Books by Author
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***IMPORTANT NOTE: While we endorse Lundy’s writings about the dynamics of domestic abuse, we do not recommend anyone attend the ‘healing retreats’ Lundy Bancroft offers or become involved in his ‘Peak Living Network.’ See our post, ACFJ Does Not Recommend Lundy Bancroft’s Retreats or His New Peak Living Network for more about our concerns.
Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men ***READ THIS FIRST*** This book will take you far in your journey to wise up to the deceptions of abusers. Note: Bancroft’s books contains some vulgar language because he quotes abusers. An excellent review of this book can be found here.
Daily Wisdom for Why Does He Do That?: Encouragement for Women Involved with Angry and Controlling Men Even if you have read Lundy’s Why Does He Do That? this book will be insightful and an encouragement. This book contains 365 entires, each of which takes just five or ten minutes to read. Each day the reader focus on just one principle and works with it mentally through the day. Each entire ends with a short sentence that summarizes each piece, so that you can repeat those words to yourself as you process what you have read.
Should I Stay or Should I Go?: A guide to knowing whether your relationship can —and should—be saved, by Lundy Bancroft and Jan Patrissi. Some BONUS MATERIALS for this book are freely downloadable. They are designed to print out and give to your partner or ex-partner if he is showing signs of getting serious about working on his behavior and its underlying causes.
Caveat: We have had feedback on this book from a survivor who was in the New Age and Spiritualism before she became Christian. She says the book contains some language and concepts that are reminiscent of New Age teachings. The problems seem to be confined to chapter eight. In that chapter there are visualization exercises, Gestalt type exercises involving referring to oneself in the third person or as two different people, references to ‘energy,’ ‘your best possible self,’ ‘living from your center,’ ‘being grounded,’ and ‘creating a Self-Nurturing Plan.’ So while the book has lots of insight into the questions and situations women battle with in abusive/unhealthy relationships, we suggest readers be discerning while reading it and not take on board or employ the elements of the book that are akin to New Age practices.
The Batterer as Parent: Addressing the Impact of Domestic Violence on Family Dynamics (SAGE Series on Violence against Women) This book will help you understand why abusers parent the way they do and what to expect and be careful of in the abuser’s parenting — post separation. It is written to professionals helping victims so it is more technical and detailed then Lundy’s book When Dad Hurts Mom.
When Dad Hurts Mom: Helping Your Children Heal the Wounds of Witnessing Abuse. Focusing upon the effects on children whose mother is being abused, and teaching her how she can help them, this book is written to survivors and is less technical and detailed as Lundy’s The Batterer as Parent. You will not miss any key points if you only read this book.
Helping Her Get Free: A Guide for Families and Friends of Abused Women. Guidance for those who support victim-survivors. Recommended by Lundy Bancroft. This book was originally published as To be an Anchor in the Storm.
Broken and Battered. The author tells the stories of two Christian survivors, one of whom was married to a pastor, the other to an extreme narcissist.
The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships. The author presents an in-depth study of relationships that create trauma bonds, why they form, who is most susceptible, and how they become so powerful. He shows how to recognize when traumatic bonding has occurred and gives a checklist for examining relationships. He then provides steps to safely extricate from these relationships. You can read a review of this book by one of our readers here.
Crippen, Jeff and Anna Woods
Crippen, Jeff with Rebecca Davis
Seducers Among Our Children, How to Protect Your Children From Sexual Predators — A Police Investigator’s Perspective. Crough, retired investigative sergeant from New York, shares his experience as an investigative officer for child sex abuses cases. Crough’s book gives practical and vital instruction and information on how to protect your children from sexual predators.
Untwisting Scriptures: that were used to tie you up, gag you, and tangle your mind. This book untwists and presents the beautiful truth of God’s Word, exposing sin where it needs to be revealed, and offering hope to those who most desperately need it. Scriptures can be untwisted. You can rise up from spiritual abuse and walk in the freedom of Christ.
McAndless-Davis, Karen & Jill Cory
When Love Hurts: A Woman’s Guide to Understanding Abuse in Relationships. Karen is a Christian but the book is written for non-Christians as it aims to be of assistance to all women. Lundy Bancroft and Jackson Katz endorse the book.
Behind the Hedge. A novel about domestic abuse where the abuser scarcely shows any physical violence.
de Becker, Gavin
The Gift of Fear and Other Survival Signals that Protect Us From Violence. Helps you recognize early warning signs that someone may be dangerous.
DeKeseredy, Walter S. & Martin D. Schwartz
Dangerous Exits: Escaping Abusive Relationships in Rural America. Looks at the physical, mental and sexual violence rural women may face when exiting dangerous relationships, after they have left them, or even post-divorce. People are very fond of leveling judgments at women who don’t “just leave” but this book is a timely reminder of the terrorism that serves to frighten women into remaining – and their fear of what may happen if they leave is, as this book shows, not groundless. DeKeseredy and Schwartz explore the danger of sexual assault when a woman “emotionally” separates from a partner – i.e. she does not have to even announce she is leaving; the man just senses she is growing distant and rapes her in order to reassert control and ownership.
BIFF: Quick Responses to High Conflict People, Their Hostile Emails, Personal Attacks and Social Media Meltdowns. Written by president and co-founder of High Conflict Institute, Bill Eddy created the BIFF response to protect you and your reputation by responding quickly and civilly to people who treat you rudely — while being reasonable in return. BIFF stands for Brief, Informative, Friendly, and Firm. This little book gives over 20 examples of BIFF responses for all areas of life — plus additional tips to help you deal with high-conflict people anywhere.
The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing. This book addresses the victim who is also an abuser. [Note: not a Christian book]
The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize it and How to Respond. An excellent introduction to the dynamics and types of verbal abuse. Includes a questionnaire tool to help readers evaluate their own relationships.
Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking. This books does not address abuse, but it will help you to pay attention and give more credit to your intuition.
Goldstein, Barry, J.D., and Elizabeth Liu, J.D.
Representing The Domestic Violence Survivor: Critical Legal Issues; Effective Safety Strategies. Recommended resource for lawyers who are representing domestic abuse victims.
Would the Real Church PLEASE Stand Up? Survivor account of fleeing from her abusive pastor husband.
Without Conscience: The Disturbing World of the Psychopaths Among Us. Robert Hare is a leader in the field of criminal and abnormal psychology. He has designed the most reliable tool used for testing for psychopaths.
Hare, Robert and Paul Babiak
Snakes in Suits: When Psychopaths Go to Work. Researchers Paul Babiak and Robert Hare have long studied psychopaths. Hare, the author of Without Conscience, is a world-renowned expert on psychopathy, and Babiak is an industrial-organizational psychologist. The two came together to study how psychopaths operate in corporations, and the results were surprising.
Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence-from Domestic Abuse to Political Terror. Herman draws on her own cutting-edge research in domestic violence as well as on the vast literature of combat veterans and victims of political terror, to show the parallels between private terrors such as rape and public traumas such as terrorism. The book puts individual experience in a broader political frame, arguing that psychological trauma can be understood only in a social context. Meticulously documented and frequently using the victims’ own words as well as those from classic literary works and prison diaries, Trauma and Recovery is a powerful work that will continue to profoundly impact our thinking.
Ingraham, Dale and Rebecca Davis
Tear Down This Wall of Silence: Dealing with Sexual Abuse in Our Churches (an introduction for those who will hear). This is a well researched resource for believers navigating sexual abuse in their churches or ministries.
Divorce and Remarriage in the Church: Biblical Solutions for Pastoral Realities. Written for the average lay Christian.
Divorce and Remarriage in the Bible: The Social and Literary Context. Published before the title above, this one goes into more scholarly depth.
YouTube Playmobile depictions of Instone-Brewer’s teaching on divorce and remarriage (the link takes you to the first message in the series)
Johnson, Scott A.
Physical Abusers and Sexual Offenders: Forensic and Clinical Strategies The first resource of its kind, this book addresses the similarities between these overlapping fields. The book’s detailed structure includes information on the psychological, emotional, physical, and sexual facets of the abuse cycle from name-calling, to complete psychological deconstruction, rape, and homicide.
Johnson, David & Jeff VanVonderen
The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse: Recognizing and Escaping Spiritual Manipulation and False Spiritual Authority Within the Church. Highly recommended apart from the fact that this book does not explicitly say that divorce is permissible in cases of spousal abuse.
Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement. Introduction to the world of the patriarchy movement and Quiverfull families.
In Love and in Danger: A Teen’s Guide to Breaking Free of Abusive Relationships. Recommended by Lundy Bancroft.
Levy, Barrie and Patricia Occhiuzzo Giggam
What Parents Need to Know about Dating Violence: Advice and Support for Helping Your Teen. Recommended by Lundy Bancroft
McOrmond-Plummer, Louise, Dr. Patricia Easteal, and Dr. Jennifer Y. Levy-Peck
Intimate Partner Sexual Violence: A Multidisciplinary Guide to Improving Services and Support for Survivors of Rape and Abuse. This is an authoritative resource for all professionals who work with IPSV victims including counselors, social workers, refuge workers, victim advocates, mental health professionals, pastoral workers, lawyers, police, and health practitioners. This book brings together advice from professionals working with individuals who have experienced IPSV, including Barbara Roberts who has contributed a chapter in this book; the chapter is entitled “Pastoral Responses to Christian Survivors of Intimate Partner Sexual Violence”.
Shame & Guilt: Masters of Disguise. This book describes how debilitating shame is created and fostered in childhood and how it manifests itself in adulthood and in intimate relationships.
Murray, Dr. Jill
But He Never Hit Me: The Devastating Cost of Non-Physical Abuse to Girls and Women. This has been recommended by one of our readers. You can read her comment about the book here.
Birthright: Christian, Do You Know Who You Are? This book does not address abuse, but addresses another issue sorely lacking in our understanding. Needham writes in the introduction, “Could it be that a major reason for the indifference, the epidemic occurrences of moral shipwreck in our evangelical churches, and the shattering of Christian homes is because we have seen ourselves as nothing more than ‘Christian’ forgiven sinners – failing to be what we should be, because we cannot stop being what we think we are?”
Olympia Union Gospel Mission
Bible Studies On Domestic Violence is a PDF created by Olympia Union Gospel Mission. This workbook includes ten biblical studies which focus on understanding the basic dynamics of domestic violence relationships, including verbal abuse.
Love Isn’t Supposed To Hurt. Here is what one of our readers has said about this book: “When I started to realize that my marriage was abusive this was really helpful because she is a Christian woman and she describes the abuse she suffered at the hands of her first husband who was also an alcoholic. Just one caution though, I found myself saying things like, well he doesn’t do that so maybe it’s not so bad for me etc., but she talks about how she left and what she did to leave and also spends a fair amount of time talking about some therapy that she went through to help heal herself of the verbal abuse she had suffered. I just remember her saying in there, I wasn’t created to be abused. No one is. So many lightbulb moments! “
Pierce, D. Anne
Sexual Abuse in Marriage. The author is a Christian.
So You are a Believer… Who has been through Divorce…: A Myth-Busting Biblical Perspective on Divorce. Written by a man who has been through the fire and forced to search the Scriptures for himself regarding divorce for abuse.
Not Under Bondage: Biblical Divorce for Abuse, Adultery and Desertion. This book explains the scriptural dilemmas of abuse victims in regard to separation and divorce, carefully examines the scriptures and scholarly research, and shows how the Bible sets victims of abuse free from bondage and guilt. It will help victims throw off the unbiblical traditions they have been in bondage to and get free from their abusers. Read reviews of this book at Barbara’s website. Here is an additional review of this book by Ps Dave Orrison.
He Loves Me Not?: How to Break the Cycle of Painful Relationships. For Christian women preparing for dating and marriage relationships and those recovering from a break up or divorce.
Dead by Sunset. A “true-crime” story about real-life abuse by a psychopathic man named Bradley Morris Cunningham who murdered his wife. Free of any restraints of conscience, Cunningham devastated the lives of intelligent, talented women and just about everyone else around him. His ability to deceive and manipulate was incredible.
Too Late to Say Goodbye. This “true-crime” story is about Bart Corbin, the “handsome twin” responsible for a double homicide that spanned 14 years.
Predators: Pedophiles, Rapists, And Other Sex Offenders. Drawing on the stories of abusers, Anna C. Salter shows that sexual predators use sophisticated deception techniques and rely on misconceptions surrounding them to evade discovery. Arguing that even the most knowledgeable among us can be fooled, Salter dispels the myths about sexual predators and gives us the tools to protect our families and ourselves.
Stolen From My Arms. A true story about a mother that risks everything to get her son back. When the legal system fails her she must take a different course of action — a dangerous one. A true, heart-rending story which illustrates God’s mercy and redemption.
Fool-Proofing Your Life: How to Deal Effectively with the Impossible People in Your Life. Building upon the Book of Proverbs in the Bible, Silvious teaches us that abusers (fools) are not your normal brand of sinner and cannot be handled with typical methods we might use for dealing with other people. Caveat: This author says abuse is not grounds for divorce; we disagree with that, but find other useful things in the book.
Simon, Dr. George, Jr.
Character Disturbance: The Phenomenon of Our Age. Any abuse victim reading this book is very likely to say “he is describing my situation!”
In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People. Discusses the mentality of abusers and the tactics of covert abuse.
The Judas Syndrome: Why Good People Do Awful Things. Has a more overtly Christian tone than the previous two books.
How Did We End Up Here?: Surviving and Thriving in a Character-Disordered World
Dr. Simon’s most recent book. He answers questions such as: Can he (she) really change? Is there a chance for us? Should I stay or do I go? What do I do about the lies, deceit, and manipulation?
Steffens, Barbara & Marsha Means
The Sociopath Next Door. Conscienceless people are far more numerous than we realize and Stout helps us learn to recognize their mentality and tactics, and how we must deal with them.
Tchividjian, Basyle (Boz)
Protecting Children From Abuse in the Church. Tchividjian unpacks the dynamics of a church environment tat allows perpetrators to thrive and offers constructive hope for educating an training your church to recognize and deal with potential abuse.
My Single Mom Life: Stories and Practical Lessons for Your Journey. Read a recommendation of this book here.
Mending the Soul: Understanding and Healing Abuse. While not specific to domestic abuse, it is nevertheless very useful for understanding the dynamics of abuse in general. Discusses sexual abuse at some length.
Tucker, Ruth A.
Black and White Bible, Black and Blue Wife: My Story of Finding Hope after Domestic Abuse. Ruth recounts a harrowing story of abuse at the hands of her husband, a well-educated charming preacher no less, in hope that her story would help other women caught in a cycle of domestic violence and offer a balanced biblical approach to counter such abuse for pastors and counselors.
Van Dam, Carla
The Socially Skilled Child Molester: Differentiating the Guilty from the Falsely Accused. This book reveals the secret but successful strategies used by child molesters which allows adults to intervene long before children are abused. It focuses on the sexual deviants who “groom’ family, friends, and their community to allow their activities, though arousing suspicion, to go on without restriction.
Van Epp, John, Ph.D.
How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk: The Foolproof Way to Follow Your Heart Without Losing Your Mind. This book is helpful for those entering new relationships.
The Emotionally Destructive Marriage: How to Find Your Voice and Reclaim Your Hope. Recommended apart from the fact that this book does not state categorically that Scripture condones divorce for domestic abuse.
Wade, Allan et al
Response Based Approaches to the Study of Interpersonal Violence. Recommended for all professionals who are in some way or other dealing with interpersonal violence and abuse. We have not read this yet but are comfortable endorsing it as we have great respect for Allan Wade one of the authors/editors, and are confident his co-editors would be of similar integrity.
Wilson, Andrew and Rachel
The Life We Never Expected: Hopeful Reflections on the Challenges of Parenting Children with Special Needs. Andrew and Rachel Wilson know what it means to live a life they never expected. As the parents of two children with special needs (autism), their story mingles deep pain with deep joy in unexpected places. With raw honesty, they share about the challenges they face on a daily basis — all the while teaching what it means to weep, worship, wait, and hop in the Lord. Offering encouragement rooted in God’s Word, this book will help you cling to Jesus and fight for joy when faced with a life you never expected.
Wilson, Sandra D.
Released From Shame: Moving Beyond the Pain of the Past. Shame is an wicked ally of abuse. Writing from a Christian perspective, Wilson teaches us about shame, about its causes, and how to be free from it.