Please pray for me and my children. I’ve been in an emotional, mental, and financially abusive situation for 14 years. I’m at my wits end, mentally and physically exhausted. He was foreclosed on, now I’m the one facing eviction court. I have no way to provide for me or my children. He suggests that I get a lawyer, in which I can’t afford. Please pray that the Lord will help uh, Thank you.

    • Hi Exhausted,

      Yes, we will pray! I would like to suggest that you contact a local women’s shelter or domestic violence center. They often have knowledge of what services are in the area and other resources that you may find helpful. We find that the shelters and DV community centers are often times very helpful as they are trained and have knowledge and experience in these situations.

      Also, you will notice that I changed your screen name and edited your comments of identifying information. We do this to keep the commenter’s identity anonymous as we have abusers and their allies stalking the blog. May I encourage you to read our New User’s Information page as it gives tips for being safe when commenting on the blog.

    • healinginhim

      Exhausted – Praying for you. So often I have used the term “exhausted” to describe my reality. ((hugs))❤

    • anon

      Just a quick reply to say I will pray for you as well…and see if your city has a pro-bono attorney that you can sign up for. It’s what I used. Although, be aware that they may not always sympathize with you or your situation. I’d also school yourself on the Father’s Rights people so you can be prepared for all that mess. God will lead you and hold you during this time, but get as much information as you can. Welfare, food stamps, subsidized housing, etc., whatever you can get.

    • Dear Exhausted, your prayer request is good.🙂 It reminds me of Psalm 119:81-88

      My soul longs for your salvation;
      I hope in your word.
      My eyes long for your promise;
      I ask, “When will you comfort me?”
      For I have become like a wineskin in the smoke,
      yet I have not forgotten your statutes.
      How long must your servant endure?
      When will you judge those who persecute me?
      The insolent have dug pitfalls for me;
      they do not live according to your law.
      All your commandments are sure;
      they persecute me with falsehood; help me!
      They have almost made an end of me on earth,
      but I have not forsaken your precepts.
      In your steadfast love give me life,
      that I may keep the testimonies of your mouth.

  28. Exhausted

    Thank you so much for your prayers and responding. This means a lot, since I have no family. I have a sister and she’s going thru something similar. We don’t talk much. I will keep in touch and post how things are going. May our Father bless you all, in Christ.

  29. Exhausted

    Thank you Barbara

  30. Torn Asunder

    Please keep my family in your prayers. My family has literally been torn asunder and a woman who sat in church pews started it all – she practices/practiced many things that are not of God, and actively not only pursued my husband, but to abuse my younger two children and destroy my children and family. My younger two children are still in grave danger and their daddy is still lost.

    • Hi dear sister, I changed your screen name to ‘Torn Asunder’ to protect your identity.
      I shall pray.
      Welcome to the blog. We always like to encourage new readers to check out our New Users Info page as it gives tips for how to guard your safety while commenting on the blog.

      If you want us to change your screen name to something else, just email twbtc.acfj@gmail.com

  31. Freedomgirl

    Prayers appreciated, I will soon be having my first real face to face discussion with my ex concerning his treatment of my teen daughter. He is [giving her responsibilities that are not appropriate for her age — details redacted to protect commenter from being identified].

    His anger toward me is being taken out on her and I intend to put a stop to it. Please pray for wisdom, a clear mind, words, and strength/courage to face him and make myself heard. I am my children’s advocate. Thank you.

    • Hi Freedomgirl, I pray it goes well.

      I removed a lot of detail from you comment, for safety’s sake.

      • Freedomgirl

        Thank you, Barbara. I covet the prayers and protection. This site and a precious few others are the only places I know I can be heard and understood. Thank you for what you all do here.

    • healinginhim

      Freedomgirl — Prayers and ((hugs)) as you fight valiantly.❤

      • Freedomgirl

        Thank you, Healinginhim. I appreciate it so much!

  32. anon

    Praying for you all as well.

  33. Freedomgirl

    Thank you all for the prayers. I wasn’t heard at all, but I didn’t wilt and back down, either. Just proves even further to me that there is not one iota of change in him over the last couple years.

    • that’s so typical….
      They stay stuck. We move on; we grow and mature.

  34. One day

    I didn’t understand I was being abused. But I knew something was seriously not right. Through therapy I’m putting the pieces back together. We have continued to be abused through the court. He wanted it to go to trial and said so from the beginning. So for 2 years I’ve been fighting him. And that’s where we are. The kids and I are tired of the instability. And even when it’s over. It won’t be.

    • Dear “OneDay” — your comment is so poignant. I honour you for continuing to fight for justice and truth, or at least a reasonable approximation of that (knowing that the courts are most unlikely to believe all the truth and give you full justice).

    • And welcome to the blog “One day”🙂
      We always like to encourage new readers to check out our New Users Info page as it gives tips for how to guard your safety while commenting on the blog.

  35. Not really Scared anymore!!

    Hey, just needing prayer. My dad was just diagnosed with acute leukemia and will probably choose to enter hospice which will give him about a month. Please pray for wisdom with juggling cats/kids/ flights across the country. Pray for his salvation. Pray for my mom and sibling who are basket cases because of this news. Pray that my ex will not get any wind of this and will not try to interpose himself in the situation in anyway. Pray for my kids, especially for my oldest who is feeling very lonely at college.

    • BecomingButterfiles

      My heart goes out to you. Just lost my mom to lung/brain cancer last year. It is so tough. Lifting you up in prayer as I type. May God wrap his comforting arms around your whole family!

  36. healinginhim

    Not really Scared anymore!! — Praying for your very delicate family situation. Extending ((hugs)).❤

  37. BecomingButterflies

    If you all could pray for me and my daughter. I have been trying for three or four years now to get a job so I could get away from my husband, but I can’t even get to the interview phase. I had no trouble getting interviews when I was younger before leaving my job to homeschool my daughter. If I could get an interview, I had the job.

    I thought maybe I could file for separation and spousal support so I would then have the money to move out, but found out Thursday at a court workshop that I can’t file if my husband and I are still living at the same address (at least in the state where I live that is the new law). I have no job or money so I had to move back here. No one else would take me. So what to do.

    All the shelters in my area told me I couldn’t be helped because I my daughter is older than 16. However, Friday I did get one shelter to tell me that they would take ME, but not my daughter and that she was probably too old for the safe haven program for teens. I’m not going anywhere without my daughter. She is one of my main reasons for leaving. In addition I was told that emotional abuse/controlling/manipulating did not meet their definition of violence or abuse.

    I keep looking for guidance from the Lord, but none seems to be forth coming. The pastor we were meeting with suggested that maybe God wasn’t speaking to me because He has already said what needs to be said in His Word (context of women must reconcile and God Hates divorce, yada yada).

    It just seems like God won’t let me leave. Every time I try to break away something happens to force me back here. So maybe I do need to repent and submit.

    • All the shelters in my area told me I couldn’t be helped because I my daughter is older than 16. However, Friday I did get one shelter to tell me that they would take ME, but not my daughter and that she was probably too old for the safe haven program for teens. I’m not going anywhere without my daughter. She is one of my main reasons for leaving. In addition I was told that emotional abuse/controlling/manipulating did not meet their definition of violence or abuse.

      That’s awful! I think those shelter policies are just plain wrong — unfair and unjust. I am guessing (hoping) that they have imposed those policies only because they are so underfunded that they can give shelter only to the most at-risk victims. Sigh!

      The laws in your State are unfair to victims of domestic abuse. Where I live, the law AND the government welfare payments system allows a wife to be separated from her husband while still living under the same roof as her husband. She can obtain welfare payments as a separated wife, even though she’s still living under the same roof as him. She can also obtain a protection order against her husband while still living under the same roof as him. Your State’s laws need to be improved to give more support and justice to victims of domestic abuse.

      I urge you not to interpret this state of affairs as “God won’t let you leave.”
      I’m sure that God is not at all happy about how the shelter system is given so little funding and how the laws in your state are so unhelpful to victims of domestic abuse!

      And I am absolutely sure you do not need to ‘repent and submit’.

      • BecomingButterflies

        Thanks Barbara for your kind reply.

        You said “That’s awful! I think those shelter policies are just plain wrong — unfair and unjust. I am guessing (hoping) that they have imposed those policies only because they are so underfunded that they can give shelter only to the most at-risk victims. Sigh!”

        I had not thought of that and I’m glad you pointed it out. It is probably true that they restrict because of overcrowding. One local shelter takes interviews and puts families on a waiting list that takes 6 month – a year before you can get into their program. It is the only one here locally and there is SO much need in this area. If I had thought to plan a year ago I would be out of here by now, but I didn’t have very good counsel when I fled that time. This time I will do it right, and be done with it once and for all.

        Wondering, also, if we could move out of state and still qualify for help in another state.

        Doing a lot of reading and praying. God says He will make a way, so I am waiting and looking for it.

      • Traddy

        [Eds: In this comment, Traddy is talking about her own experience. Please do not take it as legal advice that applies across the board. The laws vary from place to place and we encourage readers to research their own situation and options and get legal advice pertinent to their own situation, especially if they have children.]

        I moved out of state into another state. But it was failure to thrive emotionally. [If you are going to do that] call first and get to know the hotline and resources for the state. [In my case I found that] for the purpose of taxes [it was better to] move prior to the six month mark in any given year to get help with earned income credit. If you have children find out the legalities first. I put my child in a school out of state, then moved to join her. If you can get a job transfer this is a good reason, try to have a good reason why you have to move out of state in case of court issues. Know your legal rights and what can and might happen. there is no way to circumnavigate anything without a lot of pain. I never had a support network, [I encourage others to] try to find one first. Visit the area. Get to know everything you can. Vacation there, maybe consider a place where you already have supportive friends or family this helps… [If you are financially stressed, it may help to] find a place with bussing, food stores, libraries, schools, etc in close proximity so you can live cheaply…be wary of the crime rate.

  38. Stephanie

    I’m celebrating 6 months of freedom from my mentally abusive, repeatedly unfaithful husband (a former minister). In our state wives are given 70% of jointly held assets if there has been infidelity. There has been, but he is hiding it well and many in the community are hiding the fact for him. Some evidence is becoming clearer. There are a few conversations going on in the next day or so that will shed light on things. Please pray for truth to be made clear and what is hidden made plain. My husband is the most extraordinary liar I have ever met and is trying to hide assets and keep me from even the minimum financial provision granted by the state as well as hiding his long term mistress. I have three teens to take care of. Pray he won’t get custody or visitation. God has saved me from wanting to take my own life. I know he can also provide for my future and bring justice in this.

    • healinginhim

      Praying for your many burdens, Stephanie.
      “Please pray for truth to be made clear and what is hidden made plain.” –YES!– THIS IS THE PRAYER that we cry out to our loving Lord and Savior.

  39. anon

    Praying for you! I always pray for Truth and Light because the enemy has no place in either! I hate how these liars keep winning in the world. Won’t they be surprised when they see what God really has for them at the end of this life? He also saved me from ending my own life. We are strong in Him. God bless you as you go through this battle with Jesus by your side.

  40. Seeing the Light

    I am asking for prayer for some medical tests I have to have tomorrow. I am my kids’ only line of defense between them and their father so I get very unsettled when I think of anything happening to me while they are still minors. I have serious chronic health problems already. Would you please pray for me that the testing indicates nothing serious is wrong? God bless ACFJ, Jeff, Barb, and all the women out here.

  41. Traddy

    [In my experience] the DV shelters are not always able to give the right helps, they are limited. [And in my experience] the courts are against the victims, women are not being properly represented now, and there are people who are using this as a platform to harm so its not always good to send people into the system. But what other choices do they have?

    We have psychologists overusing diagnoses and dispensing meds too liberally, and there is a danger to the woman. We suffer PTSD and then are believed to not be able to raise the children… so they are lost…our churches turn against us, the whole crisis is a maddening insane no where to run no where to go nowhere to hide nowhere to feel safe nowhere to be safe.

  42. Traddy

    We need to consider that if women (and abused men) in each state had a safe town or village where they could live and work in common (not leaving their state of origin unless absolutely necessary for sake of legalities) with counselors, therapists, advisers and good pastoral guidance, with community fellowship we might do a better job at healing and raising the wounded children ( including ourselves) If the men moved nearby their healthy or unhealthy interests in the children could be better monitored by multiples of concerned people. think community gardens, and health care centers, etc…little schools, all about the family, all about nurturing and growth and nipping the domestic evil in bud. We could pool resources, and might even screen the families if there are limited apartment or rental units and make certain they fit the need category. This would help the woman in court, how can they not respect a person with enough helps in place…? And if her pro family joins her, and they are also of good mind you get a well rounded community…all about healing, nurturance, guidance. Do I dare to dream such places?

    • Jeff Crippen

      Traddy – An excellent dream that in fact should already be a reality – it is called the church. Local churches could rather easily become such communities of resources and protection. IF they were true churches, truly knew Christ, and thus truly saw this evil and protected the victims.

  43. Mom in custody battle

    Pray Request for a custody battle that I am fighting with a abusive husband that has my Child and a very messy divorce I am going though with him. I pray that will keep him from influence my child the way he did and that he stops filling my child’s head with lies about me.

    • Dear Mom in custody battle, I will pray.

      Welcome to the blog🙂 We always like to encourage new readers to check out our New Users Info page as it gives tips for how to guard your safety while commenting on the blog.

      I changed your screen name to ‘Mom in custody battle’ as a precaution. If you want us to change it to something else, just email The woman behind the curtain: twbtc.acfj@gmail.com — she will be more than happy to assist.🙂

      If you comment here again, please try to ensure that the fields (little boxes) in the comments form do not give a name or a URL that could identify you. The blog is public and we wouldn’t want your abuser to be able to identify you as a commenter here. Especially while you are in the midst of a custody battle…

    • Seeing the Light

      I am praying for you, too, Mom In Custody Battle.

  44. TryingToDecide

    Hello,
    I am trying to decide if I should continue in a job that is taking all my time and energy but would bring me a good paycheck….while my children stay home with abuser and they connect with him more and more..or continue to work a far less paying job and try to divorce even as I would earn so far less. Will you please pray for me?

    • Hi — welcome to the blog🙂 I shall pray as you requested.

      We always like to encourage new readers to check out our New Users Info page as it gives tips for how to guard your safety while commenting on the blog.

      I changed your screen name to TryingToDecide as a precaution (you had used what looked like your real name). If you want us to change the screen name to something else, just email The woman behind the curtain: twbtc.acfj@gmail.com — she will be more than happy to assist.🙂

  45. Jenny

    For Barbara & ‘Lost’, I read ‘Lost’ plea. With my experience it is possible the father is sexually abusing the children since birth and has absolute control over them…

    I experience this with a dad that tortured them as babies to instill absolute fear/control and as they grew and were grounded in his atrocities he gave them treats that mom didn’t allow. .. The children went from holding onto mom when she was going out the door and he was wanting them to stay with him while mom was gone… to (older) crying for him because he manipulated their relationships to be that of rivals to mom… as he wrenched mom’s identity from her (she was well educated…)

    I pray ‘Lost’ takes her children with her, if at all possible… many tears for the children…

  46. Anotheranon

    I have a difficult task ahead this week that will require a lot out of me physically and emotionally. And even as I plan for this, my husband is trying to sabotage it. Please pray that I will keep focused on the Lord and His will for me during this time. I get very distracted with so much going on in my life.
    Thanks to all the prayer warriors on this site!

    • Praying, Anotheranon!

    • healinginhim

      Anotheranon — Praying for you. ((hugs))❤

      • Anotheranon

        My “event” went pretty well, considering that my nwh (never-was-husband) was there. He gave me a little bit of a hard time but I had several people with me supporting me. And I felt the presence of the Lord so much through this whole week. Thanks to all who prayed for me!

      • Great to hear!

  47. StrugglingMom

    Please pray for my teenage son. His dad (my ex) is a narcissistic abuser (I finally now have a name for what he is doing!). My 15 year old had a significant personality change, and became violent and aggressive to me recently. He moved in with his dad, and has deep, strong anger against me. His dad has been smearing me and hooking me for years. Now my son is channeling his dad. I also have a younger son, who loves Jesus.
    My teenage son agreed to a psych eval today (if I pay for it). Please pray The Lord will use it to bring insight and Truth to what is going on. He and I used to be very close. He used to love Jesus. I don’t recognize him anymore. He won’t talk to me. We have an appt today, please pray!
    Thanks, and God Bless,

    • Hi StrugglingMom,

      Yes, praying for your situation!!!

      Welcome to the blog. I edited your comment a bit to protect your identity. Also, I changed your screen name to StrugglingMom as a precaution. If you want me to change it to something else, just email me at twbtc.acfj@gmail.com

      It’s not a good idea to use your real name on this site unless you are safe. We also like to encourage new readers to read our New Users Info page as it gives tips for guarding your safety while commenting on the blog.

    • Hi StrugglingMom it’s really tough when our kids start modelling themselves on the abuser. I feel for you. I hope the psych thing goes well, but don’t be all that surprised if if doesn’t. Many people who work in mental health are not trained to identify abusive tactics and the abuser’s mindset. Dr George Simon Jr is a psychologist we highly recommend. You may like to look up his blog (see hte link in our sidebar) and his books (see our resources tab) and also we have a tag for him (see the tags tab in the top menu).

      I understand what you mean about your son ‘channeling’ his dad. I observed my daughter doing that for several years, while she was having visitation with her father. It was awful having her come back from visiting him… what would pour out of her mouth was all the exact same critisms of me that he used to say to me when we were still together. The only topic of conversation they had when she was with him was ‘how awful mummy is’. So no wonder she poured it all out at me when she came back.

      And with your son living with his dad, not just visiting him, he will be absorbing even more of his dad’s toxic thinking and belief system. There may not be much you can do about this for the moment — though it’s worth trying. But if you find you can’t influence your son, don’t blame yourself. If your son is choosing to walk in the steps of his father, you don’t have power to change that. Maybe one day your son will wake up. I hope so. But my point is, don’t blame yourself if you can’t be the one who brings him to wake up at this point…

      also, here are some posts that you may find helpful:

      Defiant Boys

      A child who was allied to the abuser but then came back to the non-abusive parent — a post by Cindy Burrell

      When the kids blame the victim too

      One Son’s Journey to Seeing the Truth about his Abusive Father

      Male Privilege is the underlying driver of domestic abuse. — Ken Lay, former Police Commissioner

      Teaching Children The Ten Commandments Of Character

      • healinginhim

        StrugglingMom — I can relate to your situation. Mine involves extended family members whom my adult children choose to associate with. I didn’t realize I was living what some counselors would call “shock” or “the fog” because it was too painful to accept that all the children turned against me and believed the twisted stories of relatives.
        ACFJ brought clarity and much needed affirmation. An example would be of Barbara’s recent reply to you. Her reply to you is also what I needed to hear again, “But my point is, don’t blame yourself if you can’t be the one who brings him to wake up at this point…” The links provided will be beneficial for me and others who are still grieving the loss of relationship with children affected by abuse.
        StrugglingMom – Praying for you.

  48. ahn

    Prayer that justice will be done my husband is currently in jail for abuse towards another woman, he still has not fully repented to God only wants to get out of jail for his own freedom and not because of change, I love my husband and I pray that God will change his mind and heart in all areas he’s done a lot .. I pray God will work on him while he is forced to pay for what’s he’s done in Jesus name I ask amen

    • Welcome to the blog🙂 I changed your screen name to ahn, as a precaution. If you want us to change it to something else, just email The woman behind the curtain: twbtc.acfj@gmail.com — she will be more than happy to assist.🙂

      We always like to encourage new readers to check out our New Users Info page as it gives tips for how to guard your safety while commenting on the blog.

      I hope you stick around and read more on this blog. There are many posts and resources here that you may find useful.
      I think you will find it a supporting community.

  49. healinginhim

    Covet prayers. So tired of the lukewarm and sarcastic tone from visiting with adult children who favor ‘him’ … my heart is breaking and feeling great guilt because I don’t even desire to visit with them.😦
    The man that I married continues to be content to live ‘here’ and enjoy the day-long visits with the adult children and grandchildren while I receive a couple of 2-3 hour visits. In some cases there is very little talk or they talk to each other and exclude me.
    (sigh) … they are doing this because then they can at least tell others that they ‘visit with their mother’. Is this visiting?? What about sincere loving mother to child relationships?? They spend more time with his side of the family than with me. I don’t mind that; just don’t put on a public display of “visiting with mom”.
    I’m also great pressure at a job to ‘get along’ with a co-worker who has made personal remarks concerning my life. Pray that I would have the wisdom and fortitude to glorify the Lord in these circumstances.

    • yahnilife

      Prayers for you,its hard going through emotional abuse from our children,I been there my children have treated me as if I was not mom at all. … praying for healing in your relationship with your children in Jesus name we ask amen

    • …feeling great guilt because I don’t even desire to visit with them.😦

      sounds like that ole false-guilt has got you by the throat again😦

      I think your non-desire to visit with them is perfectly understandable. When someone treats us with disdain, we don’t desire to see the much if at all!

  50. healinginhim

    yahnilife — Thank you for praying. I’ll be praying for you, too. Only the Lord knows the intentions of the heart. My concern is that I don’t become an enabler to the abuse?

    Barbara — Thank you for confirming the fact of not desiring to see those who treat us with disdain. There is so much pressure from ‘well-meaning’ folk who keep reminding me of unconditional love, however their description of this love never seems to imply that they get involved and support me in getting through the trials that face me.
    Thankful to have ACFJ and a few other ‘friends’ I can turn to for prayer and support.

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