A Cry For Justice

Awakening the Evangelical Church to Domestic Violence and Abuse in its Midst

Don’t Let a Hypocrite Make You Think You are a Second Rate Christian

We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise. (2 Cor 10:12 NIV)

Many domestic abusers parade as eminently “holy” Christians, the pillar of their church, the greatest servant in the flock, the…..well, you know how this charade goes. In their quest for their drug of choice (power and control) they put on a masterful disguise, perhaps as a father who is the finest example of Christian fathering and husbanding in the land. Others in the church even wish that they could be as godly as he, and their children as respectful and obedient as this fellow’s. The women of the church strive to be the kind of saintly wife this man’s wife is, yielding to their man’s every wish. The men of the church see him as an example to emulate. If only their wives would submit more easily.

And others even doubt their own salvation or at minimum see themselves as second or third rate Christians in the Lord’s eyes because they think they fall soooo short of this man’s example. The whole thing is a SHAM! Do not be taken in by it. The spirit of bondage and fear are what reign in such a man’s home, not the Spirit of liberty in Jesus Christ.

Listen to these words by John Flavel, a pastor of long ago. I have changed the wording a bit to update the old English –

Do not say that you have no grace because of the high attainments of some hypocrites who, in some things, may excel you. When some persons read the sixth chapter of the Epistle to the Hebrews, they are startled to see to what a glorious height the hypocrite may soar. But the true Christian in fact excels the most “glorious” hypocrite in the world in at least three ways:

  1. Self is never de-throned in hypocrites, as it is in the true Christian. ALL that the hypocrite does is for himself.
  2. The hypocrite NEVER hated every sin, as does the true Christian, but always retains some Agag, Rimmon, or Delilah for his own.
  3. The hypocrite NEVER acted nor does he ever act out of duty from the leading of his new nature by the Spirit of Christ, taking delight in heavenly things. Rather, he is moved like an old clock by the weight of some external motive or advantage.

[End of Flavel]

In other words, like the Pharisee, the abuser who pretends holiness is white on the outside but is full of rotten, decaying, stinking evil in his heart. This is his true being. For all of his heights of “godliness,” he does not know Christ nor does Christ know him. He may cite detailed passages from Christian writers of old. He may have myriads of Bible verses memorized. He may appear to be able to carefully discuss some theological issue or debate. He may even use lofty words in public prayers so that listeners exclaim how pious this man must be.


It is ALL a sham. Every bit of it. He does not have the love of Christ in him. All that he does, he does for glorification of himself. If ever his supply line of praise and adoration, of control and power over others, is cut off — you can be sure that amid many threatenings and gnashing of teeth, he will move on to feed elsewhere, taking as many gullible ones with him as he can.

The simplest, newest Christian is infinitely more valuable in the Lord’s eyes than the most polished hypocrite. Be sure of it. Do not be deceived. He has never known what you know. He remains dead in his sins.

For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, (Rom 8:14-16)

Living with an Abuser is Like Rooming with a Cobra

“Their throat is an open grave; they use their tongues to deceive.” “The venom of asps is under their lips.” “Their mouth is full of curses and bitterness.” “Their feet are swift to shed blood; in their paths are ruin and misery, and the way of peace they have not known.” (Rom 3:13-17)

A few years ago we were riding our bicycles along an old railroad bed (tracks long since removed) that goes from the mouth of the Deschutes River (pronounce it De-shoots) at the Columbia River some 17 miles along the Deschutes. It is east of the Cascade Mountain range here in Oregon so that means the climate and landscape are quite different from the greenery on the west side. Sagebrush, not too many trees, much hotter and so on.

Anyway, as I was cruising along I looked ahead and right in the middle of the track there were two snakes near a rocky outcropping. As I got a bit closer I could see that they were in fact Northern Pacific rattlesnakes. They didn’t scurry off right away and I had my firearm along and thought about blasting them so no one would get bitten but decided not to when they slowly moved off the track and back into the rocks.

How do you feel when you come across a rattlesnake? Or, for that matter, if your idea of snakes is like mine, when you come across ANY kind of snake? I can tell you. Your danger warning signs start to go into gear. Heart rate kicks up a bit. Nervous feeling. Caution warnings. You are in the presence of danger, at least with a venomous snake. They have fangs, and poison, and they can kill you.

Now, I hear that most snakes would just as soon clear out and get away from you. Rattlesnakes even have a rattler that buzzes and says “keep away or I will bite you.” But I understand that there are a few species who are very aggressive, the black mamba in Africa being one of those. Those suckers will come right at you and their venom makes rattlesnake venom look like a bee sting.

Abusers are like poisonous snakes. Specifically, they are much more like the mamba than the more docile rattler. No warning buzz. No slinking off away from you. Nope. Abusers have, as the Apostle Paul states in the text above (a quote from the Psalms by the way) the venom of asps hidden under their lips. They’ve got fangs you see. And the Bible calls these kind revilers. Want to know what the Lord thinks of revilers? Here you go:

For God commanded, ‘Honor your father and your mother,’ and, ‘Whoever reviles father or mother must surely die.’ (Mat 15:4)

But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler—not even to eat with such a one. (1 Cor 5:11)

Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. (1 Cor 6:9-10)

The Greek lexicon (dictionary) defines this word translated “reviler” as  reviler,  an abusive person. So much for the wooden literalist interpreters who demand we show them THE word “abuse” in the Bible. Well, here it is. Reviler. Abuser.  Reviling is more than just “talking back to one’s parents.” It is mocking. It is holding in contempt. It is cursing someone. It is biting and burying poison-filled fangs into them. In other words, reviling is verbal assault with murderous intent. And that is what abuse is.

So, with this all in our minds, let us ask this question — How many churches are allowing murderers to sit in their pews? How many churches have venomous snakes holding hymnals, making public prayers, preaching sermons, counting the offering and generally playing the role of the finest saint of God Sunday after Sunday? You know the answer.

One final thought about the reviler:

The nursing child shall play over the hole of the cobra, and the weaned child shall put his hand on the adder’s den. (Isa 11:8)

Apparently even a cobra is redeemable. The reviler who plays the Christian masquerade? I will bet on the cobra before the reviler.

Binding the Strong Man — Dr Liam Goligher’s 8th sermon on the book of Esther.

Binding the strong man
Esther 8:1–17


Esther is in the cockpit of the battle between the kingdom of darkness and the kingdom of Our Lord, and at this part of the story she is facing possibly the greatest part of the battle.

Hamaan, the antichrist figure, was hoist on his own petard. He has been trying to eradicate the Jews but he is caught in his own trap. Hamaan is a type of the great dragon in Revelation 12 waiting for the woman to give birth to the child when just as he was about to pounce, the child was spirited away.

Reversal of fortunes — poetic justice

Jesus’ being hung on the Cross spelled the embarrassment, the failure, the ridicule of all of His enemies:  

He disarmed the rulers and authorities and put them to open shame, by triumphing over them in him. (Colossians 2:15 ESV)

In a prefigurement of this, Hamaan this antichrist figure is put to open shame. King Asheuerus has Hamaan hung on the guillotine which Hamaan had built to kill Mordecai. And the King gives Esther all the goods of the house of Hamaan. She was originally a nobody — an orphan taken as a sex-slave into the King’s hareem and sequestered from the world — and now she owns all of Hamaan’s wealth!

Esther tells the King what Mordecai was to her: how he had brought her up and earnestly cared for her even from a distance while she was in the hareem. This makes the king feel even more gratitude to Mordecai, so he exalts Mordecai to be his prime minister.

But the Jews were still in danger. The law of the Medes and Persians cannot be revoked, and the edict for the annihilation of the Jews still stands. Esther bravely takes another initiative: she falls at the King’s feet pleading for him to revoke the edict. She is under less tension because she herself is no longer in danger, so the dam bursts — she weeps. She intercedes with emotion… and the King reaches out the royal sceptre, giving her permission to speak. So she masters her emotions and use courtly language to beg for her people:

“If it please the king, and if I have found favor in his sight, and if the thing seems right before the king, and I am pleasing in his eyes, let an order be written to revoke the letters devised by Haman the Agagite, the son of Hammedatha, which he wrote to destroy the Jews who are in all the provinces of the king.”

And with all her diplomatic courtly language, her passion still comes through:

“For how can I bear to see the calamity that is coming to my people? Or how can I bear to see the destruction of my kindred?”

Her intercession is successful; reversal of fortunes now comes to all the Jews, the people of God.

Then King Ahasuerus said to Queen Esther and to Mordecai the Jew, “Behold, I have given Esther the house of Haman, and they have hanged him on the gallows, because he intended to lay hands on the Jews. But you may write as you please with regard to the Jews, in the name of the king, and seal it with the king’s ring, for an edict written in the name of the king and sealed with the king’s ring cannot be revoked.”

So Mordecai composes another law, a law that contradicts the law which Hamaan had written. This law empowers the Jews to gather and defend their lives against all their enemies. At each point Hamaan’s edict is undone by Mordecai’s edict.

It is a picture of how the law of sin and death is undone by Jesus the Messiah.

In the light of a king’s face there is life, and his favor is like the clouds that bring the spring rain. (Proverbs 16:15)

The church’s response to feminism has swung the pendulum too far the other way and it is LEADING TO ABUSE!

I have been a Christian woman for over 20 years…married to an unbeliever that had an abusive domineering earthly father. I thought my husband was a Christian when we married, only to find out later that I did not know him well at all. Fast-forward to a few years ago, my husband accepted Christ. At first, I saw a new creation before my eyes. This man was learning and growing in the Lord. I was amazed and our relationship was getting better.

We began attending a church of my husband’s choice (I was just so stinkin excited to see him go to church at all) that began teaching these “TrueWoman” type ways. John Piper and Nancy Lee Demoss seem to be the true leadership by way of our pastor jumping on to their points of view. My husband quickly started domineering in our home. He wanted submission from his wife and children. He wanted us to sit at his feet and learn from him. He wanted support and adoration from everyone. He wanted service and loyalty. Everything became HIS way. He knew BEST in EVERYTHING. He began to want more and more sex. He frequently criticized our sexual encounters. I wasn’t “into enough”. I didn’t seem like I adored him enough. I wasn’t loving him enough.

I sank into a deep depression. I began to see God differently than ever before. I felt like God was ONLY for my husband and not for me unless I was more obedient…more submissive…more adoring. I began to see myself as only a person in regards to my husband. Not an individual loved my Christ. I didn’t even feel like a human being anymore. Only a servant…and a terrible one at that. I don’t go to church anymore. I can’t pray. I don’t trust God. I struggle so hard to believe He loves me anymore. I don’t know what the future holds and I am scared for my salvation.

This message NEEDS to get out there. Something is happening in the church and I don’t think it is good. There has been such a HUGE counter response to feminism that the pendulum has swung back the other way and it is LEADING TO ABUSE!!! They don’t see it. But it is happening in homes everywhere. Women are being told to be quiet and submit and men think THEIR WAY is God ordained. The signals are getting crossed and this may just ruin more marriages than it hopes to fix. I CAN NOT send a BIGGER warning to the church that they are silently killing their women and promoting their men to idol status. Please…someone with a voice…speak out for us little women with no voice. I pray God removes this veil from my eyes. I pray He sticks up for his daughters with this toxic message.


We have posted this with the permission of the author, who uses the screen name Toiler. Thank you very much, Toiler, for your courage in giving us permission to post your words here.  We honour and applaud you for having such a strong desire to get the message out to the churches.

We believe you. We support you. We stand with you. We want to assure you that God loves you, and that your zeal for justice and truth show that you are a loyal follower of Christ. We don’t blame you for not attending church at the moment. Why attend a church which has so egregiously failed to protect you and support you—a church which has fuelled the entitlement mentality of your abusive husband!

Related posts:

“Christian” Enabling of the Abuser Increases His Attacks on the Victim

How complementarianism can magnify the entitlement mentality of men, making them worse

Thursday Thought — Lundy Bancroft: Strategies for Healing from Domestic Abuse & Avoiding Abusers

As many of you know we highly recommend Lundy Bancroft and his books.  (His books are listed on our Resources.) In addition to his books, we also have made our readers aware of youtube videos of presentations by Lundy.

Today we wanted to highlight a YouTube podcast Strategies for Healing from Domestic Abuse & Avoiding Abusers in which Lundy is interviewed by Stephani Roberts at the Audacious Life website.  This is a helpful interview, but we do include the following caveat.


Lundy talks a bit about healing after a destructive relationship. We need to advise our readers that Lundy is not a Christian and he mentions yoga and meditation as healing modalities that some survivors have found helpful. He also mentions same sex relationships and how abuse can happen in those too.

As a Christian site, we do not recommend yoga or meditation and we certainly don’t recommend same-sex relationships. We know our readers already understand that, but we have to say it anyway so that our detractors can’t attack us for appearing to endorse those things. The rest of what Lundy say is very helpful, and we thank him very much for his contribution to helping victims and survivors of domestic abuse.

In the interview, Lundy talks about his book Daily Wisdom from Why Does He Do That?  [affiliate link*]. He also talks about red flags to watch out for in new relationships and danger signs that you might be dating an abuser. And he warns against the risk of getting into a new relationship without having processed the old one first.

There is a bit of promo material at the beginning and end of the program. By sharing this interview we do not wish to give the impression that we endorse (or don’t endorse) the Audacious Life site altogether. We simply haven’t checked it out.


Lundy Bancroft: Strategies for Healing from Domestic Abuse & Avoiding Abusers

*Amazon affiliate link — ACFJ gets a small percentage if you purchase via this link.

According to Many Pastors, the Saints in Heaven are Sinning

When he opened the fifth seal, I saw under the altar the souls of those who had been slain for the word of God and for the witness they had borne. They cried out with a loud voice, “O Sovereign Lord, holy and true, how long before you will judge and avenge our blood on those who dwell on the earth?” Then they were each given a white robe and told to rest a little longer, until the number of their fellow servants and their brothers should be complete, who were to be killed as they themselves had been. (Revelation 6:9-11)

We have heard all kinds of theological charlatanism when it comes to the application of what are called “imprecatory” prayers. An imprecation is a curse. Sometimes of course it can be a sinful thing. When someone uses foul language when we they are angry, we call it “cursing.” Uttering a “damnation” against someone unjustly is indeed a sin. And a serious one. Jesus said so —

But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire. (Matthew 5:22)

However, Scripture also shows us that there IS a proper and righteous prayer of cursing someone! This is called, once again, an imprecatory prayer. Here is an example:

So they reward me evil for good, and hatred for my love. Appoint a wicked man against him; let an accuser stand at his right hand. When he is tried, let him come forth guilty; let his prayer be counted as sin! May his days be few; may another take his office! May his children be fatherless and his wife a widow! May his children wander about and beg, seeking food far from the ruins they inhabit! May the creditor seize all that he has; may strangers plunder the fruits of his toil! Let there be none to extend kindness to him, nor any to pity his fatherless children! (Psalm 109:5-12)

Recently one of our readers wrote and told us that she had to endure a sermon recently in which the preacher claimed that such imprecations in the Psalms were the sin of the Psalmist breaking out which he later repented of! This kind of false teaching is sadly typical. All anger, all desire for justice is seen as sin. Victims are blamed and accused… while the wicked perpetrator folds his arms and smugly says, “Yep, I told you so. You are the one with the problem. You are unforgiving.”

Well then, consider the prayer cited above by the martyrs in heaven. Do they have sin in them? Only the craziest of false teachers would say that they do (and there are plenty of crazies out there nowadays it seems). They are in heaven! In the presence of Christ! Of course they have no sin. And here they are, praying. Praying what? Imprecations against their enemies who are also and fundamentally the Lord’s enemies. “Judge them, Lord! Take vengeance upon them! Give us justice.” That’s the prayer, you see.

How does the Lord respond to these prayers? “Now, now, now children. You must not be angry. You need to confess your own sin. You need to love these people and forgive them. You know, you are sinners too.” No way! And yet those are the kinds of words being put in Jesus’ mouth by so many professing Christians and preachers nowadays. (It’s a wicked and dangerous thing to put words into God’s mouth, by the way. To say “thus saith the Lord” when in fact He has not said it.)

No, the Lord responds to their prayer by AGREEING with it! He comforts them, rewards them, and assures them that justice and vengeance are on the way. Just a little longer and that Day will arrive.

This is evidence of the righteous judgment of God, that you may be considered worthy of the kingdom of God, for which you are also suffering—since indeed God considers it just to repay with affliction those who afflict you, and to grant relief to you who are afflicted as well as to us, when the Lord Jesus is revealed from heaven with his mighty angels in flaming fire, inflicting vengeance on those who do not know God and on those who do not obey the gospel of our Lord Jesus. They will suffer the punishment of eternal destruction, away from the presence of the Lord and from the glory of his might, when he comes on that day to be glorified in his saints, and to be marveled at among all who have believed, because our testimony to you was believed. (2Thess 1:5-10)

If the inspired words of Scripture, written by God’s prophets and apostles, include expressions of their own sin (that are not clearly identified as such by the inspired writers themselves), then who decides what portions of God’s Word are the sinful utterances of the biblical authors and which are not? Who decides? Who handles the cutting and pasting and deleting? You see it? This approach sets man as judge on the Word of God and leaves him free to accept or reject whatever he wants, based on what appeals to him or not.

It is right and just and proper for victims of wickedness to call for God’s justice, just as the saints in heaven are doing right now. Anyone calling such desires and prayers evil are simply revealing themselves to be ignorant of the character of God, or an intentional ally of the kingdom of darkness themselves.

How then do Jesus’ words about loving our enemies and praying for them reconcile with the imprecatory prayers?  I will let you answer that question, with this hint — read ALL the verses, not just “love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” Read it in context. How is this love defined here?

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect. (Matthew 5:43-48)