Guest Post ♦ 13th August 2018 ♦ 53 Comments
I grew up in a Christian home. I should clarify, my mother’s faith was always an inspiration to me, but all I saw with my father’s so-called faith was hypocrisy and using the Bible as a weapon against others. Then one day, my mother came to me weeping over my father’s actions towards her. She …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 6th July 2018 ♦ 12 Comments
I honor Chris Moles for how he deals with the gender issues in domestic abuse. Here are five good things he says on gender and gender differences. 1. He says that men are much less likely than women to live in fear. He rightly points out that a man can do certain behaviors to his …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 16th April 2018 ♦ 26 Comments
Men who abuse women tend to target women who are: weighed down with sins led astray by their desires/passions/feelings always learning and never able to come to a knowledge of the truth ‘little women’ (the Greek is a single word which is the diminutive of women) That’s what the Bible says in 2 Timothy 3:6-7. This …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 12th February 2018 ♦ 70 Comments
The man who is abusing his long-term female partner has honed the skills required to select a target woman and then set her up, target her and groom her, in order to be able to offend against her with impunity and then re-groom her… so he can re-offend against her. That is what Don Hennessy …
twbtc ♦ 9th November 2017 ♦ 5 Comments
Victim-blaming is an all too common tactic of abusers. Huffington Post recently posted an article that featured victim-blaming logic using three one-minute videos. As you will see it’s not very logical! This Is How Victim-Baming Logic would play out in Everyday Scenarios Each video depicts an ordinary setting in which one character uses victim-blaming …
Jeff Crippen ♦ 19th October 2017 ♦ 1 Comment
How long, O God, is the foe to scoff? Is the enemy to revile your name forever? (Psalms 74:10) “Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. (Matthew 5:11) But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone …
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The definition of abuse: A pattern of coercive control (ongoing actions or inactions) that proceeds from a mentality of entitlement to power, whereby, through intimidation, manipulation and isolation, the abuser keeps his* target subordinated and under his control. This pattern can be emotional, verbal, psychological, spiritual, sexual, financial, social and physical. Not all these elements need be present, e.g., physical abuse may not be part of it.
The definition of domestic abuser: a family member or dating partner (current or ex) who has a profound mentality of entitlement to the possession of power and control over the one s/he* chooses to mistreat. This mentality of entitlement defines the very essence of the abuser. The abuser believes he is justified in using evil tactics to obtain and maintain that power and control.
* Sometimes the genders are reversed—see our tag for 'male survivors' (tags tab in the top menu).
To say that abusers cannot change removes responsibility for sin. They can change, but the vast majority choose not to, which is what the experts state. When God punishes them, their punishment is just. Abusers have options for treatment and are accountable.
Once the marriage covenant is broken through abuse, the abused partner does not need to stay in the marriage waiting for the abuser to change. The abuser's recovery is a separate issue and his change is his own responsibility, not his wife's. This is the mistake most churches make. These churches have over-sentimentalized marriage and are legalists.
"Behold, I cry out, 'Violence!' but I am not answered; I call for help, but there is no justice." (Job 19:7)
"The job of defending and protecting the defenseless is given to us (Christians), and the buck stops here." (Jeff Crippen)
"Good people never pretend to be evil, but evil people pretend to be good. Sheep don't wear wolves' clothing." (Jeff Crippen)
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