A Cry For Justice

Awakening the Evangelical Church to Domestic Violence and Abuse in its Midst

How you can help

How can I help spread the word?

Click on the above link for suggestions and ideas

 

16 Comments

  1. anonymous30

    Hi i cant believe this website! For two years ive been living with the shocking after effects of a relationship with an abusive and sick christian man. It destroyed me in so many ways and im not the same person i used to be before i met him. I didnt realize that this was so common in christian relationships that there are other women out there who have been through this too! Its been so lonely and horrific. I dont/wont go to church anymore after what happened. Will tell my story too at some point. And thank you everybody for sharing your experiences, what an amazing and much needed website!

    • Hi Anonymous30,
      Welcome to the blog! Thank you for commenting and we look forward to hearing more from you as you are able and feel it is safe. Unfortunately, it is far too common – abusers hiding behind the facade of christianity.

      You mentioned that you don’t attend church. You will find that a number of the blog readers don’t attend a traditional building church either. You may be interested to know that Pastor Crippen has a 21-sermon series on the topic of domestic violence and abuse. You can find a link to his sermons on our New Users’ page. Also, this page gives good tips for staying safe when you comment on the blog, which we recommend to all our new readers.

      Again, Welcome!!

  2. loves6

    Bless you … I felt the same way when I came across this blog. … I have found this place to be enlightening, encouraging and God has used it to open my eyes. I’ve been on here now for nearly two years. Still in my marriage but very close to leaving.

  3. Freedom in Christ

    My pastor wants me to reconcile with my abusive husband. Also other pastors before have said the same thing. Thankyou for your work and affirming my decision to separate and divorce. How can I help to get education out to our Christian pastors? Thankyou.

    • Hi, you will notice I gave u a new screen name, to guard your safety. Search the search bar for ‘Open Letter to Pastors’ and u will find a post by Ps Crippen that is aimed at wakening up pastors to this issue. And also his new book Unholy Charade wd be very good for patrons to read, if u can persuade them to do so. Also I advise u as a new commenter to read our New Users Info page as it gives safety tips for commenting here. Welcome to the blog ! 🙂

    • Hesed

      How can you reconcile to someone that hasn’t turned away from his sin? God can’t do that.
      If he has, or truly repented, and his actions are in line with his words, reconciliation is possible. But we cannot be reconciled to something that hasn’t changed. Jesus isn’t only concerned about “marriage”. He is concerned about each individual in that marriage. He died for us, giving us value. If the other person continues to sin against us, there is no fellowship.

  4. Freedom in Christ

    I want to help in any way that I can to educate our church leaders. I’ve tried to give some education materials to my own pastors but they still want me to “wait on the Lord” even though I’ve told them about all the abuse in our household. I’ve separated from my husband, and they tell me not to divorce because “God hates divorce”. I don’t want another Christian woman to stay in bond age because of this type of counsel. My husband broke my sternum, I could’ve died, and yet my pastors think “God can change him” and that my goal should be to “reconcile the marriage ” — because my husband is good (as abusers are) at feigning repentance. However, women who have lived it, and people like you who understand abusers can make a difference in getting education to our pastors. However I can help, giving my testimony etc. Please

    • Hi Freedom in Christ
      Like you, we wish pastors and the church at large would become more informed about domestic abusers. But for that to happen, the need to become aware that they need to be more informed, and then they need to be willing to learn and to believe to the testimony of victim-survivors. Too often, they are not willing to do that. Your experience with your pastor is similar to what we hear from many many women. And many victims of domestic abuse long to help prevent others from going through what they have gone through!

      And please do read our New Users’ Info page — especially the guidance there about screen names and how to guard your safety on this blog. I had to change your screen name again before publishing your comment as it lookeed like you had given your real name. 🙂

  5. imsetfree

    Is there any website I can go to if I’m in crisis and need to talk things through? I live in Europe and there aren’t many things in my country?

    • There may be such a website or sites, or hotline phone numbers that you might find helpful, but I do not know of any particular ones. However if you dig into the Hotpeach website you may find something.

      We have that page listed in the Hotlines section of our Resources, where we call it the International Directory of Domestic Violence Agencies (information in 80+ languages).

  6. Michael Affleck

    Absolutely one of the best resources EVER on the internet for both men and women. I applaud your selfless efforts Barbara to get the word out and am enjoying your book. You are truly working for the King of Kings!

    I married at 26 and enjoyed 41 years in a wonderful marriage, to a wonderful woman. We knew every minute that the Lord had loaned us our love and we thanked Him for it at every opportunity. For reasons I do not fully understand, the Lord took her instantly last year while alone in her automobile. I praise Him that she was doing His work in children’s ministry at the time, that she was at the top of her game, and that she went to be with Him in seconds.

    Separation takes many forms, and yet, we are born into it as a result of our broken world. I became interested in the subject of divorce and remarriage many years ago as I saw many friends and relatives having difficulties. I am actually the only product of a union that resulted in the breakup of both my parent’s first marriages. I remember making the conscious decision that “the buck stops here”.

    After seminary, and during the first years of marriage I took, by default, the position that John Piper now has. Since then, I have come to see things quite differently and I realize that there exists, in the church, a ‘boy’s club’ that supports itself by perpetuating the myth that a husband’s love for his wife is conditional on her obedience; even to the extent of force if necessary. I now believe that Christian wives are spiritually hard-wired to follow love, not leadership.

    Recently I have met someone who has been a victim and whose only hope in her dark days has been the Lord. I am glad I did my homework sooner than later. It seems we have hit it off! Perhaps I will send you good news in the future?

    God does not penalize the innocent with the guilty.

    To all wives who are victims: Proverbs 3:5-6
    To all Christian husbands: Ephesians 5:25

    • Thank you from the bottom of my heart, Michael Affleck!

      Yeah, please let us know how things go … she will possibly have triggers that unexpectedly come up as you are getting to know each other more … and how you together / each deal with them will be of interest to our readers, if you want to share it. 🙂

      And every tragic story that is followed by a new story of god-honouring happiness can give encouragement to our readers.

  7. SeekingHim

    I have read Barb’s book “Not Under Bondage” and my elders have also. It has been very helpful. My church has played out church discipline with my husband. My husband has gone to another church and has not repented. My church has spent 4 years trying to help my husband with his abusive ways. My elders believe that I have biblical ground for divorce.

    All this to say, there is a book on divorce and is it possible to get your advice on whether this book is accurate biblically and a good read for abusive situations? It is called “Redemptive Divorce” by Mark W. Gaither. Have other people asked about this book?

    • Hi SeekingHim, sorry to take so long to publish and reply to your comment.

      I read Redemptive Divorce years ago, around the time I was writing my own book as I recall. I’ve skimmed it again, and checked the places which I’d underlined or marked in the margin from last time, and I’ve marked a few more places this second time around.

      The book is NOT recommended for domestic abuse situations. In fact, the author himself says this in chapter eight of his book — though unfortunately when doing so he uses the term ‘domestic violence’ rather than ‘domestic abuse’ which is unhelpful as it recycles the myth that only physical violence counts as abuse.

      I actually emailed the author after I’d read his book, telling him that I wished he’d put right at the start of his book a statement that it was not suitable for cases where the marriage was on the rocks because one spouse was abusing the other. He replied saying that my suggestion was good, and he would be putting something on his site as a caveat to advise potential readers that his book wasn’t suitable for abusive marriages. I”m not sure whether he has yet done this, but he hadn’t done it last time a survivor checked for me (some years ago).

      Is the book accurate biblically? In some things yes, but I don’t agree with Gaither’s interpretation of Jesus’ conversation with the Pharisees (Matt 19, Mark 10). And there were a few other places where I thought he didn’t properly represent the relationship between the old and new testaments.

  8. SeekingHim

    Thank-you for the review of the Redemptive Divorce book. I appreciate it. The book that you have written Barb is one of the most deep books I have read. It is thorough and addresses all of the questions a person has. It was like you read my mind. Thank-you for that, it has helped me to come to a decision. Blessings to you!!!

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